The People In Our Lives!

People come into your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty…

To provide you with guidance and support…

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually…

They may seem like they are a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die…

Sometimes they walk away…

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand….

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled…

Their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has now been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON.

Because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons.

Things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life…

Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime

~ Unknown author ~

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They are guiding us towards that self love those many people in our lives…the good ones, bad and in between…they each show us…us!
May those that you meet see the truth and beauty that those before encouraged us to stand in ❤

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Reflections of Life!

And eventually we do put ourselves first…not as we normally do in life, forcefully…but by understanding our fears, and giving a love to ourselves that we initially did not dare because of how we felt about ourselves. It is in putting us first instead of our fears.

Our fears have to be lived to be understood, and in their outcome is the wisdom of that love. We always give from where we are at. And that is mirrored back to us in our lives by those around us. And as we grow up we give from those fears, a place where we feel unloved and unwanted. Each time we give a flower or argue with a friend, those actions are reflected back to us so that we can ‘see’ where our hearts are, giving out a curved version of who we are because of the expectations of ourselves built from those walls of fear.

And we can never see or understand our fears for many years because we avoid them because of their pain…but as life goes on, those around us keep reflecting back who we are, so that we can ‘see’ where we truly are inside. You know, those situations in relationships that always seem to keep repeating themselves, leaving you totally amazed at how these events keep happening. Making you feel like the universe is picking on you. Until you reach that point where ‘I can’t do this anymore’ becomes your mantra.

But once the fear is understood, it loses its power, and we then see that it has only been us that is blocking our love for ourselves…because we didn’t feel worthy of it.

Our negativities and low self worth from childhood hold those walls up until we are forced to step through them. As we have done by going through the many ups and downs within our life. Slowly we have been able to ‘see’ those walls and with great courage and strength, dared those fears to find that belief of who we really are within and become that love we always seek in our lives, that happiness that we look for but never seem to find.

It is there, gently waiting, prodding us to take the next step, to at last find that love, and be that true freedom within. And to be totally happy, for we have finally found what we have been seeking all our lives…to love ourselves unconditionally. For those fears ARE the conditions we had placed on our journey, and in defeating them we totally appreciate what it has taken to break through and find who we really are within.

And in doing so, we are finally free. Because that happiness is the love we dared to give ourselves, releasing the conditions that held us in chains, to find an unconditional that will leave you in tears…tears of love and gratitude because of what you have now found within.

May your journey dare those fears, for through them is a light like no other, and a beauty beyond measure…….your light   ❤

First Love! (Part II)

What can I say, that first encounter (First Love!) was over 12 months ago.
She crossed my mind often, in between life’s many wanderings…but not to make ‘that’ meeting again.
It felt like a loss, but not, because I was blessed with touching something so beautiful for what it was.
So I moved on, lived in a world somehow devoid a little because it felt so wonderfully close and personal, but never to be touched.
I had even tried to measure it against what I thought my life should be like, constantly a part of someone who made me feel that way.
Fool…expectations are a brace for the unwary, wanting of something that I couldn’t find in myself.
And because of that realisation, I let it go…gently, oh so gently.
And so in doing this, I allowed it to happen again…just by minding my own business, expectation-less and celebrating a birthday with a friend.
And there she was…I wasn’t sure what to do at first…a quick hello because of how unsure I felt, many people around us.
But the glow in that smile, the sparkle in those eyes could never hide this…this ‘connection’ beyond time.
We mingled with friends, always aware of a darted eye, a comment, and that smile that can only come from one place.
I also became aware my jaw was hurting again, like the first time, from smiling so much…but I didn’t care. I would recite a prayer 5 million times just to see her smile.
Many little chats began, but broken because we realised we were ignoring everyone else…but flowing so smoothly.
And suddenly we were by ourselves, wiping up the dishes, a chore by anyone’s standards…but we didn’t see it.
And even that came to an end, and my time was up, I had to leave…but never wanting to.
Unsure of what to say to end this day…I lifted my arms to show a farewell at the least by that embrace.
And it happened…….we gently embraced and joined together in the most beautiful serenity, melting into each other.
We floated in a sensation that when we met before was but a gentle flutter, now turning full force.
The world did not exist, nothing did but that beautiful touch within.
A moment as the ego wanted to know what it meant, but I released it and moved beyond it into acceptance. Just a perfect moment where everything was…was…just so perfect.
Not a word was spoken, it didn’t need to be. Not a movement was made, it was no longer required…we just were.
I have felt many things in this life, touched many hearts, experienced much love, physically and spiritually in the healing’s around me.
But this…words could not utter what was there in that moment…I was lost…and found…in the simplicity of that connection.
A singularity where all comes together in that one instant of time, to touch that perfection.
We finally released each other, very reluctantly, after what seemed like forever, and searched for a way to be together again.
And the universe opened and showed us a way…she would be back in two weeks.
I left. I smiled inside and out, my jaw hurting like crazy…by a pain I did not want to stop.
Two weeks?…14 days? Could I wait that long.
This is only day three…and look at what I have written.
Even my heart is beginning to ache…but it too is a pain I would gladly endure forever.
But above all that, is the one thing that is there above all else.
I ‘knew’, even before a word had been spoken…a calm ‘knowing’ that I was already there, a connection unlike any before.
Soul Mates? Or is that just the Universe opening a gate, to help us to walk through and find that truth within.
I’m reaching for the latch…hesitating…but I am lost already, and know it.
Smiling the smile of the heart, I follow my path…touching that place within us all, with a love like no other to guide us truly.

***Footnote: Well, a little time has now passed since I wrote the above, spirit had asked me to ‘delay’ putting it up. And I realise why now. I’ve had time to digest something that still leaves me amazed at this connection. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The lady in question is going through a very difficult time in her life so is in no space to be wanting a relationship at the moment.
So, what does that mean…well, I do now realise, because of the previous relationship that I was in, that if it didn’t ‘connect’ with the incredible power that it did, I may not have told myself ‘it is time to move on’, and wanted to. It isn’t until we are faced with these issues that we really look within and make those decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I have been quite happy in going where I have gone in life, but I think it may be time to ‘change’ my direction, hence the ‘contact’ with another beautiful soul.
But beyond that…I was allowed to touch something…feel and see something that is within us all. And I smile all the more inside for the ‘knowing’ of that beauty, and what is gently waiting as we step past our fears, and open truly to a whole new way of being 🙂

Seeking Love!

In all that we do in our lives, the largest most meaningful act that we do…is to seek love. It is the one thing that drives us, above all else…to find a love that will complete us, give us that happiness we so desperately search for, and a smile that goes on forever!

But each time we think we’ve found it, through those rose coloured glasses (initially) that block out those bits that may seem a little rough around the edges, it slowly resolves to its truth. Those once overlooked parts slowly creep out of the closet along with a dose of reality that make us take a step back to figure out just where we are in this maze of feelings.

And each time it slowly pushes a button, which we ignore for a while but slowly it becomes three feet across and weighs a ton. Try doing that up on your jacket with a one inch hole.

So what does this all mean, this never ending search for someone ‘out there’ who will fulfill this lifelong attempt to find this place that is supposed to be the nadir, the elixir of eternal happiness.

Each time we ‘find’ that special someone we do go through that ‘rose coloured glasses’ period for a reason. It will show us, and hold us, in a very beautiful connection of love. Move the earth, walk on water and a happiness like no other. It is teaching us this love so that we understand that ‘oh so beautiful feeling’, and what is possible in this incredible journey that we are on.

But the button bit also has a purpose. The pain that slowly rises up among this blissful place asks us to look within. Yes, in the early relationships we always point the finger at the other party and know by how we are being treated that this is not love. And these things can test us like no other. A love that holds us there desperately wanting to be loved but constantly being pierced by this pain.

But this has purpose too. We don’t want to leave, but can’t stay either. This, push me pull you, constantly waging a war of attrition trying to find a way through. And as each battle is raged we look for a way out, to repair or finally give up the ghost on something that has so much meaning for us. Yes, we are afraid, petrified of losing the beauty that has so much meaning for us…because within that is the one thing that drives our hearts like no other. But it also has the other thing that tears it apart as well…fear!

And that fear touches a pain from our childhood, a feeling of rejection, a hurt that at that age leaves a very big mark in our lives. And the ones we love with an open heart later in life, also touch these places, and the feeling is so raw and painful. It is this that shows us our journey, to look within and find what that pain means within us.

It will hide deeply because we’ve had a lifetime of burying it, hiding it and avoiding anything that brings that pain to the surface. But it is only by looking within, seeing it in its true light, that we can finally understand what it was that we felt was so painful, and let it go in that understanding.

And then we are free…free to love ourselves, forgive others and move past those bars that kept us viewing life from a distance. It truly does show us within that we ‘do matter’, and very much so. It shows us, in understanding our fear, how to love ourselves.

When I finally found it I was in shock because even for someone with my awareness, I had hidden it, disguised it, and gave this mask to myself and out into the world. And in that understanding I was free, and I don’t mean just free to do whatever I wished….this freedom is like nothing else, because you see, my fear had bound me in everything I did, it was a part of every breathing moment in all that I was. It’s like wearing a helmet 24 hours a day, you slowly get used to it and it becomes second nature, but you can’t see properly, you can’t do things because it confines your natural movement, it weighs you down in all that you do. But when I truly ‘saw’ what it was…I broke into tears and a weight like no other left me, I literally floated for weeks after it.

And because it was gone, I viewed everything from a complete new way…and the incredible part was…I was no longer guided by this fear…I no longer needed to be guided, I could now choose my path, where before it was chosen by the fear.

AND, the part that has totally blown me away…I no longer ‘need’ to find that love ‘out there’. Yes, I would like to share my love with someone, but it is no longer driven by that ‘need’ that had always been there, ever driving me to find that love and happiness for myself within another. I can now see that it was all a projection, I was always sending my fear ‘out there’ and attracting accordingly so that I ‘can’ deal with my fear, understand and release it, to find that freedom and love within.

It is a very strange place, because of that lifetime of always seeking love with that weight on our shoulders, things all take on a new light. I can now truly see so many things that before were blindfolded to me because of my fear. I now have ‘time’, and lots of it. The urge to do something or be something is gone, it no longer matters. I matter, as another beautiful blogger, maryrose, has given me the key many, many times in her beautiful replies. And while ever ‘I matter’ and I learn that loving myself is the key, then that is what I will always attract into my life as a natural course, just as the sun rises and sets every day, displaying a unique and beautiful sight each time in its journey.

It isn’t easy to seek our love, that is why it has so much impact in our lives. But in finding it, it will leave a mark like nothing else ever will…a love that will never be blocked out by life again because we have loved ourselves to find it…and a love like no other…that IS unconditional love.

May you be the love that you seek.

Namaste

Self Love!

It takes a big event in our lives to reach that place within where we finally stop, and sometimes after a very long time of persevering with something…a marriage, relationships with friends or family, a personal situation or even at work, and come to that place where we can see that enough is enough.

It is a very pivotal moment. It draws the fears to the surface but now instead of recoiling and trying to shove it down so it can no longer be seen as we usually do, we finally reach a place that we no longer wish to fight this any more and so we step through it. And it will push buttons that you have never tested before, a strange world where you stand up inside and take those first tentative, wobbly steps to reclaim a sense of self and a realisation that ‘I am worth so much more than this’.

And finally, in that realisation you will achieve something that a lifetime had not. The ability to give within…to give that self love from a truthful place and realise you ARE worth so much more.

So starts the journey to stand in that truth and become what this path seeks, the creation of a love that builds an understanding of love inside, but all starting from a place of fear so that we can see and appreciate what it has taken to find that place within. Both have much purpose, as one cannot be achieved without the other. Hard yes, but if it was easy it would be forgotten in a moment.

That relationship you have persevered with has given you the one thing that you have been seeking all your life…to find that self love and the true happiness that it holds.

Lets say your going through a divorce. And your ex-partner was to find another partner who makes them feel all happy, alive and excited with life…inside they will still be seeking their self love in that need to be with another…based on their fears. That happiness they seek can only be found in that self realisation. If you have found the reason that drove your fears within that relationship, you can now release them but not through anger or hurt, but from a place of understanding as you will now realise ‘why’ you were attracted to that relationship. This will allow you to forgive them (and yourself), now in your self realisation of what you have now understood…as they may not have found the beauty of what you have now become, and still looking to fill the pain and loss in their hearts.

This may take several relationships to ‘see’ that you seem to be hitting the same snags in your relationships, going through the same patterns, but this has purpose so that you ‘can’ see what is holding you back, the fear that will be underneath all your actions and keep you travelling that journey. Until finally it all comes to the surface and it cannot be hidden any longer. This is your moment, your chance to release something that has held you forever in a half truth of life, a place that had happiness but always marred by this thing that would pounce to always let you know that it was still a part of who you are.

And as that uproar settles you are now free to truly look inside and understand that the more you act in that self love, and I mean that with integrity and not a selfish way, your life will now slowly find a happiness, a true happiness where you no longer seek another based on those earlier fears of ‘not being loved or insecurity’ because you have now found that within yourself, the entire purpose of your journey.

Self love is an ability to truly look inside and realise what those fears were, and see how they have driven your life in so many ways and held you in those patterns. To face them IS self love for you will give to yourself something worth more than any other thing in this world. It is a freedom that is unbelievable when you finally step past it and feel that freedom for the first time, and in doing so you realise just how constrained you have been in all of your life. That fear constantly held ‘out of sight, out of mind’, not realising just how conformed you have become to living with it riding on your shoulders.

And as time slowly goes by you become more relaxed, more ‘seeing’ the world from a whole new perspective as you are no longer ‘on guard’ for the fear that was always there as you went about your life. This freedom begins to rebuild what you ‘want’ to be, rather than feeling ‘forced’ to be something by the world around you. A happier place where even if anything comes up in your life, your ability to cope is more at ease, relaxed and understanding….because you have been there, have much wisdom because of that journey and can now help others from now being in that place…and glad to do so.

The anger and pain that usually comes with these events are a part of being able to ‘let go’ from the loss of the security and love that we feel we are losing. And usually because it feels like a total rejection of who and what we are, and a very painful experience that hurts because we feel so unloved…and that is the key…it is a fear that is built on our own self worth. Our own inability for self love. And this is built from childhood and the relationships we have with (usually), our parents and how they were able to express the love that THEY were shown by their parents….and on and on it goes. We are always trying to find what we feel we haven’t got. And we feel we haven’t got that love, and the happiness within that, so we try to find that love in others…but it is in our self love that the answer is hidden.

We have been through a childhood where we have felt either a rejection of love, a hurt or a denial by someone we loved and looked up to. And in that is built our self worth. Are we loveable or not? That self worth takes a battering at this time and we spend the rest of our lives trying to rebuilt that feeling of love and connection with another, to rebuilt that loss we hold forever in our hearts as a consequence of this hurt, and to find that happiness again that has so much meaning within it. But when each time we are with another and they do something that gives us that feeling of rejection again, it re-ignites that fear and we jump straight back behind those emotional walls to keep that pain out.

Holding onto the pain and fear will only hold us in that pattern. We must look within it to find why it makes us feel this way…deeper in your heart to find what you are afraid of, and seek its meaning. In that you disarm it, realise the truth behind your fear…AND LET IT GO.

In total truth the above journeys do have great meaning…those relationships that seem to be a horror at the time ARE done from a place of great love, so that we DO find that self love within. Those instances where the world seems to be crumbling around us DO allow us to eventually come to that place within, and in doing so we heal that hole that always seems to be in our lives, and completes us in such a way that we ‘let go’ and no longer hold onto so many things that in the end, have no meaning or worth and opens us back up to that love and eventually give back out what we have now become.

Because I have been on this journey from a healer’s perspective and actively searched for meaning within my journey, spirit has shown me a great deal of understanding as I step through my fears and see those fears within others. We all must go through them to find that self love within, and gradually we are shown where the love really is…inside us, not ‘out there’. And in that realisation we finally see that all the stress and pain in our lives are all built upon the foundation of our fears that we have held in place since childhood. It is our path…a painful one but with an outcome that will far outshine all that went before.

Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves. If we didn’t we would always be wandering around pointing the finger at the world for the pain that we are in. If you look around you will see this, but eventually they begin to realise that they are changing, and in that change they find a new heart, a new direction and a peace that goes with that understanding. There is a silver lining to all events, it is made that way even though at times it may not feel like it, and slowly we are guided to find that truth within.

This world has many things for us all…much beauty AND much fear, so that we can become what we all truly seek. It is a balance where we will attract exactly what we need to find that beautiful heart within and finally understand the love that we are.

Where is your heart now?

Look inside, find that self love…your happiness is there…that unconditional love that is who you are…you are so worth it!

Curtain Call!

I have just read a great piece, En garde by candidkay, about our journey through our relationships and the choices we make in trying to come to terms with the decisions we have made in our life. Stay or not stay, go and live in the unknown or stay and put up with…um, something that is not so bad…I think.

These can be one of the most difficult things to admit to…let alone face. And even if we do the dreaded question comes up about our self worth. ‘Can I do this’ and ‘maybe I deserve this’ and our fears running backwards and forwards arguing relentlessly for a reprieve.

But it is part of the magic, to realise ourselves and begin that trek one step at a time to find that beauty that is inside us all. Bring out that confidence that IS in there, but only seems to peek from behind the curtain occasionally.

It is in finding that truth within that finally brings forth a new found confidence, and more than that, a beginning of understanding that in doing so you are starting a love affair with the one person in the world that means the most. You!

When you finally understand that, you begin to build within that confidence and courage because you are worth all that, and more. And as you step into that truth within, you begin to give out that confidence and love that you are beginning to build…AND…begin to attract that same energy because that is how it all works.

Give with an integrity and truth and that is what you attract right back.

The universe, in this, can be seen in its workings by what you are attracting. With great love it gives you exactly what is needed so that you may go past your fears and that unloving that you give yourself, until eventually you begin to see the journey IS all about you, and what you require to find that beauty within.

Once that understanding is reached everything begins to change, you realise self is very important in your journey and slowly you begin a path that will be outside what the world thinks is normal, but inside you will see and feel the change and the truth of what you have been through and what you now wish to become.

And the smiles begin, because you have seen and felt what it took to get here…and your self worth is slowly taking this worlds last curtain call for the last time, and beginning a new call for you.
Mark

First Love!

I was just minding my own business, I think
Not concentrating on anything in particular
One of those idle moments when you’re just absorbed in yourself
Off guard, defence’s down, not expecting…anything
And I think that is the secret to this time
The shock of so many things coming together
All in a heartbeat, the twinkle of an eye
The possibility, synchronicities…even the sheer magnitude
Of something coming together in the universe of this scope
Is un-bloody-believable
But there she stood, not spoken or even moved
Just the sheer energy that she gave out left me speechless
Mind you, that is a miracle in itself
And then, as if she knew what was in my DNA, she smiled
I was lost until then, but now really entered somewhere untouched
Thoughts that hadn’t been engaged for…what seemed like ever
Scrambled to make sense of what that smile did within
And then I couldn’t help myself, I smiled back
It felt strange…those particular muscles also haven’t been used forever
But I didn’t care, I felt nothing but the sparkle in her eye
And then she was gone, leaving me gasping for air
Mind altered, perceptions in affray, dopamine charged to high
I was lost again, but this was so much deeper, I almost cried out
But she then returned, and this time she opened her heart and spoke
“Hi!” and smiled THAT smile again
I said, “Hello!” and her smile got brighter
And I knew right then, she was the one, without her I would die.

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Note*
I saw some magic in another’s eye, brought back memories.
Thankfully much wisdom has been gained for a more true love by being loving to myself, and then give from there.
And they are all First Love’s as we are always in a more wiser and loving place each time we step past those fears and open our hearts again.
Am I ready? 🙂

Emotional Intimacy!

Ok, I’m now going to explain to you something that we all tend to unintentionally avoid. A little thing you can do to change that ‘who you are within’, and create a space that in most peoples lives has been missing due to the rush, rush of life. Or as most people come to realise, the person that they are with, or even themselves, have been raised in a way or been through something that takes this part of their lives away and is replaced with a wall to stop the fear or pain of being hurt or rejected. Or even do not understand its meaning due to never being shown how to express themselves in this way.

Now I’m going to ask you to do something very simple (and to those that know how to…ask yourself, ‘do you really’). I want you to steal 30 minutes from your hectic life, grab your partner and go lay down together (and I mean together, not you on the lounge and your partner on the floor, I want contact here) somewhere comfortable. Bed, lounge, hammock or just out on the grass somewhere (which is so much more grounding and will connect you much closer). And fully clothed thank you!!!

Now I want you to do the unthinkable…I want you to just hold and cuddle each other for 10 minutes and DO NOT talk (especially about any problems, the days uproar, the kids or the stock market). Talking does need to be done BEFORE you get to this position as it will remove any stress, tension or worry that is bothering you. Then you can lay down and not have this need to connect verbally, which is a bonding in itself, but I need your undivided attention on you and your partner and not a mind scrambling trying to sort out a problem.

At the 10 minute mark there should be this thing called ‘relaxation’. But more than that, you have now (and especially if you haven’t done this for a long time), just re-inserted yourselves into each others most intimate zone. (Yes, I probably could have worded that a little better). That connection is something that life tends to keep you ‘on guard’ for, and only a select few are allowed in that place. But life and it’s ‘zoom, zoom’ gradually distracts us and we seem to get further and further from that place that if you really think about it, is so much more inviting than the stress of everyday life. It’s a balance so that life isn’t all work and no play.

Now here is the hard bit. I want you both to touch each other. And NO, I don’t mean sexually! As a matter of fact I want you to be emotionally intimate, not physically. Just very gently, as the urge takes you, I want you to just lightly brush or touch your partners back or neck or hair or whatever you feel is that connection that shows your partner that you are enjoying the energy that is going on between you. Now here is the even harder bit. It can be a very fine line between gently touching someone to express how you are feeling…and not become aroused by the sensation that is developing between you. As a matter of fact it is a very fine line and normally it would be a way of really connecting from there to a very physical encounter which is also fine. But I want you to be strong and resist that temptation.

Over that 30 minute period you may start or stop that touching and go through different feelings and sensations as you hold one another. But at the end you will realise you have gone somewhere very different to what you are used to. Many of us start off this way but eventually reach that point of wanting to do the ‘tango’ and share something on a physical level. And that is fine. But this level of emotional intimacy is something that many of us can find to be quite difficult, due to our upbringing, life as we have experienced it or even many of those fears that won’t allow us to ‘open’ and share at this level. And especially the men. And that is not meant as an insult guys, we are generally brought up to be hard and ‘get on with life and don’t sweat the small stuff’, so that this level of intimacy is very foreign. Whereas the ladies are brought up much more emotionally connected and can express it a little easier.

And that is why we are physically intimate because we don’t know how to, or don’t want to become emotionally intimate. And I do think the ladies miss this type of connection guys. When they want to be cuddled, it is for this intimacy, not the grope, grope, c’mon let’s go into the bedroom. Trust me, if you build this type of trust it will change that connection for you both. You might be pleasantly surprised 🙂

Be gentle with whoever your partner may be as we all have ‘bits’ tucked away inside us and they can be a difficult thing to broach. Take it slowly and at the end you will realise that you have connected on a much stronger level with someone because you have established a very real trust because you have allowed someone into that personal zone and allowed them to see and feel the heart within. For many it isn’t easy because the one thing that this connection does is bring their hearts up to the surface, and in doing so may bring with it the many emotions that are kept close to their hearts on a day to day basis. It can sometimes bring tears…and fears, because with great love you have shown that trust. It is not something given lightly so be gentle with the emotions that are being shared. It can be hard to do, but remember, this is all about breaking down those walls and helping each other to share something that has great meaning to you both.

And even for those that are single, we all need to share our emotional intimacy with those that are special to us, whether they be friends, family or sometimes even strangers. To share our innermost feeling with someone is a healing within itself. It brings a closeness that our hearts need to share occasionally so that the power of those words can help us clear and know that another is connecting with us. And I have seen such beautiful heart connections with so many people and their pets. Now that is unconditional love. I defy one of us to express ourselves so fully with a sloppy grin and a tail that wags forever 🙂

The heart has great power, but it also is built from the most beautiful, gentle things in our life. From giving a flower with love, to the smile of another. All of it has great meaning and touches us all in such profound ways. We must return to that place within to keep our balance, emotionally and physically or we allow the things of this world to keep us away from what has true meaning in this life.

Enjoy that connection, that touch of life that brings a smile within, and you will see you and your partner (furry or otherwise), connecting on a whole new level. Namaste

Traits of an Empath!

Reblogged from soulvisionhealing

Just an interesting list to ‘see’ what traits you may have. We all have the ability, and it can be more pronounced depending where you are at in your life!

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Traits of an Empath

Empaths as a rule are often highly misunderstood people who have the amazing yet intense ability to be able to sense emotions from; family, friends, animals and even complete strangers both in-person and from a distance. Empaths can also sense energy from possessions (such as photographs or someone’s ring) nature and also the earth’s magnetic fields. This is how more often than not and not unlike an animal can sense something coming, so to can the empath on many different levels.
Just so you are aware being an Empath is not the same as having empathy. We are all born with empathy and have the ability to empathize with another; Empaths have not only the ability to empathize with another, but also to understand another person’s entire emotional process which can bring clarity and wisdom to those who are drawn to them for help or healing in some way or another.

There are many as explained in a previous blog that believe the gift of being an Empath is a double edged sword, on one hand we could see it as such a gift to be able to help so many, but there are many without the tools and knowledge that also see it as a curse or even a mental illness.

Below you will find some of the traits of an Empath, each empath is individual but all empaths feel, so if you are an empath reading this blog it is more than likely that you will have a few aha moments when reading these or relate on some level within your own journey.
Traits of an Empath
The number one trait of an Empath in my book is their ability to sense emotions or feel the emotions of others. Whether they are close within a family circle or perfect strangers. It doesn’t matter if the empath is in the same room with the person or on the other side of the world they still have the ability to tune into said person’s energy much like one half of a twin.

It’s very important for an Empath to fully understand each of the human emotions since it’s sometimes necessary to distinguish between the emotions of themselves or another. Knowing where the emotion stems from helps us to control our feelings in a larger capacity, not over-react to them, and then set them free from our minds as quickly as possible.

Some of the many emotions each of us can portray at one time or another are – Affection, Anger, Angst, Anguish, Annoyance, Anxiety, Apathy, Arousal, Awe, Boredom, Confidence, Contempt, Contentment, Courage, Curiosity, Depression, Desire, Despair, Disappointment, Disgust, Distrust, Dread, Ecstasy, Embarrassment, Envy, Euphoria, Excitement, Fear, Frustration, Gratitude, Grief, Guilt, Happiness, Hatred, Hope, Horror, Hostility, Hurt, Hysteria, Indifference, Interest, Jealousy, Joy, Loathing, Loneliness, Love, Lust, Outrage, Panic, Passion, Pity, Pleasure, Pride, Rage, Regret, Relief, Remorse, Sadness, Satisfaction, Self-confidence, Shame Shock, Shyness Sorrow, Suffering, Surprise, Terror, Trust, Wonder, Worry, Zeal, and Zest.

For an empath the awareness of their own emotions and others, as well as the release of that which is not there’s is extremely pertinent to leading a happy, balanced and healthy lifestyle.

1. Just knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told and seemingly out of nowhere. It’s a depth of knowing that goes way beyond a gut feeling, even though it could easily be described that way. The more finely attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

2. You can tell when you are being told a lie almost immediately: If a family member or a close friend is telling you lies you just know it (although a lot of empaths try not to focus too much on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be a painful thing to learn). Or maybe you are in the situation of someone saying one thing but thinking/feeling something completely different, you just know.

3. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like supermarkets, stadiums, concerts, malls, fairgrounds, the movies, any where there are loads of people around, can fill the empath with an overwhelming sense of emotions coming at them from all directions and without room to breathe to even focus on trying to work out one emotion from another.

4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragic events on the TV is almost unbearable: The more attuned and knowledgeable of their gift an empath becomes the worse it is under these circumstances and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching the news, news updates and or reading newspapers, current events, violent films altogether.

5. Constant fatigue or lacking in energy: Empaths often get extremely drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others within a day/week etc, which even sleep will not help or cure. Many get diagnosed with a form of chronic fatigue syndrome.

6. Taking on physical symptoms of another: An empath will almost always develop the ailments off another person (colds, infections, headaches, muscle strain, body aches and pains to name just a few) especially those they’re closest to, it’s sort of like going out in sympathy for another.

7. Creative expression: From singing (all types of genres), dancing, acting, creating all types of artwork from scrapbooking to painting or writing an empath will have a very strong creative streak and a sometimes wildly vivid imagination.

8. Always looking out for others: Anyone whose suffering, in need of a lift, in emotional pain or being bullied in any form draws an empath’s attention and compassion almost immediately, they simply can’t help themselves when they see or feel someone in need.

9. The ever present counsellor to the masses: An empath can become somewhat of a dumping ground for everyone else’s problems friends, family and even strangers dramas and issues which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own. Self care is VERY important in this trait.

10. A cluttered environment: This is something every empath struggles with at some point or another, whether it be in their own home/workplace or others, it makes an empath feel completely weighed down and blocks the flow of energy, leaving the empath feeling heavy and lacking motivation.

11. Addictive personality: Shopping, alcohol, food, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others, or to what i call band aiding the real issues, burying them deep inside with a big old bandaid over the top to try and forget about them. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.

12. Drawn to healing in all it’s forms, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical/spiritual: Although many empaths have the natural healing ability within them already and would love nothing more than to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers, after they’ve studied and qualified or been certified in some way, because when they start using their new found healing or channeling abilities they take on far too much from the one/one’s they are trying to heal or channel healing too. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of great interest to empaths and they don’t get shocked or surprised very easily.

13. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the powerhouse of all our emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, whether that be human or spirit, which can weaken the area if not looked after, protected and can eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS and the list goes on and on. Lower back problems (amongst other things) are a big one for an empath, especially the empath that is unaware of the strong need for balance. This back pain is due to being ungrounded which empaths often are.

14. Love of anything related to nature or animals: Being outdoors in the fresh air and within nature is a must for empaths and providing themselves balance. Due to the energy of others empaths tend to lock themselves away to protect themselves, nature is an important part of creating balance for the empath and pets are an essential part of their life. Pets show such unconditional love and for an empath that is so important to have, animals are very giving and that’s a nice balance again for the empath that likes to continually give.

15. The need for solitude: An empath will get aggravated if they don’t get their quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children. Empaths need that space to recoup from others energies, to bring balance to themselves and to just be in their OWN energy for a change.

16. Finds routine, rules or control claustrophobic and will fight against it: Anything that takes away an empath’s sense of freedom is extremely debilitating and can even have a poisoning effect to the moods of the imprisoned empath.

17. Finds it hard to continue or do things that don’t amuse them or fulfill enjoyment: It almost feels like they are living a lie by continuing something they don’t enjoy. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or calling them lazy will only serve in making them unhappy. It doesn’t feel right to an empath to do something that doesn’t contain some passion or enjoyment for them.

18. Is constantly searching for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and has a strong identification with their empathic self. Anything untruthful feels just plain wrong to them.

19. Always looking for the answers and the knowledge to back it: To have unanswered questions can be extremely frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation as quickly as possible. If they have a knowing or even a small amount of knowledge about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload and the possibility of endless hours of research if to do nothing else but obtain peace of mind that they have found the information.

20. Likes the thought of travel, adventure and the freedom of large spaces: Empaths are definitely free spirits.

21. Gets easily distracted or bored quickly if not stimulated: School, work and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath (a good place to help empathic children get creative to spur their imagination and keep things alive and stimulating for them) or they just switch off from it and end up steering off into space or doodling to keep themselves occupied.

22. Lover of daydreaming: An empath can stare into space for hours over the smallest thought or picture they have created in their minds, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

23. Can sense the energy of the food they eat: Many empaths don’t like to eat meat red or white and some even fish products because they can feel the vibrations or the energy of the animal (especially if the animal suffered in their lives or even in death), even if they like or love the taste. To feel the energy of the animal suffering, can make the finely attuned empath ill after eating.

24. Has an intolerance to narcissism of any kind: Although kind, caring and compassionate and often more than tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people for very long, especially those who put themselves first and refuse to consider anyone else’s feelings or points of view other than their own. The more attuned empath will distance themselves further and further from a narcissist as they begin to realise they cannot help those who won’t help themselves.

Note to the empath – How can you tell when you are in the presence of a Narcissistic person who is an energy vampire:
All that you say and do is never good enough
Everything you say is spun around and turned against you
That gut feeling or natural instinct you have is sending up red flags or alarm bells non-stop
Nothing you do will ever please these people
You’re constantly made to feel beneath them or made to feel in-superior around them
You never feel heard, listened too or even validated
You speak your truth in love, they show sympathy and then moments later attack you for it
Every time you gently criticize their actions, your words are used against you to make you feel bad
Nothing you say or do to please them will make them like you or love you anymore or as equally as you love them.
They will use past situations and your insecurities against you whenever they feel like it and sometimes for no reason at all
You may feel trapped into an argument that has no resolution and that you didn’t cause nor want to be involved in from the start
It’s always your fault or the blame is always on you no matter what
You will be criticized and made to feel bad for sharing how well you might be doing in your life. That is seen as a slap in the face towards them and how they are doing.
When you finally do stand up for yourself they are sorry, then five minutes later or the next day attack again.
They constantly wear a mask and put on their best face to others, all the while you know exactly what’s coming next, what’s brewing inside and how that may affect you.

All of the above points (plus many more) you could possibly suffer from while being around these types of people, it generally will never change. They will sense your caring, giving heart coming a mile away, and will undoubtedly abuse you and use you much like a neverending drug. These types of people are known to say things like; “I can’t do without my (your name) fix”, or “I can’t do this without you” which is more often than not a tell sign that if you leave them or choose not to help them, that they will do everything in their power to; keep you hooked within their reach, making you feel small, unwanted, not very good for much else other than helping them and then ashamed for leaving them.
This is where you need to set loving boundaries and if that is not an option or does not work,
detach with love and RUN!

25. The ability to literally feel what day of the week it is: An empath will get that “Thank goodness it’s Friday Feeling’ whether they work Fridays or not. An empath picks up on how the collective are feeling in the moment. A long weekend to an empath feels like bliss around the world, like the world is quite literally smiling, calm, happy and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays however tell a different story, with a heaviness and dread behind them.

26. Excellent listeners, people often vent to empaths: An empath generally struggles to talk about themselves much, unless it’s to someone they really love and trust. They love to put their energy into learning about others and holding compassion and care around other’s journeys in the most sincere and authentic way.

27. Can often appear moody, shy or disconnected to others: Depending on how an empath is feeling inside will depend on what mask they wear or what they will show of themselves to the world. They can be prone to mood swings that can often spiral out of control, much like four seasons in one day and if they’ve taken on too much negative energy they can appear very quiet, withdrawn, unsociable and even miserable within themselves. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when inside they are sad, this only adds to their energy load. That ever loved catch phrase used especially in retail of the customers are always right and service with a smile can make life really hard for the empath when all they want to do is challenge the customer that is wrong and not smile when they don’t feel it.

28. Will not choose to buy second hand anything or antiques: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner, so you won’t find many empaths garage saleing especially if they are finely attuned. An empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house if it’s financially possible, with no residual energy of previous tenants or occupants. Unless they have the tools of clearing the house, things that they live in, use or wear.

29. Prone to carrying excess weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight gain is more often than not a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact. If an empath is in a toxic environment or around toxic people, more often than not the area around their solar plexus chakra will expand. the moment the energy changes in the environment to a light one and happiness is in abundance, the weight seems to disappear.

30. Greatly affected by the Psychic Vampire: Whatever the type of person, the pay attention to me, poor me, sitting on the pity pot, the talker, the friend greedy for your time or the biggy the drama queen. Empath’s tend to struggle in this area because they are so used to helping and giving, It’s important for the empath to create strong, firm but loving boundaries around their friends, family and even strangers.

31. Rough sports or violent activities can deeply affect an empath: For many female Empaths, the idea of watching violent sports such as boxing, rugby, football etc puts them off just as much as; newspapers, tv and horror/thriller movies. Just like some men, they don’t see the need for violence in any form as a whole, and often feel compelled to speak up against it.

32. Feel compelled to tell it like you see it: Empaths aren’t a fan of negativity, feeling hurtful or nasty emotions from people, so more often than not struggle to lie at any cost, since lying in itself takes a very negative thought process to begin with. That being said, Empaths can sometimes get into trouble for speaking the truth all the time. How many of you have gotten into trouble for speaking your mind and then standing behind your truth? (unfortunately not everyone can handle the truth, in whatever form it comes to them). Empaths tell the truth because it feels good to be honest, rather than to just pretend it doesn’t exist.

If you can relate or have said yes to most of or all of the above then you are most definitely an empath.

Change!

It’s time. This battle has been very big. The tide has turned, and I must go with it, face it, as the battle against the flow becomes too tiring. It is a journey we all must make. As each cycle in our lives takes us through so many things to create a more wiser, loving and stronger person within.

But in that cycle we become entrenched in our safety, our knowingness, even our routines that in themselves give comfort. But as each cycle is concluded we don’t want to release all that we hold, for it has been a big journey and we have gained much from it. And that is the point. We have learned much, and understood it. And we won’t go willingly because of that. But the universe needs us on another course, another journey to take our wisdom to, and guide us in our quest for that unconditional love within.

Things start to ‘fall apart’, our lives begin to wobble. The unmistakeable feeling of the build up of stress due to these changes are taking their toll and we begin to react in a way that only weeks before was unheard of. Responses from people around us goes into new territory, even close people, and our confusion becomes staggered as we deal with the many things on the radar.

Things that we felt WERE our security have changed. Lost jobs, lost finance, even lost relationships are all around. When everything seemed to be fine. The change, in hindsight, will be seen many months or even years ago. It is a gradual thing, though at the time felt like an avalanche. The universe is being gentle, but we hold on so tightly that what follows feels like a skydive. Everything rushing up to meet you.

Well, my friends, I am releasing the reins of this change and going with the flow. I had thought I was being pro-change by moving house and stepping into what I thought was my new direction. Little did I know. I have been tested from the core of my being. My belief in self, and giving from that core belief in what I thought was who I was within, has taken a hit. I gave from such a place of total acceptance, of that belief, only to have it thrown back in my face.

It stung, and very badly. It brought up much from the past and it was time to look within and understand why my reaction to this was so intense. After much soul searching it raised it’s head, and the mask that I had in place over it. We always wear masks when dealing with other people. Be tough around stronger people, gentle with not so strong. Even a different mask for those close to us. The real us only seems to be with those we are closest to. But in this case, and something we all do, I had hidden my truth from me.

I was giving from such a place that I thought was a genuine understanding of unconditional love…no expectations! Was I wrong. When a previous relationship had ended, it felt really bad, and I put this down to the obvious feelings of rejection, loss of that love etc, etc. And I did feel those things, even though they were quite tempered by what spirit had explained to me about that particular relationship. But when this new event occurred, it really stung AND brought back up all those previous feelings from before. I needed to go inside big time and search for an understanding of why I was feeling this way.

And it was a sneaky little thing. I kept re-adjusting the mask. Gave myself excuses for doing this or that. But I forced myself to come back to that original feeling of being so upset by their actions. And then it hit me. I WAS having expectations from all that I do. And I don’t mean I wanted bits and pieces…I WANTED to be accepted for what I was doing….my FEAR was in NOT being accepted…which all came back to my childhood years of feeling rejected by my dad. My thinking that if I did this or that…he would accept me for who I was. And here I was nearly 50 years later still in that time warp. The fact that my whole existence is given from a place of truth has suddenly been thrown out the door. I had been living a lie. Making out something that I was not.

It has rocked me totally. It may not have been intentional, but I believed in what ‘I’ was doing, and to realise it was done from this place of fear leaves a very sour taste. For me to understand that ‘I’ was lying to me, through my fear, really gives a feeling I’ve let myself down, let alone the others I treat. I know it has purpose, and like all else that we do, we put ourselves in these positions so that a healing can take place. And create a more truthful, loving and giving individual within.

Truth can be quite painful within, but I do know it brings a more open and understanding soul who can now be more empathic to others because of it. Time will tell if I have healed with no more masks on my path. Facing a truth of that magnitude has shaken what I thought I was within, lowered my confidence and taken some of the wind out of my sails. It makes you question yourself and try to understand what it means. In that journey I hope the unconditional love that I know is there in my heart, is no longer shaded by a fear.

I have been a little quiet, and I think I have a little more time to adjust to what I have learnt. For the wisdom that has slowly been reached also has purpose for my new direction. But for now I feel very drained and tired from going through this event. A part of this journey is to allow ourselves to heal, give ourselves time to adjust to a new understanding and become that new truth that we have discovered. It is only in denying this that reinforces the fear that kept it in place originally.

May your changes bring you closer to that unconditional love.

Namaste