After my previous post (Truth from an unexpected place!), with regard to a gentleman who had an Out of Body Experience (O.B.E.), I had a conversation with a friend (yes, Tammy), who suggested I should put MY experience into a post so that others may gain from the experience. Now my experience was quite different. Yes, it was an O.B.E. but not what you would call ‘in the classic sense’ of one where you are usually floating above your body and looking down on it and your surroundings. Mind you, others may have experienced what I did, I just haven’t come across one yet and have no idea what to call it. Let’s just say it was a ‘Shift’ for want of a better description.
It was in my early days of ‘spirituality’ and trying to find me. I was doing the meditations and had begun my Massage Therapy Course so I was just touching base with what I wanted to become, and reading books from all over the place to learn and explore other experience’s so that I may understand what it all meant. I suppose spirit knew I was ready for something that, even to this day, still gives me such a feeling of awe and majesty in just what is ‘there’ for us to be a part of.
A young lady (I’ll call her Sue), had joined the meditation group and after getting to know her over a few weeks we would spend some time going for walks and speaking about our journeys and what we had got from the meditations and just swapped information that we had learned from them. In the short time that I had known her she seemed a lovely young lady, knew her mind and the direction she wanted out of life. She also had what appeared to be a ‘depression’ that she was dealing with because of a breakdown in her relationship and was on some medication to help her through this time.
Now, over the course of those few weeks I did note that occasionally Sue would become quite angry and unhappy with the circumstances that she found herself in, and I would talk with her to help her understand and deal with her emotions and try to resolve how she was feeling. By the end of those weeks I saw that she was becoming quite agitated, and under the circumstances I thought I understood her emotional journey.
It was then that a friend told me that they thought that she had a Bipolar disorder, and she had gone off her medication. Well, the only thing I knew about it was that it was a condition where your moods would alternate between being agitated and or elevated and that it wasn’t a very nice thing to have and it was a difficult thing to deal with at the best of times. And as time had gone past I was witnessing a deterioration within herself and how she coped with her day to day life and interacted with the people around her.
One afternoon we were having a discussion on the balcony of the place I was living in and Sue began a discourse on what she thought was the real problems that affected the world and her proposals to repair and heal the unfairness that was rife in the running of it. As the afternoon went on she started to really escalate and become angrier and angrier, and speaking more in terms that were becoming quite unrealistic, finally reaching a tearful stage into what I was now beginning to realise was a manic episode that is associated with this condition. I realised then how so unfair this condition was, the obvious pressure this had applied to her marriage and the current circumstances that she now found herself in. And all the while not being able to control it except for the medication that she had now stopped taking. My heart could feel her totally (and this ‘event’ showed me just how empathic I had become). I could feel her fear, her sorrow, her pain and the utter hopelessness she felt of the situation, and my whole being went out to her and just ‘gave from the heart’ all in an instant. It was an incredible feeling, an outpouring of pure love.
And then suddenly everything changed. And I mean everything. I was not sitting on my lounge looking out onto the balcony where she was sitting. I could not actually feel my ‘physicality’ on the lounge or in regard to anything around me. But the overriding thing about ‘me’ was that I now ‘knew’ everything. I did not have to ask, it was ‘just’ there, everything, all. Everything ‘was’ me. And there was ‘no time’. It did not exist. Time did not belong where I ‘was’. Everything was at my behest. But I did not need to even ‘want’ anything. There was no need or requirement or thought that I required anything. It was a total perfection as it was. It was the most all encompassing and total feeling of ‘I am’. I can barely describe it to give it any justice. In this place I was a total of everything that ever was, will be, all at once. I could see all around me but there was no need to ‘look’ at anything because I already knew it. But even so, all that I could ‘see’ was an olive green color. I never questioned it at the time because there was no need, but I think in hindsight that it was because of what I had become, that was the only way I could ‘view’ anything was because I was ‘seeing’ things through my senses, not my actual eyes.
My awareness had been raised to such an incredible level. I, with my brain and thought patterns, can barely grasp it now. It was the most all encompassing totality of everything. But this much I do know. I was given the most barest touch of what WAS actually there. I knew I didn’t have the ‘senses’ to understand the depth and vista of what actually was there. My mind would not have been able to absorb what incredible information was around me and I would have gone over the edge. I was being shown something so magnificent so that I could give from a place of understanding in what I now knew. It was the beginning of my connection within of my ‘knowing’ and bringing that understanding into my healing for myself and others. It was also a very important part of my truth, so that in feeling that I could give from that place.
And then I came back to sitting on the lounge, facing out to the balcony. Only this time Sue was walking back through the doorway saying that she was going home. I had no idea how long I was there. There was no way of understanding if it was 1 second, 100 or even an hour. It felt like it was but an instant, but it didn’t matter. But the one thing that I did know was I was as high as a kite. I was floating and feeling so light that whatever I touched was not registering properly. My perception of everything around me was totally out of synch. I could barely move to start with as it felt like my first time in a body. I was all over the place and didn’t dare try to get up or walk. I felt that I maybe I had projected myself or astral travelled for the first time and because I hadn’t done this before, it was taking a bit to get used to, to settle back into my body.
I was so relaxed and in such a state of peace that I deliberately let myself go back into what I had just felt and slowly went back over all that had happened. Absorbed this incredibly wonderful place so that I could savour it forever. Finally my awareness was bringing me back and I was balancing back into my body, so I slowly got up and ‘tried’ to walk and all those other things that a normal body takes for granted. It took quite some time (hours), to just walk properly. It felt like I’d been in traction for months and was taking my first steps. It wasn’t until then that I even registered that Sue had actually left.
After a good nights sleep (and believe me I crashed), I slowly got up, and yes, I was still quite out of sorts. My actions were quite slow and deliberate and I also found my state of mind was still in that ‘high’ of the day before. This went on for the next two weeks. The body slowly got back to working at nearly my normal pace, but the mind wasn’t going there. I realised I needed to ground myself or I couldn’t function properly.
I went to a friend who is a Reiki Master and told her the story and asked if she could bring me back and ground me so that I could bring what I had learned down into the ‘now’. It worked quite well and I could function much better after it, but I did realise that regardless of what I did, it had changed me forever, and I needed to begin my journey of what changes the ‘event’ had now created within me.
I now understand and realise that this ‘event’ was a forerunner to my path of spiritual healing and the understanding of bringing the ‘love within’ back into my day to day life. The healing of the heart within is just as much a spiritual as well as a physical healing of us in this world that we live in. It has it’s trials and tribulations so that we may understand our journey, but it is in the end, where many do not understand, that it is in loving ourselves that we are able to heal and finally create that beautiful place within, that unconditional love that no longer fears this world, and then begins to give from that place within.
With Love, Light and Blessings,
Mark
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Healing Your Heart From Within 