The Beginning

So, where do we begin?

It always begins when your ready. You will be plodding along minding your own business when out of nowhere an ‘event’ will shake that ‘I know where I’m at’ attitude right off its perch. It can happen to you in so many ways. As you know, there are many,Β  many paths, and your direction in this life is very particular to just who you are. You may have similarities to others, but your journey is your journey, just for you.

So, where do we start…yes, there you were minding your own business when out of the blue something happens, which according to life as we know it, shouldn’t have. Now you know in your life when you ‘feel’ something is going to happen, an awareness that is quite strong and affects your focus on it, or you have this sudden ‘change’ about doing something, go off in another direction, and run into an old friend, or future wife/husband in the most amazing circumstances. Or maybe those things that we fob off as ‘odd’ like someone calling you, and you knew they were going to ring, or thinking of someone and running into them soon after. These are all what we call everyday things that we have put down to luck, coincidence, fluke or just plain strange. If you were left at that level you would probably go about your business and be none the wiser. But if an ‘event’ happens, and this can occur when your going through a time in your life when everything seems to be upside down, it will really shake you up and make you start to ask questions of yourself. Foremost it will shake your belief in who you are. It will make you assess what you thought was your direction, attitude and importance of things in your life. Things that mattered won’t matter, things that were irrelevant suddenly become a focus and before you know it your whole life has changed.

I’ll give an example of an ‘event’ which happened to me. Now don’t forget that these events are different for everyone and more to the point they may seem a lot less in the beginning of your journey than what I’m about to say. They occur for you, where your at, and the circumstances that are currently running in your life…they are to ‘create’ an awareness and help you along your path. And also remember that these words are here for you to understand that these events aren’t so strange and are in fact a part of your life to allow a balance to occur to complete who you are.

Ok, a quick background…I’m male, 54, a Cancer with a Cancer rising star sign. Β Emotional, touchy, feely type, and I might add that the star sign is irrelevant, it makes a basis of who you are, but, if I gave ten people, (of the same star sign), a hit at a golf ball, one would be great, one would be terrible and all the rest in between. But if they practise they will all get better and in their own way ie. Left handed, swing short etc etc. It does not matter where you are at, you can always create a better place for yourself. To continue…So in general I felt all those everyday things until one day all hell broke loose. It was of my own making (and looking back I can see why and more to the point, what, or should I say who it created), which led to that dreaded word ‘Divorce’. As you would be aware, after 25 years, this creates a very emotional uproar and in itself creates such a mess that you spend a large amount of time of trying to find yourself again and build yourself back to some sanity. So in amongst all this I decided I was truly going to find what it was I really wanted out of life, and so off I went, not realising just how big a turning point this was going to be in my life. This is the beginning of a new attitude, an urge, your wanting to do something, be accepted for who and what you are, give to something worthwhile and because you ‘love’ doing it…it involves your heart…and that type of giving is what it all boils down to. You’ve been around people who have their hearts into something and the incredible lovely energy that comes from them when they are doing their thing is almost palpable. And when it starts to open you up…from the inside out…you realise what has been missing in your life.

Now I’ve worked in every imaginable job known to man and knew that I wasn’t really happy in any of them, it was money because you needed it for family, a house, car, pool, holidays etc, pure and simple. And never once considering the emotional context of what I wanted so kept my body chained to the grind, so to speak. So now I asked myself what would I really like to do and realised that the one thing I loved doing was giving massages. Didn’t have a clue how to give them properly but thought, why not. So off I went to class for the next two years to obtain a Diploma. (I am 40 years old at this point). And that’s when the fun began. Gave good massages and in doing so I began to ‘feel’ people as they came in the door. Now I, and most other people, can be aware when someone comes up to us we can ‘feel’ where someone is at by just looking…happy people when they are smiling, jaunty walk, looking up and around etc…sad people when they are down around the mouth, dragging their feet along, looking at their feet as they walk etc…and if you see a limp you know where they are hurting. So that’s accepted, but when I occasionally got ‘glimpses’ of a hurt here or a hurt there, when there was no obvious signs, it was then that I realised that I had a sensitivity to other peoples energy. An awareness that pointed out something that wasn’t right and I would ‘know’ to some degree of what it was. The first time it happened I assumed my head was getting in the way and after a long days massaging I was a bit tired, so I said nothing to the client. Nor the second or tenth time. Now by this time I think spirit, higher self, my guide, God or whatever way you wish to look at it became a little frustrated with my ‘wanting to give from this good place I had decided on’ but was not using this opening for its intended purpose. So I have to admit at this time to feeling a little ‘push’ to say something to my next client. And man, you should have heard the argument going on in my head while I was working on this poor lady. It must have been the worst massage she ever had. But, after an hour’s argument, I finally mentioned that I thought she had a problem with her reproduction system, it didn’t feel right.

Well, I waited for the reaction that would finalise my career or have the police on my doorstop that night, but to my relief she said that her ovaries were ulcerated and causing her some grief. But she did ask how in heavens name did I know that. Now trying to tell someone this can be a little awkward to say the least but finally realising that what you ‘feel’ is in fact coming from a good place so the fear of my reply was reduced and you eventually become accustomed to replying with a newborn confidence because you ‘know’ where its coming from. And I also began to realise that when I did this it gave me a nice warm loving feeling within which made me realise I WAS coming from the right place. Now, word of warning, there is a tiny little thing that goes with this or any gift for that matter…and it’s called integrity. If you do not give your gift with the love that the gift was given to you (by your opening of your heart to give from this place) it will attract to you any negativity that you put into it. No ifs, no buts, it will, like all of life, attract whatever you put out there. You want love and happiness, put it out there by BEING love and happiness. Love yourself first and you will naturally give from that place. Now I don’t mean that as you stumble along initially trying to find where your coming from, or fear of saying the wrong thing, as at this time it can be quite confusing trying to understand where you are at, and where you are giving from. But as you become more aware there is a (human) tendency to become a little egotistical or I’m better than you type thing…and trust me, spirit will let you know exactly where your at. Big time! I, in my early days of beginning to think my spiritual journey was up there with the saints and flying high, got me in a position one night at a friend’s home for a meditation group that I had been going to for a couple of years. The lady that normally takes us through the meditation thought that it might be the right time for me to have my first go to take the group through it this night. So the lights went down, the lovely music came on, and off I went…started out the journey wonderfully….and then as everyone had really begun their journey…it was like spirit had put a block on my brain, I came to a complete stop and couldn’t utter another word…tried to come back in to continue after a bit but all that came out was babble, and if anything I disrupted quite a few people because of what happened. Very big lesson, leave the ego at the door, after a while you realise it isn’t needed anymore and you begin to come from a really good place.

I remember an ‘event’ in the early days, a client came in and all I could ‘feel’ was this total sense of loss and loneliness. As the massage went on and I spoke of feeling different things she asked what could I feel around her…and I really didn’t want to go there but spirit said, let’s go…(I keep saying spirit says, I feel that is what it is now, but back then it was just this urge to continue)…so I told her what I felt. She said nothing initially but when I came back in after she had changed she told me that her husband had passed away a few weeks ago, only several weeks after they had moved to the area, and she had no friends or family around her during this time. All I know is I felt such an empathy for her situation, my heart went out to her, and then Spirit opened me up and I practically moved over (in my own body) and let my higher self talk directly through me to the lady and let her know of the support in the area, people she could see and contact, and gave her my card so that if she was having any difficulties to ring me at any time. It was the most incredible feeling of love and acceptance where this came from within. Hopefully she felt that as I did. I remember it like it was yesterday because it left such an indelible imprint of just where it came from and what it can do coming from the right place. It is something you never forget.

Now after 12 years of ‘opening’ my heart to allow the love/spirit to come through I am really attuned to the emotions around people. Another ‘event’, an obviously pregnant lady I ‘bumped’ into one day, (three times…and trust me, spirit can be persistent, us humans tend to be a bit slow at times), gave such an incredibly intense sense of pain and loss that I could no longer ignore her. Even though from the outside there was no sign that she was so upset. Now remember the integrity thing…I usually let the universe do its thing and it will go where it needs to. (aka the bump into three times thing). But you have to remember that YOU are still part of things and you need to allow your feelings to guide you, not the ego ie. I can help everyone, and proceed to poke into everyone’s business and when your yelled at or abused get all offended because ‘you were only trying to help’. That may be, but you have to learn ‘when’ is a good time. In general you will find that they open to you first. But having said that you may like to read on and find just what predicaments you can find yourself in even after you apply the ‘so called’ rules. Now, the pain and emotional agony from this lady, (I found out she was seven months pregnant), was so intense I could feel a death, (I actually thought her partner/husband had died), and the hurt and pain that goes with it, along with this feeling of being totally overloaded with it all. I gently stopped to one side of her and quietly asked was everything ok…at which point she burst into tears and really got into a mess. As I spoke I tried to calm her and let her know I was concerned and just wanted to help. After about ten minutes of crying she was finally able to calm down and was confused in how I knew something was wrong, (she had obviously thought that her emotions were all covered up for no one to see), and said she would be ok. I gave her my card and told her if I could help in any way, please contact me. At this point she just nodded and left. Now, the universe is persistent when something needs to be done, so one day a few weeks later I ‘bumped’ into her again and she proceeded to tell me that she had a police search done on me, (she is a policewoman), to check out who the hell I was, as I had freaked her out a bit, a total stranger, coming out of nowhere and seeing things within her I shouldn’t. So I decided I had better leave at that point and wondered just what it was I was meant to do. So I just let it go, but the universe had other ideas. When I ‘bumped’ into her the next time she was in a much better place and we were able to have a nice long conversation, (which I think she very much needed at the time). She was having twins, one of the twins had died but she had to carry the baby to full term, (I think it was for the safety of the other baby). She has Grave’s disease which brings your anxiety levels all over the place which comes out as irritability, nervousness like being in a permanent nervous breakdown. And just to top it all off, she had also just had some cancerous lymph glands removed from her breast with the thoughts of not knowing whether they had got it all or not. Overall why wouldn’t you feel like the world had just laid the boot in and wonder why the hell some strange lunatic was accosting you on the side walk. I haven’t seen her since then so hopefully what was needed from our encounter has helped her on her journey. I know I got a lot from it, in many ways!

I also know that above all else, I’ve learned to never judge anybody else, you don’t know where they’ve been or what they’ve been through. Their fears aren’t your fears just as your fears aren’t theirs. It’s never an easy journey, but that is the whole point, if your given something you say ‘thank you’ and on you go with not much thought given to it. But, if you have to struggle for something, then it is always much more appreciated because of the struggle it has taken to get you there.

Not many of my ‘events’ are this strong but they do knock on the door to let you know your path is good and the love from the little pump, pump thing is going along nicely. Take pride in that. Not the egotistical pride that says look at me. The pride that says you are where you are supposed to be, giving from a place where there is only love, and shows you after a lot of time finding yourself, that this journey is so very worthwhile.

So now I hope you have an idea of what this path we are all on entails. This is only an fraction of what really can happen when you finally decide to ‘open’ to spirit, guide or God. It doesn’t matter what religion or belief system you have as it will still be a part of your life. It always has been. And it always will be. You have just now enhanced your awareness of it, and each time you read, hear or experience anything that you feel from within, opens you more to this incredible place so that your life begins to change. You lose that everyday stress, that ‘have to’ drag yourself out of bed each morning, the working blues and even that constant tiredness that affects everything you do. The end result,(even though I don’t think there IS any end to this), is the change that it brings to your life, a change that in the beginning feels a little scary because your worried about what others will think of you because your attitude to things have changed, the urge to be different because it feels right. And like any fear in your life, the moment that you face it, it loses its hold on how strongly you felt about it, it won’t matter anymore, it’s not that monster that hid in the closet all your life. Your free…finally, totally, irrevocably free…and this allows you to give even more as spirit has found this ‘opening’ to give from. The more open the heart is, (from releasing all our fears), the more comes through. And amazingly enough, the more you heal (and we all heal in many ways), anybody else, the more YOU receive on the way through. A very win/win outcome.

As time goes on spirit knows where you are at, when your ready to ‘give’ from a different level, and guides you in such a way that you can take this on board and know how to use it. The ‘gifts’ are so varied ie. healing, writing, caring, singing, being a mother/father, shopkeeper, vet…and the list goes on and on. Do you love what you do? Does it make you really smile from within? Do you get into a conversation with someone where you can’t stop because your so into it? Do you get that glow from within after you’ve done something for someone or the many? Here’s something to think on. Your following someone along the footpath, they drop a $50 note but don’t realise it. You automatically pick it up and call out to them to stop. They turn around and you give the money back. They are very thankful and even offer you some money or a cup of coffee for your honesty. How does it make you feel? Honestly, think about it, is it a nice warm glow that you take with you for the rest of the day? Does it bring a smile with the thought of knowing it was a good thing that you did. Yes, you know you could have used that $50 note on so many things…but…if you would have kept it, what would have been the feeling then? What would have been the first impulse…to turn away so they didn’t see you pick it up…look around to see if anyone saw you…to hide, be anywhere else but right there…and feel so uncomfortable that your day would feel lousy. And it would ‘prick’ your conscience at different times in the future. The difference between the two is such an opposite as is night and day. And that is what Spirit is all about, it’s that simple. And the more that you follow that path, the more open you become and the more Spirit moves through you. And by design, the more you give, the more is given to you. Everything is the reverse of what we think will happen. Logic says that if I give everything away, I’ll have nothing. But if you give from that place, like the giving of the money back above, it will come back tenfold. And I know, I’m there, now. To see the results of my actions, with no thought of any return from what I do, has been amazing. And to top this all off, you begin to understand how it all works. Things just start to go in the direction I need to go. Yes there is still hard bits, but you understand why they are there, and you become more accepting of that, and realise you need it for your Highest Good, which reduces the pain and makes it so much easier.

Now I have to relate another story here, and I have to give thanks to a lovely lady who in my early years tried sooo hard to show me a thing called ‘Parking Angels’. I was told by this young lady that when she goes down the street shopping, paying bills etc that a parking space is always there for her. I would always scoff, laugh and go ‘yeah right’ and off we would go. Now the odds of a parking spot in this particular town was like finding diamonds by the handful on the footpath. So as I would drive to our destination a car would pull out just as we got there. Now initially I would do the ‘aren’t you lucky’ comment and let it go. By the 100th trip I was beginning to think she had paid someone to drive out as we drove up. So I decided in my pearly wisdom that as soon as any car drove away I would slow to let someone else take the parking spot, and you wouldn’t believe it, as soon as that spot was taken the next car along would drive away to leave an empty spot for us. And I’ll never forget the first time we never got a parking spot and had to drive right down the end of the street and around the corner to park, (a long way from where she needed to go). I laughed so hard I cried. Smiling as always, she got out of the car, and ran smack bang into an old friend that she hadn’t seen for years. I had to eat my laughter. Now tell me Spirit doesn’t work. I am now a believer. Along with so many other things that are now put into my lap. A reason to smile every day. Yes, there will be days, but the more you ‘go with the flow’ and give from that place the better it becomes and easier it is to handle anything that does come along.

This journey is always about healing your heart. Everything we do, feel and think about is always connected to that little pump/pump within. Whether it’s ‘got no money’, and this comes down to the security, safety and the emotional peace and happiness that that gives you, the ‘loss of a partner/family member/job/relationship’ which has a very direct link within, as you know, from how much this hurts as most of us have been through some, (or all), of the above. To even where we think that we have it all. How many people do you know that were on their so called ‘top of the world’ only to see it crumble before their eyes. So that they can make this journey. To ‘see’ another way, another world, that opens up to them and in doing so heals the pain that has always been within, that loneliness, loss, agony of never knowing what will make them happy again. Fill a void that never seems to shift. And finally bring a smile and some peace and an understanding of something that was always there but never seemed to be real. And yes, when you finally realise its reality, and let it all go because you realise it is YOU, the higher self, that is behind all this and showing YOU how to understand yourself by giving this journey so you can FEEL what it is really like to go from the extremes of the emotions so that when love and an unconditional heart finally arrive together within, you have completed that journey, and know above all else that you have arrived home. Yes, you’ve done this, so that you can know that truth within, can understand what love is and give from that place. And always have that warm glow within. You must feel that pain, it’s like being given money for nothing, never appreciated, but if you have to work, strive and put in a lot of physical, emotional effort for something, you appreciate it immensely. That journey with all the lower emotions of hate, anger, jealousy shows you where you don’t want to be. So now when love comes along it’s not just fantastic, it is a place of intense inner beauty, a glow that can move mountains, a place where you smile not just with your lips but by every energy particle in your being. And that place is where we all yearn to be, unconditionally, no expectations, no wants or needs, just being our own truth from having an understanding of that place where we have been and how we have reached this point within. The day that I understood this, I was so open after many years of taking this path, and had fallen in love with the most wonderful woman in the world, and she had just told me, (after twelve months), that she no longer wanted to continue the relationship, I realised that I could still love her, unconditionally, even though she no longer wanted to be with me so that she could begin the next part of her journey. It was quite an amazing experience to realise this. So I was able to let go and not feel that emotional upheaval that usually goes with it. Now don’t get me wrong, I did feel like I had lost the most beautiful woman in the world, a woman that was so loving, gentle, warm and caring beyond measure. That is a very hard thing to lose, but having felt this feeling and knowing that it was ok to love this way with no expectation and that she needed to go on her journey without me, and be happy for her to do that, gave me such an incredible feeling of understanding of what it really was to give from that place of unconditional love. I still wobble, yes I still love her very much, still have all those human emotions, but above all that I am understanding that I need to feel these things, from the lowest to the highest, so that I can appreciate where I’ve been and where I’m going, and then give from that place. This is my, (and your), journey! We can’t get off, we’ve paid our money, so why not make it as easy and beautiful as we can. Ask for help, there is many here that are quite willing to assist in any way you need, just ask! Spirit will put what YOU need right in front of you. And it feels so much better when you know there are people who care and giving from that place within. Part of that journey is to also receive, not only does it give the other person that beauty of giving, but shows us the beauty of understanding that others do care, and showing that by giving that help to us.

There is much, much more I could say here but as I said before, this is my journey. Some of this you will understand totally, some will leave you wondering. But its purpose is to give you an awareness, a helping hand when your not sure, a direction when your lost or a just a signpost to say, ‘I’m ok, right where I am’. This is YOUR journey, YOUR finding of who YOU are and what that means to YOU. It is different for all of us but we have to start somewhere and hopefully in these pages a button will get pressed, a ‘click’ will happen or even an aha! moment will be reached even if to just point you in another direction.

So, are you ready…do you wish to change who you are…see what may happen…and be the person you know is in there, and live that truth?

11 thoughts on “The Beginning

  1. I popped back here after reading, ‘The Death’ because I couldn’t remember what this post contained. Having just read it again, and seeing my initial comment here from over two years ago, I stand by what I said then, Mark. An incredibly honest read and beautiful for it. All the moreso in that time has passed and I’ve gotten to know you better. I’m still mulling over what I read in The Death and its significance to my friend, to his family, to me, to all of us, I guess.
    Thanks, Mark, for being here on this journey. It certainly is often through the eyes of others that ours are opened more. Spirit sure nudges when and as required.

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    • Thank you momus, it is an incredible journey, and the people you meet can be amazing, especially the poets πŸ˜€
      They do open our hearts and our minds, and your gift is a wonder in itself πŸ™‚
      And yes, in the ‘knowing’ of something or someone our ideals change and guide us ever onward to that heart within. We are always attracted by the light that they shine in their lives.
      Thankfully there are many lights to guide us, and your star most certainly shines momus.
      Thank you for sharing your wisdom my friend, the spirit within you is certainly a ‘nudger’ πŸ™‚

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