Tag Archives: understanding

Loving Ourselves!

Loving ourselves (unconditional), is our natural state, it is only the fears and walls that we build that block it. And as each fear or wall is removed we begin to ‘feel’ on a much different level.

It becomes easier and easier to understand and have much empathy for another, because of the love we actually give ourselves BECAUSE we have looked into those fears, had the courage to face them, and once understood we release them, they no longer hold us in the patterns that we give them.

Most people do not understand what it means to love ourselves. When we love another it is built with so many expectations (and I might add, a needed lesson like any other), because we look for beauty, attitudes, strength, and those other things like money, security etc. But when we give love to ourselves….there is no expectation, it is an unconditional love.

We don’t first look for something so that it is accepted when we face our fears, there are no conditions when we finally gain the courage to look within, see our pain for what it is, and finally understand what had kept our walls in place and then by removing them in that understanding, give that love to ourselves within that healing.

We remove the duality of feeling a low sense of self worth (by isolating ourselves by building walls to keep it at bay), and finally accept ourselves for exactly who we are. That is unconditional love, and not an expectation within miles.

Once we give ourselves that unconditional love, we then give from that place. It isn’t until we love ourselves that we truly can love another, with no expectations.

The following is a very profound and beautiful verse that a lovely lady (Christy) shared with me as a guest post on Michelle’s Lipstick and Laundry blog:

——————————

    The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand

that this, too, was a gift.

(by Mary Oliver, from Thirst, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006)

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And yes, that box full of darkness has great meaning. We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.

Be brave, be strong and believe in you…for through that darkness is a beauty beyond measure. It is the truth of what you really are.

Namaste

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I’m Ok!

But if ok is enough, then you would never appreciate the discovery of that love within. It all leads back inside to finding your truth, that understanding that all your ‘looking’ for something out there, is really back inside your heart. And the only thing that is blocking it, is the fear to look within, that self doubt that we all have from years of having it drummed in that we aren’t good enough, not loveable which builds a wall of self doubt.
Look within, search for that part that upsets you the most, a switch that gets thrown when someone treats you a certain way and upsets you to the core, even creating an anger that you always try to suppress. And we all avoid looking because of that fear, who wants to go into something that makes us feel that way.
But there is your journey, because when you finally really look deep into it and for the first time ‘see’ what has been driving it for all these years….you will finally UNDERSTAND it…and it will no longer hold that fear anymore because you now see why it has held you fast…and you let it go, your life will change to such a degree it will feel like you have been released from jail after 50 years, it is that profound.
You will be changed forever….AND you will feel more closer and loving to yourself because you now see what has kept you in this unloving place. And in that love, you will find that thing that we all search for….happiness.
We had not allowed ourselves to touch that place within through those beliefs of ourselves….now there is no wall to block the truth of what we really are within. The duality that we all must face, to find that unconditional love within us all, can now be felt, seen and released, and we begin to stand in that truth….and just be glad and smile in that knowing πŸ™‚
That is our path in all that we do down here on this lovely big blue planet. It is to find ourselves in the millions of ways that it is possible as we trip, stumble and sway to the rhythms of life. It all points back to how we feel about ourselves and how we express that out into the world.
We all seek that happiness, that well of love that will lift us out of all that we go through and save us from the pain and hurt that this life brings. But within it are great wisdom’s to find that self truth. How can we know and appreciate love unless we are treated poorly….how can we find our compassion and empathy unless we have lost and suffered. All we go through cannot be understood until we actually go through and feel them, the good and the bad.
This journey is filled with great pain, but also tempered with great love so that we UNDERSTAND what it is when we finally step into that love of ourselves….that unconditional love of self. And it is all given with a great love so that we CAN see that journey.
We all know when a truth touches us inside….follow that path…for it is the path home, to that happiness we all seek within.

Self Love!

It takes a big event in our lives to reach that place within where we finally stop, and sometimes after a very long time of persevering with something…a marriage, relationships with friends or family, a personal situation or even at work, and come to that place where we can see that enough is enough.

It is a very pivotal moment. It draws the fears to the surface but now instead of recoiling and trying to shove it down so it can no longer be seen as we usually do, we finally reach a place that we no longer wish to fight this any more and so we step through it. And it will push buttons that you have never tested before, a strange world where you stand up inside and take those first tentative, wobbly steps to reclaim a sense of self and a realisation that ‘I am worth so much more than this’.

And finally, in that realisation you will achieve something that a lifetime had not. The ability to give within…to give that self love from a truthful place and realise you ARE worth so much more.

So starts the journey to stand in that truth and become what this path seeks, the creation of a love that builds an understanding of love inside, but all starting from a place of fear so that we can see and appreciate what it has taken to find that place within. Both have much purpose, as one cannot be achieved without the other. Hard yes, but if it was easy it would be forgotten in a moment.

That relationship you have persevered with has given you the one thing that you have been seeking all your life…to find that self love and the true happiness that it holds.

Lets say your going through a divorce. And your ex-partner was to find another partner who makes them feel all happy, alive and excited with life…inside they will still be seeking their self love in that need to be with another…based on their fears. That happiness they seek can only be found in that self realisation. If you have found the reason that drove your fears within that relationship, you can now release them but not through anger or hurt, but from a place of understanding as you will now realise ‘why’ you were attracted to that relationship. This will allow you to forgive them (and yourself), now in your self realisation of what you have now understood…as they may not have found the beauty of what you have now become, and still looking to fill the pain and loss in their hearts.

This may take several relationships to ‘see’ that you seem to be hitting the same snags in your relationships, going through the same patterns, but this has purpose so that you ‘can’ see what is holding you back, the fear that will be underneath all your actions and keep you travelling that journey. Until finally it all comes to the surface and it cannot be hidden any longer. This is your moment, your chance to release something that has held you forever in a half truth of life, a place that had happiness but always marred by this thing that would pounce to always let you know that it was still a part of who you are.

And as that uproar settles you are now free to truly look inside and understand that the more you act in that self love, and I mean that with integrity and not a selfish way, your life will now slowly find a happiness, a true happiness where you no longer seek another based on those earlier fears of ‘not being loved or insecurity’ because you have now found that within yourself, the entire purpose of your journey.

Self love is an ability to truly look inside and realise what those fears were, and see how they have driven your life in so many ways and held you in those patterns. To face them IS self love for you will give to yourself something worth more than any other thing in this world. It is a freedom that is unbelievable when you finally step past it and feel that freedom for the first time, and in doing so you realise just how constrained you have been in all of your life. That fear constantly held ‘out of sight, out of mind’, not realising just how conformed you have become to living with it riding on your shoulders.

And as time slowly goes by you become more relaxed, more ‘seeing’ the world from a whole new perspective as you are no longer ‘on guard’ for the fear that was always there as you went about your life. This freedom begins to rebuild what you ‘want’ to be, rather than feeling ‘forced’ to be something by the world around you. A happier place where even if anything comes up in your life, your ability to cope is more at ease, relaxed and understanding….because you have been there, have much wisdom because of that journey and can now help others from now being in that place…and glad to do so.

The anger and pain that usually comes with these events are a part of being able to ‘let go’ from the loss of the security and love that we feel we are losing. And usually because it feels like a total rejection of who and what we are, and a very painful experience that hurts because we feel so unloved…and that is the key…it is a fear that is built on our own self worth. Our own inability for self love. And this is built from childhood and the relationships we have with (usually), our parents and how they were able to express the love that THEY were shown by their parents….and on and on it goes. We are always trying to find what we feel we haven’t got. And we feel we haven’t got that love, and the happiness within that, so we try to find that love in others…but it is in our self love that the answer is hidden.

We have been through a childhood where we have felt either a rejection of love, a hurt or a denial by someone we loved and looked up to. And in that is built our self worth. Are we loveable or not? That self worth takes a battering at this time and we spend the rest of our lives trying to rebuilt that feeling of love and connection with another, to rebuilt that loss we hold forever in our hearts as a consequence of this hurt, and to find that happiness again that has so much meaning within it. But when each time we are with another and they do something that gives us that feeling of rejection again, it re-ignites that fear and we jump straight back behind those emotional walls to keep that pain out.

Holding onto the pain and fear will only hold us in that pattern. We must look within it to find why it makes us feel this way…deeper in your heart to find what you are afraid of, and seek its meaning. In that you disarm it, realise the truth behind your fear…AND LET IT GO.

In total truth the above journeys do have great meaning…those relationships that seem to be a horror at the time ARE done from a place of great love, so that we DO find that self love within. Those instances where the world seems to be crumbling around us DO allow us to eventually come to that place within, and in doing so we heal that hole that always seems to be in our lives, and completes us in such a way that we ‘let go’ and no longer hold onto so many things that in the end, have no meaning or worth and opens us back up to that love and eventually give back out what we have now become.

Because I have been on this journey from a healer’s perspective and actively searched for meaning within my journey, spirit has shown me a great deal of understanding as I step through my fears and see those fears within others. We all must go through them to find that self love within, and gradually we are shown where the love really is…inside us, not ‘out there’. And in that realisation we finally see that all the stress and pain in our lives are all built upon the foundation of our fears that we have held in place since childhood. It is our path…a painful one but with an outcome that will far outshine all that went before.

Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves. If we didn’t we would always be wandering around pointing the finger at the world for the pain that we are in. If you look around you will see this, but eventually they begin to realise that they are changing, and in that change they find a new heart, a new direction and a peace that goes with that understanding. There is a silver lining to all events, it is made that way even though at times it may not feel like it, and slowly we are guided to find that truth within.

This world has many things for us all…much beauty AND much fear, so that we can become what we all truly seek. It is a balance where we will attract exactly what we need to find that beautiful heart within and finally understand the love that we are.

Where is your heart now?

Look inside, find that self love…your happiness is there…that unconditional love that is who you are…you are so worth it!

Life by the Numbers!

I initially didn’t understand spirit when told you can never understand anything until you HAVE experienced something. I always thought that spirit knew everything…and they do…but they do not ‘know’ it. That is our journey, to see, feel, understand and become that unconditional love within from every possible way, every infinite path within this universe, and probably outside this universe (sorry, spirit hasn’t mentioned anything beyond our earthly life here), a ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’ I am not….yet πŸ™‚
So I looked back over my life to see this journey and realised I really don’t ‘know’ anything until I experience it. You can be given lots of information which will create an awareness but its actuality has not been realised yet.

So I get the manual out…

Step 1. You are born into this world, painfully (birth canal), blindingly (theatre lights…unless you didn’t make it that far and the taxi was as far as you got πŸ™‚ ), and stark naked (I’m sure there wasn’t a wardrobe in there anywhere, but ask mum and I’m sure she will beg to differ, the pressure on the bladder for nine months couldn’t have been from just one tiny little body).

Step 2. I’ve got holes in me…the urge to shove everything….and I mean everything in my mouth is incredible (I can even chew the dogs ear but apparently that’s not acceptable). And these other holes…who invented those! Phew…is this a test, an endurance trial…it leaks like crazy and mum keeps looking at me with these incredibly loving eyes…till I leak, and especially that one at the back, WOW doesn’t that create a fuss, especially when it’s not expected. Out to dinner, at a function…and something funny called ‘I’ve got no wipes’. And I want what mum’s got over her nose, I think she called it a ‘peg’.

Step 3. I see lots of action. Tossed up into the air and caught on the way down, at attempt number seven I throw up all I’ve eaten and see such vivid colours AND the noise it creates can be a bit scary. People flapping all around me. This happens repeatedly over the years and I keep doing this but they never seem to learn.

Step 4. It’s now school time. Years of torment from all those other nose picking, humiliating, fight starting, embarrassment creations from all those pranks by the other kids. Oh, and we learn something called school work. Numbers, logic, playing with words all the time, and something called ‘life’ that is absolutely nothing like what really happens. Where do they get this stuff!

Step 5. I am struck totally numb. It was so sudden that I think it must be a particularly virulent disease that has taken me over. I can’t think or eat and anything like sanity you can forget. I don’t know what happened but she looked at me funny. Kind of smiled and did this pirouette and sauntered off. I’ve been lost ever since. This is dangerous, I cannot function while this smiling face keeps floating through my mind. I wonder where she lives?

Step 6. I married the disease darling. The circumstance has worked its way into me to such a degree I just say yes to everything. Where did she get that smile. I’m sure this is illegal. Oh, and I found out it is something called ‘love’. And you must repeat this often or all smiles are off….right off. Eating from a tin is ok, but it does not taste anything like what she can do.

Step 7. What?…you want to have a what??? No way! I mean of course I would love to have one of those…but now! Ok, ok…yes, of course I love you! Victory in defeat…is that an oxymoron? And so the cycle goes on…now she throws up, followed by the baby throwing up, followed by me as I clean one of those orifices. How can it be that colour?

Step 8. My mind is screaming, I want to jump off something, my world is upside down. No, not another nappy. She’s left me 12 months ago for another man. He would have to at least be able to mow lawns, clean the attic, paint the garage and change a nappy five times before lunch to outdo me! But she’s gone…and I’ve had enough of….me.

Step 9. Spirit whispers to me ‘Get off your butt and do something’. I think it’s just me feeling miserable and ignore it as usual. This time spirit says ‘Your going to die!’. I tell spirit ‘We all are’. Spirit says ‘But you’ve only got five years’. NOW spirit has my attention. And I realise that I can sit here and be sorry for myself or I can see the truth in the fact that I could die any day, so do I want to stay in this hole or do I want to live. No brainer.

Step 10. I realise that it has always been me and how I reacted to life and what I did about it. And that I have a passenger on board that has always been there guiding away…but ‘sometimes’ I don’t listen. Ok, the disease darling that I married (and still love if I admit it), made me, forced me, showed me what and why I was really feeling within and with great love crushed me, made the baby throw up on me all the time, dragged me kicking and screaming, showed me my fears so that I may be divorced free and live a life of unconditional love. (grumble, grumble…ok, this part takes time to get through).

Step 11. It’s time. I’ve released that body that has carried me for years and years. The relief and beauty that I’m now feeling is beautiful. Finally I’ve let go of that life of misery and pain and emotional turmoil. I know I’ve gained much wisdom and ‘knowing’ from the hardships I’ve been through. I realise that these hard journey’s must be done to understand what unconditional love is. I know I’m now in a much more loving place within from that understanding. I see a lovely light coming towards me…at last, I’m free…totally free. And as I enter the light I see….I see…no, noooo…I’m being born into the bilge water in the bottom of a convict ship, everyone chained to the walls. Nooo, send me back, I want to go back, I’ll be good I promise…pleeeeeease, send me back!!!

Step 12. This is life 682. Only 43,318 to go. They say that it teaches such beauty and wisdom and love. Well, no point in fighting it, as I throw up onto the first mate’s shirt for the second time. I think I might be starting to get the hang of this.

Splat!

Well folks, I’ve done it again. Another little adventure to see a part of myself that obviously hasn’t been very clear to me.

And spirit being the very loving other half of me, allowed me to have a venture into life, allow me to fall flat on my face, and discover just where my heart is currently at.

Being a regular reader of scottishmomus’s site of poetry and words of life I usually click a like or fire a comment her way as I find the words of her poetry enjoyable. She has a way with expressing something, even if it is about something a little risque.

And she did this the other day with a very well written piece about problems that older , men and women, go through as they get older in life. I laughed because of its relevance and how it strikes us all, regardless of who we are and where we are in life.

And that’s where I decided to give a reply of an incident in my own life…..a very risque one ^^’

Now because of where I’m at in my life I have no problems speaking what is a truth within my life, so I do, without hesitation, because I know it is just a part of life that we all go through.

Well, I sent the comment in reply, and started to feel uncomfortable. So I went for a walk, I had a coffee, I chatted to different people, I got lost in multiple things…and it kept coming back to haunt me.

So I did what I always do and decided I needed to ‘see’ something here or why else the feelings.

So after another 24 hours (and a chat to spirit), I finally realised that my comment was having an effect on me simply because what I had said was an old way of how I used to be.

The following is a quote that I sent to mommus….

“When your awareness reaches where I am at, you no longer do ‘old’ things….like I used to fire off comments like that dime a dozen and not think anything of it.
But because I realise that how I am now within myself, is what I put out into the universe , and then attract back accordingly. I am no longer in that space and the comment has made me feel very uncomfortable.
I suppose its like kicking an old habit…when you do it again after a very long time, you kick yourself and feel daft for doing it again πŸ™‚
But no, I’m not worried about the goody two shoes bit even though I was constantly worried about what others thought of me up until only a few years ago, and I’m just as flawed as the rest of the planet, I can still do daft things (thankfully) as it teaches much, and I obviously needed to see this to realise where I’m now at.
But what my main ‘thing’ was….I have reached a point within myself where I stand in my truth. Now what happened IS a truth, but in understanding that truth you come to realise that they did assist you in becoming what you now are…BUT, they ARE no longer what you have now become. Standing in those old truths again takes you back into those feelings, attitudes etc.
We all change, and as you said, it is part of the process.
To give you an example…when we go back to a place long ago in our lives, it gives a range of feelings, some good, some bad…but almost all of them we think, yes it had its time but I wouldn’t go back there, because we have learnt from that time, we are changed, we are no longer that person. “And can actually feel uncomfortable…BECAUSE we now know better (of ourselves), and are past those times and feelings in our lives. We can even go back into old relationships…but because we have learnt and moved on, it is never the same, we are changed by our experiences.”
It is a natural process to move on, or we would be forever stuck in our childhoods of eating sweets, ice cream and wanting to ride on dads shoulders πŸ™‚
So it is an expectation, a knowing that I have moved past that. Yes, I laughed my head off at your post BECAUSE it was written with the wisdom of a mother, teacher and very funny lady, and because of all those experiences. Your take on life is done in such a way to enable us to laugh at ourselves, it is a very big thing to be able to do that, it is an acceptance of ourselves even though we can do some crazy things.
And those memories are important as they are the guide to our future. The basis of our wisdom and the love that that creates.”

I sent an apology to mommus, and on her post for any offense caused, but truly inside…I think it was because I wasn’t standing in my truth…and I know that isn’t my path.

So, I obviously needed to ‘go back’ and see where I’m now at. No, I’m not a prude or a holier than thou in where I’m at….but, I do know that I’m what I have become…a wiser, more loving and giving person BECAUSE of my journey through all of those things, like we all do as we go through life. And just maybe to pop a little ego bubble that was floating around in my life and make me stop and think a little πŸ™‚

And I accept that, for it brings us closer to that love we all seek within ourselves, a love of that truth within, our truth, by the journey that is us.

Curtain Call!

I have just read a great piece, En garde by candidkay, about our journey through our relationships and the choices we make in trying to come to terms with the decisions we have made in our life. Stay or not stay, go and live in the unknown or stay and put up with…um, something that is not so bad…I think.

These can be one of the most difficult things to admit to…let alone face. And even if we do the dreaded question comes up about our self worth. ‘Can I do this’ and ‘maybe I deserve this’ and our fears running backwards and forwards arguing relentlessly for a reprieve.

But it is part of the magic, to realise ourselves and begin that trek one step at a time to find that beauty that is inside us all. Bring out that confidence that IS in there, but only seems to peek from behind the curtain occasionally.

It is in finding that truth within that finally brings forth a new found confidence, and more than that, a beginning of understanding that in doing so you are starting a love affair with the one person in the world that means the most. You!

When you finally understand that, you begin to build within that confidence and courage because you are worth all that, and more. And as you step into that truth within, you begin to give out that confidence and love that you are beginning to build…AND…begin to attract that same energy because that is how it all works.

Give with an integrity and truth and that is what you attract right back.

The universe, in this, can be seen in its workings by what you are attracting. With great love it gives you exactly what is needed so that you may go past your fears and that unloving that you give yourself, until eventually you begin to see the journey IS all about you, and what you require to find that beauty within.

Once that understanding is reached everything begins to change, you realise self is very important in your journey and slowly you begin a path that will be outside what the world thinks is normal, but inside you will see and feel the change and the truth of what you have been through and what you now wish to become.

And the smiles begin, because you have seen and felt what it took to get here…and your self worth is slowly taking this worlds last curtain call for the last time, and beginning a new call for you.
Mark

The Safety of Awareness

Such a beautiful world. So balanced in all its ways. Yes, even the mistakes have purpose, for now we swear upon our hearts that we will never do it again, like so many other things in our lives. But we do….why?

It seems we have this insatiable need to have control of our lives, be in a place where we can handle most of what is thrown at us. And that ‘security’ is the basis of how we can face the world, even though we still find that many things throw us off balance. And we react to those things because they are the core issues of what we are afraid of, even if we don’t see them clearly all the time.

We spend so much time hiding in fear from the bully up the street, building and building this 30 foot monster until the very thought of going out the front door is abhorrent. But the bully is still the kid up the street that only knows that control of his life by what he thinks is ‘his’ safety. And probably totally forgotten about you unless you happen to be his current weaker opponent to make him feel better about himself.

And as our lives go on we build these safety places, places where we feel in control….falling in love, marriage, a home and even some ‘munchkins’ to build that inner peace (ok, the kids may be pushing that a bit πŸ™‚ ).

But in amongst this we get tested. A button pushed here and there, just so we can feel the other side, see where we are not feeling that safety we are trying to build. In general we go through it and feel relieved that we have passed through this and can move on.

But sometimes we really get something prodded so that we are losing that safety zone. Something won’t let go and reaches a point where we have no choice but to face it and go through, what we feel, is one of the most stressful times of our lives. A life issue…divorce, break ups, a death and even a job loss can take us down this path…because they all point to that one thing inside us all that we all avoid as much as possible…that negativity, our sense of worth in whatever form it takes, about ourselves that has been hammered home all our lives by, originally, those we love, but kept alive by those we attract to us.

Attract I say…yes…how many people have you pointed at and said, “she/he is doing it again”, “they never learn”, “I can’t believe this”, about someone else who is going through, for the tenth time, something that you can see is not right and know the outcome because you have been there. But that is the whole point, it is now no longer your fear, it doesn’t have that fearful hold on you any longer because you have gone through it (or never did because you had no fear of it).

But again, that is the entire point. Each and every time you understand that ‘knowing’ inside because you have felt that pain, that terror of going through something that has tested you beyond what you think you could handle, has raised your awareness, given you the wisdom to see and understand that what was underneath was something that you alone had built to protect yourself, but in truth blocked you from seeing the truth inside. The understanding after you go through this is huge.

And it has been given to you in this way for one reason only…to show you the beauty that is you. Underneath all the uproar and that feeling of, “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m going to lose it”, you show the strength that is really inside and you DO go through it, and finally see the truth of what you are inside…and you begin to stand in that awareness. You reach a point of, “I’m not doing this any more”, “I’m worth more than this”, “I deserve more than this”, and you slowly begin to break free.

Yes, it does take time, but that time is needed so that this very situation retests you, and each time you reinforce those words of worth and deserving a little more. Always more tears and even anger. But this anger is because your heart is asking you step past what you thought WAS your safety zone. That place that kept you in control of where you were at. But it was removed and the change was a serious asking of yourself to step out of that safety and move into a scary and strange world, one where you have never been before. And you will even find that you hold on desperately to this situation as it crumbles around you, out of the fear of losing that safety. Especially if it is a love for another.

Those people we give our hearts to are the one safety anchor in our lives that we think we can rely on forever. But it is also the one place that tears our hearts out. And it must or we will never step through those fears in our lives. We will use our love as a shield, to not see something within ourselves we don’t wish to, or even distract us so that we think everything is ok. But it is the power of that love that will take us on that journey within. It eventually makes us see that place we have avoided and suddenly our safe place is gone.

It is a tough journey, but it must be or we would never face what is buried inside. And after all is said and done, we do begin to love ourselves because of it. We are more deserving, we are worth so much more, and this event will bring this realisation and bring us closer to that heart within. Even the anger of being hurt and what we feel by being treated so poorly by those we loved will slowly subside as we realise that we are in a better place, much wiser, much more loving, because we have loved ourselves more and no longer need our love as a shield to protect us.

Our love for self is enough, we no longer need to rely on another’s love to be safe. And that understanding then allows us to give from that place of self love…and attract the same. We no longer ‘need’ to be in a relationship. We begin to understand that by loving ourselves we naturally give that love out. If we are angry, fearful or unhappy…that is what we give out and attract to us. When we love ourselves truly, go past our fears, we then give from an unconditional place, and attract that unconditional love….and no longer attract a situation where it asks us to go through something within.

And as that awareness grows, the more shadows in your life you go through and the more light you let in, the more that unconditional love shines out!

May your heart find that awareness.

Mark