The Death

This post below (Part 1) is from my original page ‘The Death’ here on the menu bar. It was an encounter that I was privileged to experience and feel with spirit in my journey to understand my fears as I go through life. It was also a very profound and life changing event that has changed me forever. I was shown just what happens as we let go of this journey of life down here, the emotions, feelings…but most of all, the understanding that what we have experienced down here, isn’t the end of the journey…but a profound learning in building that unconditional love in us all.

For others that have read this post, I’m also adding a new section (Part 2), at the bottom of this post for something that I found I needed time to digest and understand, as it was very much outside what we normally view as death. We usually view it from where we are now at, down here contemplating ‘is this it’, ‘what comes next’. But the view I am adding is what I was shown from our spiritual side and just what this journey means to us, as a spiritual being experiencing ‘life’ in our journey.

This can be quite confronting, depending on your beliefs and attitude towards death, but it also does something else that I feel needs to be shown, and that is a truth that will ease our fear of death and help remove that ‘unknown’ factor, at least enough to allow us to understand our journey down here a little better and how we view what we think is the ‘so called’ final act within it.

In removing something that we carry with us all our lives, it can do something wonderful…allow us to live…free from a fear that weighs us down like any fear, and be the truth within, no longer reacting to things around us, but acting from choice and choosing to live while we are down here in this beautiful place!


Part 1.


Um, let’s change the subject!

Why? Are you afraid of death? I was, and I have to admit something here, not only was I afraid of death, I totally swept it under the carpet and didn’t want to go there unless I absolutely had to. A family member or friend passes away and you have no choice but to bring it back into view and face that thing that hovers in the back of your mind to which we block nearly all the time. It’s healthy to respect our time down here and know it’s for a finite time. Our fear is only produced because of how we are brought up around it and that little thing called the ‘unknown’ when we finally go there.

Now if it was an easy thing to do we would give it no wisdom, no respect and end it all because things were getting hard and life was becoming quite painful. But that fear, that unknown, allows us to give it the respect it deserves. Like all other aspects of our lives, The Love, The Fear, The Heart, The Truth etc, we do not know or understand these until we go through that journey that relates to each and every aspect of ourselves. That hard and sometimes quite painful time so that we can experience each facet that is our true selves so that we can understand and gain that wisdom of all of these to create the balance that is as unique as it is beautiful. Like a diamond. No two ever the same but indescribably beautiful in their own right.

I felt this on different occasions and it wasn’t until I read a book called ‘Journey Of Souls’ by Michael Newton that I let out this huge sigh and felt this incredible release, and understood and realised I was holding in this absolute fear, ticking away underneath, of a time that IT was going to sneak up on me and drag me away. The explanation in this book had finally touched something within me and for the first time in my life I could let go of this ‘thing’ that had been a part of me, kept in denial, and affecting a lot of things I did, felt and understood within my life. It was amazing just how it affected my attitudes and directions I would take because of that fear. I felt almost afraid to do things that would appear to be simple to most people (then again for them, maybe they weren’t), but kept me from stretching out, and to put it bluntly, live!

So after reading this book about the journey of souls as told by a lot of people under hypnosis, explaining the different aspects of the soul and how it integrates with our bodies in its journey, I let this fear go. The relief and realisation that I had let this affect me in so many ways also let me understand that like all other aspects of our learning and wisdom, I needed to feel that side first (The Reverse), before I could move into that, release and understand where I had come from, so I could now move into where I wanted to be. So many things that had been affected by my holding that fear was now being looked at from such a different space like night and day. The let go, the release, and actually just be me. All this time I had thought I was me. Not even close. I could now see because I had let down that protection, the walls that I had around me, physically and emotionally, I had now let myself see further than ever before. Step out into life differently, freely and more accepting of just why I’m here. I could now see beyond the wall and realise I was deliberately choosing to live. And that fear, the fear of dying, was the wall, and it was keeping me from living. Always it’s the reverse of what we think it is, but with that understanding we begin to realise it’s always the fears that keep us from really going where we want to go. And when we finally realise this, the walls come down, the fear subsides and at last, with the blinkers removed, the vista changes to one of wonder. Of a new experience, a new attitude and a new way of being.

Now up to this point I had thought that I had a good understanding of just what death was, an end to a path that had given me the wisdom and knowledge to realise my truth by releasing so many fears and balancing out my life in such a way as to be able to come from a place within that was truly unconditional. Little did I know. Now don’t get me wrong, ALL I have previously said is my truth, and also very much needed to understand my path as I strive to live on this planet. Spirit in its wisdom let me absorb all that went before so I could truly understand it, integrate it within and be able to express it properly here so that others may understand. But there was one thing missing from the equation that I have mentioned previously, and that is true understanding, to actually experience and feel the action so that you really do understand what has occurred. Like my previous comment, ‘you can be told that if you put your hand in the fire it will hurt’, but you never truly understand it until you do actually burn your hand, and know the incredible pain, agony and hurt that is created by that act. Something you never forget and can describe in detail because of the physical and emotional imprint it leaves on you.

Well, to show you how incredible this journey can become, spirit came to me one night and showed me just what it was that I needed to understand as part of my sojourn on this lovely blue planet so that I can express it here and give you some understanding and idea of just what it is we are here for. Now again, I say that this is my journey, but having said that we can all go on a trip to the city or into the country but some will walk, some will take a bus or train and some will even go in a Lamborghini. The whole purpose is to realise what it means to you in doing this trip. I might not even like Lamborghini’s, but I’d love to go for a trip in one though! Just for that experience. Anyway, this is always about you and what you want to understand and feel that this journey does for you.

Now the following is an account of that incredible experience I had during that night, that brought together quite a few of the subjects that I have been writing about. I had been speaking to several friends about the subject of mortality because of the situation I now find myself in. I had been diagnosed with emphysema at the grand young age of 54 (take note of my smoking for 18 yrs, from 18 to 36yrs old, and working within a coal dust environment for the same period, give it up guys!), and was beginning to realise that this had taken place quite quickly. I had only noticed how serious it was over the last 3 years as I was getting quite short of breath and just thought my studies and writing at a computer was generating a lack of exercise and the relevant lack of fitness. So I now found myself realising that this isn’t what I really wanted out of life, I wanted more time, more quality of giving to life’s better things. What are those better things? I soon realised that when your mortality begins to knock on your door, those things I spoke of before, as in wanting to do things that didn’t seem important, and letting go of things that were important at the time, that no longer seemed important anymore, you begin to see your entire journey from a very different perspective. It lets you look back and understand where you have come from, what you have achieved within yourself, and then adjust accordingly to where your heart wants you to go. To give meaning to your journey and give a truth to just what it is that you wish to become within you.

Now at this point of time I had not had much sleep for three consecutive nights so was quite tired so I fell asleep quite quickly and solidly, but at about 4am spirit brought me up to ‘our’ conversation depth (explained in ‘The Dreaming’), and began to show me an understanding that quite literally took my breath away with it’s incredible inclusion of most of what I’ve written about before under the menu headings, and of how this all fits together. Spirit then also showed me something that left me so totally speechless that when I became aware enough to reach over and record this I actually turned the recorder on and just sat there with my mouth wide open and could not utter a thing. It was so profound that all I could feel was this total elation of understanding, grinning from ear to ear with tears running down my face. And after what seemed like ages I started to speak in a totally awed and quiet voice this vision that spirit had given me as an understanding of this journey that we all take, to find us, to create that beautiful creature that is inside each and every one of us, to finally reach that part we all yearn for and become…an enlightened being!

And this is how it works. All of our lives we have lots of fears that we create, cope with and adapt to within our day to day living. These fears are usually quite strong so they seriously affect what we do and so determine our journey by how much power we give those fears. When we go through a fear the huge release that is generated by this action allows the release of walls we have built, physically in the body as well as emotionally, and opens us up quite strongly to a physical release of endorphins etc and an emotional release by crying or screaming out in joy because you have come through such an amazing experience. This is an ‘enlightenment’, an understanding of what went before, what was endured and what you now feel afterwards. I don’t mean we are now ‘enlightened’, what is referred to as someone who has evolved to such a point that they no longer need the physical journey we are now on. But, I do mean it is an ‘enlightenment’ because it creates an understanding for that particular part of what you needed to understand in this part of your journey.

Now as we cover all these fears within our lives we become more ‘enlightened’ on our path to such a point that your ‘wisdom’ and ‘understanding’ has reached a place that allows you to impart this wisdom to those around you just by being who you now are. Those fears include all those things in our lives like The Love, The Reverse, The Truth so they are integrated into just who you are. You have reached a point that you are more comfortable in who you are, what has meaning for you and you integrate that meaning into your daily life. There’s just one more to go, the one thing that we joke about, avoid, deny, won’t talk about unless we have to, and that is our death. We say and give our condolence’s to friends and family and go through some of the most horrendous times in our lives due to the loss of those family and friends and this gets us the closest to it, but we still do not want to dwell on it in any way. And this is very understandable, who wants to die? Who wants this life to end, and more to the point….what ‘IS THERE’ when we finally let go of this path that we are now on?

I’m now going to put into words something that I find difficult to say in the least. I saw what spirit showed me, I understood what spirit showed me and most certainly felt what spirit showed me. But after all that…the experience left me in such an uplifted state of wonder that I feel I may belittle it for my lack of words or description. It’s like a beautiful sunset. You can say it was beautiful, wonderful and an amazing splendour…but when asked to describe it you say…well, it had oranges and purples and a blue background behind it with a yellow sun….and it just doesn’t do it justice in any way. So…here is my understanding of something that we all will one day touch, feel and understand so as to become that which we all wish to become. That ‘Enlightened’ being that has reached its nadir, its peak, it’s understanding of self.

So spirit says ‘You’re going to die!’. Now if you have read my story under The Love you’ll understand my reply of ‘Speak to the hand!’. And to top that off I already had the understanding that spirit had showed me (in November 2010), that I was going to die when I was 60 years old. At the time I was in the most incredible place of falling in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. I could have moved mountains, smiling like an idiot and loving every moment. And out of the blue one night spirit bobbed up and told me that I was going to die at 60 yrs old. Unusual because I always get a panoramic understanding of anything I get from spirit, a total data set that explains the what, why, where etc. But in this instance it was so abrupt and singular that it left a huge imprint on me by the fact that it was so direct and to the point. Now I know why. I needed to be in that space so that I could understand my journey, my mortality and be able to express this here, and now give this understanding for all that read this and take this journey as well.

Well, spirit thankfully thinks differently to me and with the most loving kindness, gently showed me my journey, how I was going to get there and the reason why I would experience this part of my life. After many, many years of dealing with my lower emotions of anger, hate, fear and balancing them with the happiness, love, and truth using The Reverse, The Heart, The Love, The Dreaming etc as my guide to understanding, and in that understanding releasing those fears that guided my life on an everyday basis, it was time for spirit to show me the final act. The one thing that must be faced that we obstinately refuse to touch, and for a very good reason. As I have said before, we only ever learn something when it has a big impact on our lives, affects us in such a way that we cannot but help to learn something from it, and because of that learn the wisdom that is a part of that lesson. Well this is no different. If it was easy, every time we hit a brick wall of pain, hurt and a loveless time in our lives we would just end it all…and miss the one thing that all this is trying to give us, that understanding, the wisdom, so that we can find the ‘enlightened’ and beautiful creature within that we are trying to become. And as life goes on after each of these hard times in our lives we begin to accept that this is an important part of our journey.

It is a very abrupt, to the point, in your face, meeting with death. You begin to realise that this is it, no turning back or maybe tomorrow is a better day. You have to finally stare it in the face. And it was then that I realised something, while I was seeing this ending, this last act….I was going over many, many things that I had said, did, felt and done with many people in my life, I was…letting them all go…releasing all that had gone before…understood that what I had given was the best I could do and accepting of that…and then another understanding came with that…this was in fact a grieving of that life…something that we never seemed to allow ourselves because society says ‘get up, keep going, be strong’. Which is fine for the support that we desperately need at those times in our lives…but do we truly grieve properly…let go of all those hurts and pain that are a part of this time in our lives…that release and acceptance of what we felt for the loss of that partner, friend or family that we were so close to. But in this instance it is the loss of ourselves…the releasing and letting go of who and what we are…that final thing because there IS nothing else…there is no life to turn back to…no getting on with our lives…trying to pull everything back together and begin again…it is the last let go…total and utter release…and just be.

Going into that grief is to totally let everything go. No hanging on to something to support us. The whole idea at the end is to ‘let go’, ‘release all’ to accept and allow self to come through. It’s a total embracing of death that allows the transition. It is giving to self ‘unconditionally’ and accept who and what you truly are within. The relief is incredible. It’s like the release of the entire worlds troubles and the acceptance of unconditional love all at once. It is very difficult to put this into enough words that it can be understood and embraced for all the different things that it means all at once. Like being in a fairground with so many colours, actions, voices and people all around. It gives such an incredible feeling of wonder, excitement and happiness from all that is around you, that you don’t need to understand it, it just is, and you accept it for what it is. Now, truthfully, that description of a fairground is not close, that is just an idea that may give you an understanding of what I’m trying to explain. When all is said and done, it is just ‘total perfection’. I think even a diamond has its flaws, but not this, this IS a total knowing and feeling of the love and beauty of this wonderful universe that we are a part of…eternally!

And this led to another realisation…spirit on its own cannot touch, feel or sense as is done from within this physical body…it is a total, unique sensation and understanding in its own right. It is a never before taken pathway to be shown and given wisdom for the understanding of unconditional love. It is then that I also realise that the actual journey within this body that we do here on this physical plane on Earth, is such an incredible blessing, to be part of such a beautiful creation to enable us to reach such a point within so that we may be complete. It’s a path that can be so painful, so lovely, so at odds from one moment to the next, that when it is that final time, that last step on your journey to finish who you are, and what you have become, the awareness and beauty that is finally understood, gives such an indescribable joy within as you realise it is all totally there in utter perfection for exactly who you are so that you may understand it and know it’s purpose. Regardless of all the mistakes, problems and horrible times that we have endured it is exactly what we needed to do, so that we can find and understand just who we are within.

It was then that I felt it…I’m wishing to cry at this very moment because of the beauty and love of what this moment means…the understanding of all that went before, the feeling of completeness, the truth of accepting the love that was integrated in all that I had done, the knowing that I can now let go, I am realising that it’s over. I’m coming back to who I really am. Returning to that instance of total and unconditional love. Truly a total acceptance of just being as one again. And as I let go and accept, I feel a release of my body, but there is no fear, no worry of ‘what if’, it’s a complete release of that Lamborghini that has seen me out for many, many years and release it with love as part of who I once was. I am now ‘coming home!’. Coming home to what I’ve always been and now realise, I am. The journey before is now the thing that is ‘not real’. Totally understood but now realised within to be an incredible experience and to add to something that is a completion of who I am. The love that is a part of us always, no matter where we are!

To finally understand this journey, that process of life and the many amazing things that we do within that life, I can now look back and truthfully see, feel and understand it’s purpose. All those things that we toss away in frustration, yell at in anger and even those moments where we really lose it and do some of those things that we totally regret forever are here for a reason. They show you….you! It makes you look inside and talk to yourself over and over and over. Trying to understand why, how you can change it and most importantly give you understanding as to whether you want to be like that or create something better that you do want to be. It’s a long slow process, even though sometimes you want to get off this crazy ride. But in hindsight you will realise that you are probably glad that it did take it’s time and you were able to really gain the understanding and wisdom that is needed for that journey. All of the things that spirit showed me were for my benefit, but for me to understand I needed to go through and feel each and every part so that I may fully understand it all. From the ‘dark night of the soul’ to truly look within after a horrendous part of my life, to understanding myself within so I could partake of life again, then give from each understanding I made as it was integrated into who I was. Each and every aspect I was given changed everything. Allowed me to drop more and more fears so that I could be who I truly am, and more importantly have the understanding that it all comes back to that one thing that everything is a part of…unconditional love! When you finally understand it, it’s meaning, it’s place and it’s part of creating everything by being a total process. The up’s, the down’s, the hate and the love, you then understand it IS a total part of everything. You cannot have one without the other. It is an incredible perfection that allows us all, with all our so called imperfections, to be totally loved and included individually within this beautiful place, and be helped and guided to reach that wisdom and the total love that is there for all.

Just remember, this creation we are a part of, this body that is helping you on your journey, your spirit within that whispers to your heart, is all here for you. It is your time, your creating expression from what you have learned and understood, and your building of that beautiful creature within so that you may reach that place that we all yearn for while on this journey down here. That place of total and unconditional love where all is in place within, the final and total acceptance and love of ourselves, makes us the perfect creation we are meant to be. And finally reach that place, that yearning to connect, and be a part of all that is.


Part 2.

The above post is everything that I was shown on that journey with spirit…bar one other ‘small’ event that has taken me some time to digest, simply because it is something I have never seen before. And I will be the first to admit that it rocked me, simply because this life teaches a very high understanding of our journey, but as for death, very little. And maybe it is for me to understand for MY journey. Like what I have written above, you may ‘see’ much within it or only confirm what is already known for yourself. Most information can be felt by the truth it portrays within you. You can ‘feel’ a truth by simply in how it makes you feel within. When you sit and speak your heart, totally open, to another, it is a very peaceful, releasing and positive feeling for you. If it is not a truth, it is felt as a binding, uncomfortable and negative experience.

WARNING: Please read all of this section in total or it can be taken out of context. Within your spiritual or soul form you are totally ‘aware’ of everything all at once. There are NO confusing ‘what if’s’ or ‘maybe’s’ or any hesitation whatsoever. You just are. I’m trying to explain something that is a very small fraction of what I felt as part of that whole. As I spoke above of that ‘fairground’ feeling with so much happening around you all at once, it is a million times more complex….but so very much simpler within that state.

Death continued….

So there I was…taking in such an enormity but total understanding of that process of letting go, transferring from that human relating of life to what I really am within, that all knowing, beautiful and peaceful soul that is my normal state. I was in such a loving place that I felt complete, I was home. And in that split second of letting go to start moving towards ‘whatever’ was next…I’ll never know…until I do actually die. Spirit had blocked any further understanding from that point. But in that split second before then, I had seen and felt an incredible understanding that shocked me, and I think that is what had broken my connection with spirit at that point, purposely, so that I could understand what I had been shown.

What I had been shown up to that point is all that mattered for now, it is all that I needed to understand and relate to for where my journey has been going. That split second held a wealth of information and it has taken me over two years to digest and come to terms with what had been shown. And not because of what I was actually shown, as it was a very small piece of that event, but by what it meant to me back down here. (By the way, my references to ‘up there’ or ‘down here’ is just for ease of understanding).

I saw and felt the Earth (down there), but it was disappearing very quickly…but that wasn’t what rocked me…it was the feelings and thoughts that went with it. All I could sense at that time was…it is done…let it go, release it…it has served its purpose. Even the people that I loved and held so close…no longer mattered. I was shocked by my off handed manner. My journey had been completed and so what went before was now irrelevant. There was no longer anything to worry about, I had done what my soul needed to do. Now remember that this is instantaneous, everything is just ‘done’…if I thought I knew what living in the ‘now’ was, I really didn’t have a clue till I felt all of this…it just ‘was’. I’m trying to explain something so that you can understand what I was trying to come to grips with. And it was shown to me this way so I could understand it ‘up there’, and then relate it ‘down here’

Now, if you thought the above was in your face, that’s understandable. So this next bit I’m going to try to explain it in my way the best I can so that you can ‘see’ something and allow you to relate to it properly.

The above didn’t matter to me for a very simple reason…I ‘knew’ that I would see them all again. I didn’t need to think about them in any way quite simply because I didn’t need to worry about it. There were no thoughts of ‘what if’, ‘when’, ‘how’, ‘why’ etc. Remember, the soul is instant, that ‘knowing’ is all. We are only slowed down on Earth to absorb what we are experiencing in human form. Up here it just ‘is’. Now please, do not think that our loved ones are not within our soul/spirits thoughts…with great love they are FULLY aware of our journey back down here and what we are experiencing so that we will be complete in our understanding. I’m only relating this tiny piece for the simple reason that it has great meaning for us to realise ‘some’ of what is happening ‘up here’.

To give this more understanding, let me explain it this way. Let’s say that you are spending time with a friend, you’ve met them at your rendezvous, spent a good time together and you now decide to go to your place for a cup of coffee. Your friend says ‘I’m just going by my house so I can pick some flowers, I’ll meet you at your place in 20 minutes’. You go home and prepare the coffee. In that 20 minutes you do not give your friend a second thought. You have no reason to think anything about them, to worry or even think that they wouldn’t be turning up.
WHY….because there is no need to give it any thought….just as your soul/spirit is doing ‘up there’. They KNOW you will be together again, there is no reason to even think otherwise, it is a ‘known’ quantity. The time between when they have passed over and left the Earth, and when you will be together again, is but a moment.

And I think the reason it has taken me so long to digest all of this, and put into words, is because I have never looked at it in this way. Down here is a whirlwind of ‘what if’s’ of what is ‘up there’. A lifetime of not knowing, and to be truthful because of that, not wanting to look at it. Suddenly I’ve been shown something that really does affect a lifetime’s way of being.

So, what DOES this mean for us ‘down here’? Everything! It allows us to release a fear, you know, one of those things than we drag around all over. Those things that test us in so many ways so that we can go through them and find that love that is inside us all. This journey has so much beauty within it, even though those tough moments really test us to such a degree. I have seen something that has given me such a relief, release and such a greater outlook on life. It is a game changer in everything that I do BECAUSE of that understanding about death.

For most of us we have touched death in varied ways. Acquaintances, friends and those very heartfelt connections of our loved ones that have passed over. The grief is one thing that holds us so tightly because of the loss of that loved one and the beauty that was shared, within that loss. But grief has a huge purpose, it allows us to see and feel something that is built on a love like no other. It also allows us, by that loss and pain, to look within and find another love, one built on the empathy that comes from going through such a time, a healing love that leads to that love within.

I have written this above to give an understanding so that our journey may be a little less fear and pain, and a little more healing love inside so that our paths in that awareness will be built on a stronger love and empathy, and a knowledge that what is waiting, is a beauty beyond anything I could describe. We will miss those that we love, but we will also be with them again…the flowers they are picking as they drop in home…will be a love and beauty like no other.

Ask anyone who is in their sunset years knows how fast time really goes down here, it is much faster than we give it credit, and we can see that as we get older. It is a very short time, and within it is crammed a huge amount of beauty, all so we can find ourselves, that unconditional love that is a part of us all. All too soon this magic is swapped for another (up there). But down here, this magic cannot be experienced up there, that is why we are here. This is ‘our time’ to find that beauty within, not to be experienced in this way ever again. Our journey has great meaning for us all…and then we too will be sharing those beautiful flowers with those we love again.



27 thoughts on “The Death

  1. MistressoftheInk

    Hello Mark,

    While reading what you’ve shared here, I was reminded of this quote: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience” (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin). Stated a different way, “You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” The first time I encountered those quotes, I think I was just mildly amused, having thought it was something that ought to have been common sense to me but wasn’t.

    Now I see that there are really deeper (even incomprehensible to a point) meanings to those lines. I still very often think of myself as “having a soul” instead of “being” one, as I guess most people are also inclined to do. Maybe this speaks of a kind of disconnection we tend to to have with who we really are, which is the opposite of the state you’ve described in your experience–the feeling of just BEING, and nothing else. As you put it, “that all knowing, beautiful and peaceful soul that is my normal state.” I can only imagine, but as you would understand, not be able to fully grasp what that must be like. I think what you have experienced is a truly rare event, that ‘enlightening’, which not everyone will get to live through and come back ‘down here’ to tell the tale of, but I am supremely grateful that you have. Thank you for sharing this ‘down here’.

    Being alive on this Earth is often a very messy, struggle-filled business–at least it’s what it has been for me–and I have often strongly questioned my purpose of being here. Why, when I am but a speck in the Universe, only here for the tiniest fraction of time, and doomed to be ‘gone’ anyway? What is the struggle for? I have not even been concerned or inspired by the possibility of getting to continue ‘life’ (as a soul) for all of eternity after death, because what for? But I think I see now, one possible error in the way I have thought through this before. Based on what you’ve shared, ‘up there’ time does not seem to run the same way as it does ‘down here’. Everything just ‘is’, all in one instant. Time doesn’t seem to stretch out in a linear way, like the way we humanly experience it, but instead just intensely concentrated in I don’t even know what space or whether space is even a relevant construct. What you talked about here really does need some more digesting…

    Again, thank you for taking the time to record and relay your experience…it’s been a very thought-provoking read for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      Thank you Carla for a very well written reply to my post. Way back when my journey began and I was in such a turmoil (in my ‘About’ page), I too was confused with such a world that didn’t seem to have any purpose. In such a place that I think I just wanted to ‘give up’ then and there. But something deep inside me was waiting for this time, I wanted more than anything to be able to ‘believe’ in something. So in my turmoil I asked, if there was a God, to show me something that would give me understanding in our purpose down here. And He did. For an atheist, I was about to get the shock of my life. In my urge to have purpose I wanted to become a healer at least so that I could at least feel that I was doing something that had purpose for me. So I began my journey by studying to become a Remedial Massage Therapist, little did I know that as I was also trying to bring my life back into some order by doing meditation, that the massage and the ‘listening to my heart’ was about to come together to show me the most amazing thing.
      Our Higher Self/Spirit is just waiting for us to reach this point so that we are asking ourselves truly what our purpose is, asking to find some meaning in our lives. And all that Spirit wanted of me was one thing…to love myself. And I, thinking I was already doing that, was shown just how much our lives are not doing that at all because of the fears that we hold. Those walls of fear block one thing and one thing only…that love of ourselves. We always hold those negativities of ‘I’m not good enough, I can’t do this or that, or nobody likes me etc’, and those very things are the gateway to find that love. Spirit asked me to ‘face my fears’ to which I replied ‘speak to the hand’. But in looking back over my journey of many years I can truly say that the day that we do finally have the courage to face those fears that we bury very deeply, we will open something so wonderful, in understanding the ‘why’ of why we hold them, that we will understand something that we have searched for all our lives…that love and happiness we have always sought ‘out there’, and realise it has been gently waiting within for the right time to open and show us a beauty like nothing else in this world. I didn’t think that it was possible to achieve unconditional love…but it is there, waiting. We must first go through the ‘conditions’ that we place on ourselves as children with those fears, and in finding and facing them, will show us the other side, that of ‘unconditional’ as we break through that journey.
      There is much more that I can say, but I found that the more I believed in myself and began to ‘listen’ to spirit, the more I would be shown in my journey, and like all else this universe does, you will find that by going ‘with’ the universe, the more it will guide you, all else is the struggle of this life of fears.
      And Spirit asked me to share all that I have experienced here so that others may have hope in their journey also. It isn’t an easy thing this life down here, and everyone’s journey is different, but it is so much easier if there is a sign post or two along the way. They at least give hope we are going in the right direction, and we all want to find that destination of happiness and love, and it is there gently waiting…for us all ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. MistressoftheInk

        I wouldn’t have thought you used to be an atheist. I have a lot of questions about religiosity, but I do believe in the existence of a Higher Power.

        I am still awaiting the revelation of my purpose, but I do think I am currently in the right path. I can sense more struggle along the way, but I am trying to keep in mind that that is probably how purpose and meaning are revealed/created, and how one becomes closer to purity of spirit…

        Courage is a central virtue I’ve been challenging myself to develop for most of my life, and one I strongly hope to live up to. Maybe it’s because I’ve also sensed somehow that fear is a very constant thing in my life, that has created a lot of walls, as you have mentioned.

        To build more courage and tear down those walls, I say onwards in the journey, both in the external world and into my own self. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

          Probably not so much an atheist but more a feeling that I needed more proof before I got off the fence so to speak. I think it is something we all go through until we find that something that has meaning. But then I used to ask myself ‘then why do I need meaning’. And the only thing that would always come up in my life was that love and happiness we always seek.
          And of course the biggest shock was my first encounter with ‘something else’. I had begun meditation and my massage studies, and I began to go into an almost meditative state as I gave massages and I would get ‘bits’ coming through about whoever I was massaging. I initially ‘wasn’t sure’ (my own fears) of what was happening and didn’t say anything for a while, but steadily they got a little stronger, and as I had asked God to ‘show me my truth, that purpose I had so strongly asked for’, it was now up to me to stand in my truth. So I did. I’ll never forget that first poor lady that I decided I would speak what I felt within me (the ‘knowing’ that comes through), I told her that her ovaries weren’t happy and she should see a doctor (as a massage therapist we are not allowed to diagnose anything, just suggest they see a doctor). She didn’t say too much until a few weeks later she came back and I’m thinking she’s called the police or come to threaten me with a law suit or something. But she just came back to thank me for urging her to the doctor as she ended up with ulcerated ovaries and needed treatment. And that began the belief in what gift I had (and we all have them), and the belief in ourselves by standing in our truth.
          And trust me, you ARE on your right path. You will get little nudges and urges to do things and these will guide you accordingly, even to the point of digging your heels in out of frustration and going off on a path that you eventually wish you hadn’t. But that too is a lesson as you will now ‘see’ where not to go. There is no such thing as a ‘wrong’ lesson, they all guide your heart. And before anyone jumps up and down about where is our freedom with these ‘nudges’ coming to us, they’ve missed one tiny (but very huge) thing…it IS us that is ‘nudging us’, it is a part of us that wants to experience all these things because when all is done and said, we are ‘back up there’ in spirit form, the real essence of what we are. Down here is a part of that same spirit but isolated so that we can ‘experience’ everything to understand that unconditional love. It is the duality they speak of, being separate from spirit or with all of their knowledge it would interfere with our journey down here. We would no longer be ‘surprised’ in experiencing different things, no longer feeling the good and bad of things so that we can change within, feel a loss or a happiness to understand that beauty that is waiting inside for us. Because as spirit, of which I have ‘touched’ many times now, I can only ‘see’ the love within people, see that it IS with a great love the pain that they go through, even events like a murder or train smash, to the birth of a child. I wish I could show people the actual love that goes into all these events, because it is only in experiencing them will they understand themselves. They must feel sadness to know and appreciate happiness, they must feel anger to know and appreciate peace, etc, etc. All of these experiences show much wisdom until we slowly stand in the truth of what we have become, the realisation of what unconditional love is, the experiencing of much ‘conditional’ love that we put on ourselves, because unconditional love is when we finally remove those fears (conditions) on ourselves and finally love…us. It is the final part of the journey, the understanding of that one single thing, something that takes most of our lives to achieve, but an amazingly beautiful thing when understood.
          Read ‘The Beginning’ (top right) on my blog, it is an example of that journey to ‘listen’ to your heart. Now everyone is different and you may find it is easier another way, this is just a guide to let you know that you can ‘listen’ to your higher self…(you), and begin a journey that will change your whole outlook on life, and attract accordingly πŸ˜€ ❀
          Enjoy your journey, and remember, even the bumpy bits are done with a great love ❀

          Liked by 1 person

          1. MistressoftheInk

            Wow, that inner ‘knowing’ is incredible.

            I also believe there’s something in us, which is actually still ‘us’ that already KNOWS. Sometimes we call it gut feel, or instinct, or other things. But I agree, it still is us, and a lot of life is learning/relearning how to listen to and honor it.

            Liked by 2 people

          2. Mark Lanesbury Post author

            It is our higher selves guiding us so that ‘we’ can obtain those experiences and the understanding that they bring.
            And yes, with much love are all our experiences given to honor the unconditional in us all ❀
            I hope this shows a path you can 'listen' to, and see your path on your journey ❀ πŸ˜€

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Destination Enlightenment

    I did it Mark-I carved out that time and read through all of the menu subjects. What you say is deep, complex and profound. As I read I felt I could grasp bits and pieces of understanding. I have experienced much understanding but still have so far to go. I have faced my deepest fear. It is one that I recognize in many around me too. It was hidden from me for a long time. Now I am working on integrating what it means to live in the new understanding of my worth. I always thought I had self confidence but when I got to the heart of it, realized much of what I was doing was in an effort to prove myself. Now I now the truth, that I am worthy of love, life and living the life of my dreams, but I am in transition. And the key is in really giving myself unconditional love. True acceptance of who I am. Only then will the transition be complete. I know this to be true and reading through your blog has helped me to understand it better and say it out loud. I have understanding but the healing is not complete. Therefore, I do not believe the unconditional love for myself is there, yet. If it was I don’t think I would still be experiencing the struggle for self-expression and the uncertainty of what I should do next in the way of career. I’m on my way though. Thank you Mark for sharing your journey❀️~Brandi

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      My pleasure Brandi, but just remember, our journey is always in transition. As each fear is understood and we release a wall, we begin to become that change we seek, that happiness we have looked for all our lives…and we then begin to apply that to our lives. From student to teacher but always remembering that we are still always a student.
      Your journey has been a profound understanding, in yourself and then those around you. Beginning with blocking that self love and then giving it out, and like all life a balance is reached because we are no longer unbalanced by those many things that used to keep us in a place of fear. And as you have said, the unconditional is the acceptance of all.
      I personally have felt unconditional, but it was in truly releasing everything and being focused on what I felt within, and at the time I was still going through many things so it didn’t last very long. Was I just being shown that journey to ‘see’ what can be done? Or is it the understanding that being human is a ‘condition’ in itself?
      The one thing I have found so far though…like all of life we are always in change, and once that self love is discovered within I no longer wish to be what went before but I realise it was needed so that I could discover that place within, otherwise it would not be understood.
      You have reached that understanding Brandi, but like all fears that have taken a lifetime of integration, they still take some time to release. I have a fear of rejection from childhood that I thought, especially where I am speaking from now, that I had dealt with it, but even only a few years ago it raised its head up again and I reacted to it. Not as bad as from years before where it was a horror, but a realisation that it still needs work. And each time we face these things we adjust our thinking and how we feel about it because life shows us many parts of it and slowly adjusts those endings and new beginnings.
      Take a bow my friend, your journey has showed you that self love, and it cannot be obtained until your heart is ready ❀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Destination Enlightenment

        Literally holding back tears, oh forget it, they fell❀️. Very touching, thank you Mark. It feels good to be understood. I needed that. Thank you for reminding me that these lessons present themselves in layers. This period is another layer for me. The lessons show up as we are ready and at what capacity we can integrate them. So true, just when we think we have something dealt with, it shows up in another way. I also 100% resonate with– “that I realise it was needed so that I could discover that place within, otherwise it would not be understood.” That is where I am now, in the thick of it. It is interesting to be the observer and the being that experiences simultaneously. Blessings to you Mark. You are true beacon of light❀️

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

          Thank you Brandi and blessings to you also. It is in ‘seeing’ self in truth instead of the many masks we wear from those expectations of ourselves and others because of those fears. Just take one day at a time and allow the dust to settle, you will find you when you wait for you πŸ˜€
          And may your journey also get brighter as each layer is lit with those understandings ❀

          Liked by 1 person

  3. theunfairjourney

    This was a great read. Long but well worth the time. I want to share something that I might write more in detail in one of my later blogs. The day that my grandmother, who had been battling cancer for years, passed away I knew before I got the call. I was super sick and super pregnant with my last son. I was running a dangerous fever and I was dozing off every few minutes so I just gave in and took a nap. Then I had a dream where I was floating above a green area, the light was so bright. My grandmother was floating above me and it was like we were in zero gravity. Her hair was floating all around her head and her clothes looked like they were rippling. She looked like she was in total peace. She garbed my hands and told me that I needed to live and then blew a light blue grey essence into my face and I inhaled a huge breath. She floated away with out any more words and I went down to the green which ended up being grass, landed on my feet and I then I awoke. I remember being really confused and so scared that my sick grandmother was gone. With in the hour after I awoke I received the call saying that she had passed while I was napping.
    Its just an odd experience that I had that your post of death had reminded me of.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      Thank you for your words. It was a long read, and I did ramble a bit, but I was so amazed by all I had seen and felt I thought I wouldn’t give it justice if I didn’t try to explain it all πŸ˜€
      And your experience is a most beautiful and wonderful thing. It just proves to you that your spirit (and your grandmothers) are all connected within in this beautiful world that we inhabit, up there as well as down here. You will know when your spirit touches you, like when you knew your grandmother had passed on, the moment will have a very ‘strong’ feel to it…like those moments when you just ‘know’ something is about to happen or you ‘know’ what someone is about to say or you run into someone you haven’t seen for ages and you were only just talking about them the other day. There are many ‘bits’ in your life that you ‘connect’ with them strongly, simply because you are being guided…by you, your inner higher self…in your entire journey ‘down here’. And as hard as it is, it is all being done with a love like no other so that you will be guided inward to your heart, so that those walls we build in our lives can be dropped and finally open and become the love that we truly are ❀
      I hope it has given you some faith in your journey. And as I read your journey I realise it is very difficult to say the least, but within it is something you will never forget, like that moment with your grandmother, you will 'touch' something that will never leave you…an unconditional love that guides us all ❀


  4. Misifusa's Blog

    Mark, words fail me as your post so profoundly affected me. As you so eloquently wrote about death, I feel as if I may need to read again and reflect upon everything you’ve written and write more at a later date. But until then, I wanted to reach out to let you know what a beautiful post this is and how grateful I am that we’ve connected. Shine On dear one!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      Words also failed me for quite some time Misifusa. That journey was so profound it left me speechless (and that takes some doing πŸ˜€ ), for quite some time πŸ˜€
      But the beauty it showed has never left me. It changed me forever and the approach to my life was forever altered, and in doing so I released so much clutter that I can ‘see’ so much further and be able to give from a much more loving space because of the walls it brought down.
      I hope it at least gives an understanding so that your life may ‘see’ further also. Namaste ❀


  5. AmyRose🌹

    Mark, there is so much to take in with your experience, so much more detail then mine. As with you my memories have been wiped up to a certain point because I honestly don’t think my human circuits would have been able to handle them. My experience: In an instant I was out of my body feeling as if every single cell of my being were Love. I was Love. All weariness and heaviness fell immediately and all earthy cares as well. I was stunned as I realized how heavy not only our human bodies are but all that we carry as well. I could care less who I left behind me … that mattered not at all. I will never forget the Bliss, the Absolute Completion, nor the Love I felt. I did not see a tunnel but drifted rapidly away from my body, again not caring in the least. That was not me. I am Spirit. I felt at Home and never wanted to go back to earth. I was shown into an oval room that had many tall thin desks each holding one huge volume of books. Standing behind each desk were these very old “men” in long robes. Each were studying the books. Each concluded it was not my time yet, that I had much more to do. I put up a fuss. I did NOT want to go back. Getting out of my body was effortless. Getting back in not. It felt as though I was slammed into it and as I was I wearily opened my eyes and said to myself, “Shit! I’m back.” Your words mirrored mine in so many ways as I was told so many messages within messages, codes as best as I can describe which seem to go off in a timely manner throughout my life when it is again time to learn another lesson I brought back with me. The main lesson was not to go to your deathbed with unforgiveness on your heart for you will regret it. Beautiful job in describing something that is not of this world. You did an outstanding job, much better then I could. Much Love to you this day! ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      That ‘love’ is an amazing feeling, isn’t it Amy? To just ‘touch’ that, was so incredibly life changing, to ‘know’ it exists and can be reached in our lifetime gives such a feeling of contentment. Yes, this world will still drag us around, but after this experience, it no longer has the pull that it once did. We can now understand ourselves so much better, realise those fears within are all that attract this world so that we now face them gladly (ok, maybe not ‘too’ gladly πŸ˜€ ), and ‘know’ that in doing so we are now standing in our truth, facing what our fears are, and in doing so…love us…because we care about who we now are…so much so, that we ‘want’ to be in that loving space, release the lies that we tell ourselves to avoid that pain, and find the beauty of that love that has been waiting very gently within to wrap us in its arms and be at peace…with us and the world. It is there for us all πŸ˜€
      Your journey is a very profound experience Amy, to ‘know’ what you have touched, felt and experienced within those moments is something (as you have said), that you will hold in your heart forever. In fact, it is so profound that the change of life on returning has never been the same. Many things are let go, as you can see that they were ‘built’ on the fears of this world and they no longer hold you within their patterns. And because of those vacuums created in your life, it has made room for more love in your life, and more to the point, you begin to attract those things that will ‘fine tune’ where your heart is now going…AND…you begin to see in others, where you once were…and can guide them with understanding, simply because you now understand those experiences and can ‘guide’ from that place. Even among that ‘guidance’ I could feel I was taking baby steps as I began to ‘see’ and help from a very loving place. And we even still make mistakes from there, simply because we don’t have the experience yet in ‘how’ to help another in that guidance. It is wisdom gained over the years, like anything else that we do. But slowly we balance until that understanding of unconditional love is finally found, and we reach a point of contentment. It is amazing as I become that place within…and I just smile inside…really smile…at nothing at all. Just because I am me. I think that is where God wants us to be…as He is πŸ˜€
      Thank you for your kind words Amy, and as you said, it was so difficult to give ‘any’ words that would effectively explain something like that, and seemed impossible to do and give it any justice. But I’m glad that you have explained your ‘journey’, it explains much in who you have now become. The echoes go on forever in all that we now do, and I am glad to acknowledge your journey and the beauty that you have become my friend. By being that truth, you become the love that you seek…may your steps always be in its arms. Much love to you also kind lady ❀ πŸ˜€


  6. Sue Dreamwalker

    Dear Mark.. this is such a well written post, and it is so difficult to put into words those feelings which often words can never be enough to describe that Knowing which we have been so very privileged to absorb from our guides and insights we are given through those gifts we have been given..
    Knowing we are learning and growing from ALL of our emotions, and seeing we are both Positive and Negative in vibration and that each trauma helps us align and shift through choices and freewill into the energies we need to help us progress within our Earth Journey for the next phase of our existence that is forever expanding in our eternal journey through Spirit.

    I smiled hugely when I saw the title of the Journey of Souls, A book I have upon my own book shelves that is fascinating reading, as is the book by Brian L Weiss ‘Many Lives Many Masters’ another book of true encounters through hypnotism..

    Many thanks for sharing these insights Mark.. A true gift that you are giving those who read..

    Blessings Sue ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      Thank you Sue. The amazing part, even though it was all amazing, was it all happened so quickly…but, it contained ‘everything’. Our concept within the human form is deliberately slow so that we do absorb our journey and the meanings within everything that we experience and explore. As spirit/soul everything ‘just is’. Not a ‘what if’ anywhere to ripple that beautiful place that was so perfect.
      And you are so right, all that we experience is a learning, regardless of the negative or positive experience, it all adds to what we are becoming, a perfection like no other.
      Those books were a definite ‘heads up’ for me, they were the right thing for my journey at that time. I would think that regardless of our journeys there are guideposts all along the way. I suppose just like this post, it will touch everyone in a different way, some a confirmation like you, to others that it will give them something to think about, and maybe that is all that is needed.
      Again, thank you kind lady for sharing here AND all that you do on your uplifting blog, may that sharing guide the many on their beautiful journey in this world πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sue Dreamwalker

        Oh I am certain about the guideposts along our journey Even to the point of those we meet and greet along the way, all part of triggering our memory and awakening those parts that need to stimulate or agitate us to reach out further and explore who we are in greater depth.
        When I think back to my own path.. it is true what they say about the 7 year cycle. and how we are moved .. And if I didn’t follow my intuition something would come along that shook me out of my comfort zone .. I see so clearly looking back now how those events unfurled to make me choose the path I am now on πŸ™‚ .. A great orchestration of a jigsaw so amazing how we all fit together piece by piece πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

          Yes, those cycles can be very subtle, and occasionally feel like a train smash to get us to pay attention. But those one’s make it easier the next time as we have the wisdom to see them coming πŸ™‚
          A beautiful journey, even though we need to jump over a log occasionally as we climb our path up the mountain Sue. But in the end, what a view πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

  7. scottishmomus

    I’m going to have a think a bit more on what you’ve written here, Mark. And wondering why I hadn’t read it before – I thought I had read all your posts. Obviously not. And maybe there is a reason for that too. I’m going to have a mosey through over the next couple of days and refresh my memory/awareness or discover.
    I like what I read here but I need to mull it over a bit.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      It is a bit to take on board momus. It is a subject that usually only gets a fleeting thought before we move on, unless it comes face to face in a closer connection with someone, usually a family or friend.
      It is quite a long post but it was needed to try to explain something that had so much meaning in a very short time frame that I was shown.
      That is the incredible thing about ‘being’ in spirit. You just ‘know’ everything. It is a complete picture all at once, there is no need to ask anything, it is all there….you just ‘are’.
      And it isn’t finished…I have been thinking over another part that I was shown but wasn’t quite sure how to explain it…it has a huge impact (for me), and I think it will for others as well.
      I’m going to re-post ‘The Death’, but add this understanding below it. This part was my journey to stand in my truth (which I’ve been hesitant to do), and explain something that I have never seen or heard before, so I am standing out on a limb, so to speak. I have every confidence in what I was shown, and putting it out there. I’m just unsure in how it will be received.
      It is a very simple thing that I will say (isn’t everything spirit says πŸ™‚ ), but its impact on how we view death from this viewpoint can be quite confronting because of how we normally accept death.
      And of course, spirit in all its beauty, showed me your post so that I would understand that it is time.
      Bear with me a while as mull this over (like you), and try to put this on paper.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. V.A. Farria

    Wow, I’m digesting what I just read. In fact, I read this post a few weeks ago. Tonight I decided to revisit what you’ve written. The first time that I read it, I wanted to respond but I didn’t know how to express my feelings. A year ago I had a conversation with my mother, after we had lost three loved ones within a four month period, (my stepfather, sister and aunt). I told her when my time comes to leave this body, I hope to embrace the journey unafraid. That’s my goal. Reading your experience gives me peace and understanding. Thank you for sharing what Spirit showed you.

    Love, light and blessings

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mark Lanesbury Post author

      I’m glad and happy for the realisations that this has brought you Vee. It is a very difficult time to come to terms with one family loss, let alone three. You have my deepest sympathy for the lose of all those that you held dear. Until I had read something similar, I did not realise the effect that my ‘idea’ of death had on my day to day living. And when the realisation came that I no longer had anything to fear, I released it, and began a completely different journey that was so much more happier and allowed me to find myself again. And in that, knowing that all those that I hold dear and have now passed away, have gone through this life doing everything perfectly for who they are, what they achieved within themselves, and are now in that place of unconditional love. And that also means the good and the bad because both ends of the spectrum are needed to understand what it is we are here to understand. It is such an amazing journey to be here and see, hear, touch, smell and feel within all of this magic that is around us. Yes, life blunts all of these things but eventually your spirit within each and every one of us will tap you on the shoulder and begin to show the beauty that is within, and in doing that you then realise all that is around you as well. And the life you are meant to live begins, and your understanding takes you on that path of unconditional love. May that realisation of peace and understanding always be a part of your path. Love, light and blessings for you as well. Namaste

      Liked by 1 person


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