Tag Archives: Beauty

The Waters of Life!

Life and all its hardships, the rivers we do dare
Traveling dangerous waters, captaining its glare
The mastering of the winds, the swells of our pride
The holding of our tiller, for there is nowhere else to hide
But if I could but show, the beauty that dwells within
The reality in this path, built from where we’ve been
We see so much in our wake, but only through our fear
All the while on lookout, glancing to the rear
So grab that tiller firmer, know through this gale we go
That the sails of this journey, need this truth to blow
Find the hearts compass, point it as a guide
Hold it with gratitude, for in there you know you’ve tried
So seek out all your glory, venture to every port above
For within that travel far and wide, is a journey full of love

Happy New Year everyone, may it be full of adventure, beautiful waters and much love! โค

Mark

Joy…is it a myth?

This post is triggered by a friend, Leigh, who was wondering out loud in her post, ‘Joy, what is it?’ , and its part in her life. So I thought I would pass on what I personally found, and maybe it will help or give an understanding in something that we all ask at times in our lives.

In my own journey I felt a joy from what I was taught…lets say it was my birthday (as a child) was coming up, so I would get all excited and happy leading up to it. And children are much more unconditional until ‘life’ gets in the way. So it was my environment guided me in many things like this, from what I was shown and experienced as I grew up.

But the one thing that never seemed to be satisfied, was this ‘something’ that I never seemed to reach, a place where everyone said I would be happy when I reached it, but in finding this ‘so called’ nirvana, it left a lingering hollow that just didn’t touch what I thought would be ‘joy’. A career, home, partner, children and so on would bring it into my life, but never a lasting one to make you feel you had found ‘it’, that place we all search for.

Until I did ‘touch’ it, after picking myself up off the floor in a crying heap as I finally ‘saw’ what was truly holding me back. After a divorce, severe anxiety, loss of family and friends…I finally dared to look within and ask that question…’is this it down here, a life of misery and pain?’, as my fear dragged me kicking and screaming into changing what I had re-inforced my whole life up till that point.

Through my life I saw one thing, and one thing only…as a child it was my reaction to (I felt), was my dad treating me in such a way that I felt he didn’t love me, and that I couldn’t handle it anymore…so I blocked him emotionally (I was a grand old age of about 7 or 8). And anyone else who said they loved me needed to then ‘be’ a certain way to prove themselves, and I would drown them in some artificial love (because it had conditions tied to it everywhere), by sending flowers, invite them out, do grand things for them…all built on my fear of not being loved, being rejected by those who I loved and looked up to. Of which I carried on into adult hood.

So began my journey to find ‘why’, and once I saw what it was….I finally let go something that had weighed a ton on my life up to that point, physically, emotionally and most certainly spiritually as I had blocked it with all my walls.

My point being, once that fear was finally understood, you let go, and I mean really let go of expectations (of you and others), wants, needs, judgement, and a million other things that we don’t realise we do in avoiding that fear. The world completely changed overnight…well, actually I did…and without that one constant of fear affecting everything that I did…I began to ‘see’…and I mean really ‘see’ what had always been there, but I was blinded by my walls.

Let me show you an example of how it happens….your boss asks you to do something for your work, it is going to take some serious effort to get done so it will take over your life while you finish it. It is done at work, at home, in the shower and even sidetracks you in your family life. When you finally come back up for air at the jobs end, half your life has passed you by. A child’s birthday missed, a presentation for a family member or even friends invites are ignored.

And that is what fear does, it blinds you to life, keeps you on-guard and sidetracked in so many ways. But when it is finally understood, it is YOUR jobs end. You will release it because it no longer has power over you. You…are…free.

And in that freedom is a relief, release and self love because of what you have endured to see it for what it is, and break free of that life of drudgery.

And then something comes in that you weren’t expecting….you can now ‘see’ life (dancing under your tree’s Leigh ๐Ÿ™‚ ), and it brings a joy like no other. It is a feeling that you have never had, simply because it has been blocked all your life. And there where it has always been is…your lovely tree’s on a roadway :), a butterfly with beautiful wings, flowers with color that you have never been able to really see before, even just a child’s happy face.

You can even now see and feel joy in others, because you ARE now joy because of what you now understand within yourself.

Yes, through your life you will feel bursts of joy in different events, simply because you have let your fear go, its overpowering reins on your life for just a while…until it slowly comes back in, reminding you of what you hold deep within.

That is our journey, to find that joy, in the love we have of ourselves. It holds so much joy unlike anything in this world…but it is only blocked by that wall of fear. Beneath that wall is an indescribable beauty…a place that will bring a smile from within like no other, regardless of where you are, whenever you are…it is timeless, and very unconditional.

I wish I could just show you what I found…but then you wouldn’t understand, because you hadn’t experienced giving that love to you, and finding that joy…the most important part of this entire journey down here ๐Ÿ™‚

First Love! (Part II)

What can I say, that first encounter (First Love!) was over 12 months ago.
She crossed my mind often, in between life’s many wanderings…but not to make ‘that’ meeting again.
It felt like a loss, but not, because I was blessed with touching something so beautiful for what it was.
So I moved on, lived in a world somehow devoid a little because it felt so wonderfully close and personal, but never to be touched.
I had even tried to measure it against what I thought my life should be like, constantly a part of someone who made me feel that way.
Fool…expectations are a brace for the unwary, wanting of something that I couldn’t find in myself.
And because of that realisation, I let it go…gently, oh so gently.
And so in doing this, I allowed it to happen again…just by minding my own business, expectation-less and celebrating a birthday with a friend.
And there she was…I wasn’t sure what to do at first…a quick hello because of how unsure I felt, many people around us.
But the glow in that smile, the sparkle in those eyes could never hide this…this ‘connection’ beyond time.
We mingled with friends, always aware of a darted eye, a comment, and that smile that can only come from one place.
I also became aware my jaw was hurting again, like the first time, from smiling so much…but I didn’t care. I would recite a prayer 5 million times just to see her smile.
Many little chats began, but broken because we realised we were ignoring everyone else…but flowing so smoothly.
And suddenly we were by ourselves, wiping up the dishes, a chore by anyone’s standards…but we didn’t see it.
And even that came to an end, and my time was up, I had to leave…but never wanting to.
Unsure of what to say to end this day…I lifted my arms to show a farewell at the least by that embrace.
And it happened…….we gently embraced and joined together in the most beautiful serenity, melting into each other.
We floated in a sensation that when we met before was but a gentle flutter, now turning full force.
The world did not exist, nothing did but that beautiful touch within.
A moment as the ego wanted to know what it meant, but I released it and moved beyond it into acceptance. Just a perfect moment where everything was…was…just so perfect.
Not a word was spoken, it didn’t need to be. Not a movement was made, it was no longer required…we just were.
I have felt many things in this life, touched many hearts, experienced much love, physically and spiritually in the healing’s around me.
But this…words could not utter what was there in that moment…I was lost…and found…in the simplicity of that connection.
A singularity where all comes together in that one instant of time, to touch that perfection.
We finally released each other, very reluctantly, after what seemed like forever, and searched for a way to be together again.
And the universe opened and showed us a way…she would be back in two weeks.
I left. I smiled inside and out, my jaw hurting like crazy…by a pain I did not want to stop.
Two weeks?…14 days? Could I wait that long.
This is only day three…and look at what I have written.
Even my heart is beginning to ache…but it too is a pain I would gladly endure forever.
But above all that, is the one thing that is there above all else.
I ‘knew’, even before a word had been spoken…a calm ‘knowing’ that I was already there, a connection unlike any before.
Soul Mates? Or is that just the Universe opening a gate, to help us to walk through and find that truth within.
I’m reaching for the latch…hesitating…but I am lost already, and know it.
Smiling the smile of the heart, I follow my path…touching that place within us all, with a love like no other to guide us truly.

***Footnote: Well, a little time has now passed since I wrote the above, spirit had asked me to ‘delay’ putting it up. And I realise why now. I’ve had time to digest something that still leaves me amazed at this connection. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The lady in question is going through a very difficult time in her life so is in no space to be wanting a relationship at the moment.
So, what does that mean…well, I do now realise, because of the previous relationship that I was in, that if it didn’t ‘connect’ with the incredible power that it did, I may not have told myself ‘it is time to move on’, and wanted to. It isn’t until we are faced with these issues that we really look within and make those decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I have been quite happy in going where I have gone in life, but I think it may be time to ‘change’ my direction, hence the ‘contact’ with another beautiful soul.
But beyond that…I was allowed to touch something…feel and see something that is within us all. And I smile all the more inside for the ‘knowing’ of that beauty, and what is gently waiting as we step past our fears, and open truly to a whole new way of being ๐Ÿ™‚

The Traveler!

The soul…eternal…connected…sharing…as one.
But just imagine being eternal…ageless…forever part of these multiverses.
A balance…at times physical…emotional…spiritual…independent, in the many forms taken.
A ‘life’ that goes on and on, forever seeking….something.
It cannot just ‘be’, for it is always absorbing, accepting from all around.
Otherwise it would stagnate, diminish and be absorbed into what ‘is’.
In all its ever journey’s it senses, touches, and experiences all around.
For a knowledge like no other, that thing that we all seek…even in our part ‘down here’.
All parts living a journey, to blossom, reveal and understand that path.
Cycles upon cycles, ever reaching to find that something, that meaning to sate that urge within.
Until our path is revealed, each time a blossoming in knowledge as that understanding is reached.
But where are we going? What purpose does a destination have in forever.
For if we found it, we would also stagnate, purpose released.
Then a traveler must be a purpose within itself, that constant journey, a journey to find self.
That place that is changing within, in each experience that we do.
Each time building self, that love within from those many understandings that they give.
Showing us ourselves in each passing moment…to be felt, realised…savored even.
We are travelers, moving, always moving…but within that movement blossoms a love,
even as a flower does, always changed, no two the same, but so beautiful within themselves.
So I bid you welcome fellow traveler, I greet you and share this moment in time.
May your travels enlighten, touch that soul, to begin another journey as each change brings a new love within.

Namaste

Seeking Love!

In all that we do in our lives, the largest most meaningful act that we do…is to seek love. It is the one thing that drives us, above all else…to find a love that will complete us, give us that happiness we so desperately search for, and a smile that goes on forever!

But each time we think we’ve found it, through those rose coloured glasses (initially) that block out those bits that may seem a little rough around the edges, it slowly resolves to its truth. Those once overlooked parts slowly creep out of the closet along with a dose of reality that make us take a step back to figure out just where we are in this maze of feelings.

And each time it slowly pushes a button, which we ignore for a while but slowly it becomes three feet across and weighs a ton. Try doing that up on your jacket with a one inch hole.

So what does this all mean, this never ending search for someone ‘out there’ who will fulfill this lifelong attempt to find this place that is supposed to be the nadir, the elixir of eternal happiness.

Each time we ‘find’ that special someone we do go through that ‘rose coloured glasses’ period for a reason. It will show us, and hold us, in a very beautiful connection of love. Move the earth, walk on water and a happiness like no other. It is teaching us this love so that we understand that ‘oh so beautiful feeling’, and what is possible in this incredible journey that we are on.

But the button bit also has a purpose. The pain that slowly rises up among this blissful place asks us to look within. Yes, in the early relationships we always point the finger at the other party and know by how we are being treated that this is not love. And these things can test us like no other. A love that holds us there desperately wanting to be loved but constantly being pierced by this pain.

But this has purpose too. We don’t want to leave, but can’t stay either. This, push me pull you, constantly waging a war of attrition trying to find a way through. And as each battle is raged we look for a way out, to repair or finally give up the ghost on something that has so much meaning for us. Yes, we are afraid, petrified of losing the beauty that has so much meaning for us…because within that is the one thing that drives our hearts like no other. But it also has the other thing that tears it apart as well…fear!

And that fear touches a pain from our childhood, a feeling of rejection, a hurt that at that age leaves a very big mark in our lives. And the ones we love with an open heart later in life, also touch these places, and the feeling is so raw and painful. It is this that shows us our journey, to look within and find what that pain means within us.

It will hide deeply because we’ve had a lifetime of burying it, hiding it and avoiding anything that brings that pain to the surface. But it is only by looking within, seeing it in its true light, that we can finally understand what it was that we felt was so painful, and let it go in that understanding.

And then we are free…free to love ourselves, forgive others and move past those bars that kept us viewing life from a distance. It truly does show us within that we ‘do matter’, and very much so. It shows us, in understanding our fear, how to love ourselves.

When I finally found it I was in shock because even for someone with my awareness, I had hidden it, disguised it, and gave this mask to myself and out into the world. And in that understanding I was free, and I don’t mean just free to do whatever I wished….this freedom is like nothing else, because you see, my fear had bound me in everything I did, it was a part of every breathing moment in all that I was. It’s like wearing a helmet 24 hours a day, you slowly get used to it and it becomes second nature, but you can’t see properly, you can’t do things because it confines your natural movement, it weighs you down in all that you do. But when I truly ‘saw’ what it was…I broke into tears and a weight like no other left me, I literally floated for weeks after it.

And because it was gone, I viewed everything from a complete new way…and the incredible part was…I was no longer guided by this fear…I no longer needed to be guided, I could now choose my path, where before it was chosen by the fear.

AND, the part that has totally blown me away…I no longer ‘need’ to find that love ‘out there’. Yes, I would like to share my love with someone, but it is no longer driven by that ‘need’ that had always been there, ever driving me to find that love and happiness for myself within another. I can now see that it was all a projection, I was always sending my fear ‘out there’ and attracting accordingly so that I ‘can’ deal with my fear, understand and release it, to find that freedom and love within.

It is a very strange place, because of that lifetime of always seeking love with that weight on our shoulders, things all take on a new light. I can now truly see so many things that before were blindfolded to me because of my fear. I now have ‘time’, and lots of it. The urge to do something or be something is gone, it no longer matters. I matter, as another beautiful blogger, maryrose, has given me the key many, many times in her beautiful replies. And while ever ‘I matter’ and I learn that loving myself is the key, then that is what I will always attract into my life as a natural course, just as the sun rises and sets every day, displaying a unique and beautiful sight each time in its journey.

It isn’t easy to seek our love, that is why it has so much impact in our lives. But in finding it, it will leave a mark like nothing else ever will…a love that will never be blocked out by life again because we have loved ourselves to find it…and a love like no other…that IS unconditional love.

May you be the love that you seek.

Namaste

The Force!

May the Force be with you…and it always is…calling, calling, calling!

Many times in our lives it will knock, just a light brush to see if your ready yet. Those odd moments when it makes us sit back and digest this occurrence because it is an event that doesn’t gel with our ‘logic’ and ‘science’ that this world teaches.

It will be just enough to ask that question…is it true? Was I imagining it? And our awareness has now been nudged.

We will let it go…but with an ear cocked in case it flirts with us again.

And it will…because we want it too. By being aware we have told the universe we want to understand this ‘thing’, see what it means to us and how it will affect our lives.

And after each time it knocks on our door, we gradually build a belief…yes, we begin to believe because it has done that magical thing that even in this world tells us it’s true….it happens more than once, even twice or three times…but by then we ‘know’…and the ‘knowing’ within begins.

And it will be exactly what is needed so that YOU can see it in action within your life. You begin to understand that it has laws, just like this world (‘as above, so below’). And the more you walk in your truth, integrity and love, the more you attract those things that you have always hoped for in you’re life. Because this world is full of its reverse, the hate, anger and fear.

This world will test you in every way it can…so that now that this understanding of another world has been shown to you, you will slowly see the wisdom of that journey, and realise that to have that happiness in your life that we all so earnestly seek, you can now trust what you have now been shown within.

All it takes is that first step…you know, the one that says ‘no’ to the infidelities of this world, the one that finally shows that you are now going to be loving to yourself by standing in that truth and integrity, and no longer stand in the fears of this world and say ‘yes’ to everyone else but yourself.

Each time you go to do something that you are not comfortable with you will know you are not standing in your truth. And I don’t mean using it as an excuse to not do something, it is the integrity that your heart also shows you each time in any circumstance. By standing in that truth and follow what you know within is the right thing, you also begin to attract that beauty back into your life.

And it is all being done with love, because by standing in that truth within you ARE giving that love to you, and that is what you will now give back out, and attract accordingly. It is as natural as the air you breathe in and out every day. It is a balance like no other, and you have total control of the entire journey.

Take a step….I dare you ๐Ÿ˜€

Loving Ourselves!

Loving ourselves (unconditional), is our natural state, it is only the fears and walls that we build that block it. And as each fear or wall is removed we begin to ‘feel’ on a much different level.

It becomes easier and easier to understand and have much empathy for another, because of the love we actually give ourselves BECAUSE we have looked into those fears, had the courage to face them, and once understood we release them, they no longer hold us in the patterns that we give them.

Most people do not understand what it means to love ourselves. When we love another it is built with so many expectations (and I might add, a needed lesson like any other), because we look for beauty, attitudes, strength, and those other things like money, security etc. But when we give love to ourselves….there is no expectation, it is an unconditional love.

We don’t first look for something so that it is accepted when we face our fears, there are no conditions when we finally gain the courage to look within, see our pain for what it is, and finally understand what had kept our walls in place and then by removing them in that understanding, give that love to ourselves within that healing.

We remove the duality of feeling a low sense of self worth (by isolating ourselves by building walls to keep it at bay), and finally accept ourselves for exactly who we are. That is unconditional love, and not an expectation within miles.

Once we give ourselves that unconditional love, we then give from that place. It isn’t until we love ourselves that we truly can love another, with no expectations.

The following is a very profound and beautiful verse that a lovely lady (Christy) shared with me as a guest post on Michelle’s Lipstick and Laundry blog:

——————————

    The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understandโ€จ
that this, too, was a gift.

(by Mary Oliver, from Thirst, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006)

—————————–

And yes, that box full of darkness has great meaning. We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.

Be brave, be strong and believe in you…for through that darkness is a beauty beyond measure. It is the truth of what you really are.

Namaste

Self Love!

It takes a big event in our lives to reach that place within where we finally stop, and sometimes after a very long time of persevering with something…a marriage, relationships with friends or family, a personal situation or even at work, and come to that place where we can see that enough is enough.

It is a very pivotal moment. It draws the fears to the surface but now instead of recoiling and trying to shove it down so it can no longer be seen as we usually do, we finally reach a place that we no longer wish to fight this any more and so we step through it. And it will push buttons that you have never tested before, a strange world where you stand up inside and take those first tentative, wobbly steps to reclaim a sense of self and a realisation that ‘I am worth so much more than this’.

And finally, in that realisation you will achieve something that a lifetime had not. The ability to give within…to give that self love from a truthful place and realise you ARE worth so much more.

So starts the journey to stand in that truth and become what this path seeks, the creation of a love that builds an understanding of love inside, but all starting from a place of fear so that we can see and appreciate what it has taken to find that place within. Both have much purpose, as one cannot be achieved without the other. Hard yes, but if it was easy it would be forgotten in a moment.

That relationship you have persevered with has given you the one thing that you have been seeking all your life…to find that self love and the true happiness that it holds.

Lets say your going through a divorce. And your ex-partner was to find another partner who makes them feel all happy, alive and excited with life…inside they will still be seeking their self love in that need to be with another…based on their fears. That happiness they seek can only be found in that self realisation. If you have found the reason that drove your fears within that relationship, you can now release them but not through anger or hurt, but from a place of understanding as you will now realise ‘why’ you were attracted to that relationship. This will allow you to forgive them (and yourself), now in your self realisation of what you have now understood…as they may not have found the beauty of what you have now become, and still looking to fill the pain and loss in their hearts.

This may take several relationships to ‘see’ that you seem to be hitting the same snags in your relationships, going through the same patterns, but this has purpose so that you ‘can’ see what is holding you back, the fear that will be underneath all your actions and keep you travelling that journey. Until finally it all comes to the surface and it cannot be hidden any longer. This is your moment, your chance to release something that has held you forever in a half truth of life, a place that had happiness but always marred by this thing that would pounce to always let you know that it was still a part of who you are.

And as that uproar settles you are now free to truly look inside and understand that the more you act in that self love, and I mean that with integrity and not a selfish way, your life will now slowly find a happiness, a true happiness where you no longer seek another based on those earlier fears of ‘not being loved or insecurity’ because you have now found that within yourself, the entire purpose of your journey.

Self love is an ability to truly look inside and realise what those fears were, and see how they have driven your life in so many ways and held you in those patterns. To face them IS self love for you will give to yourself something worth more than any other thing in this world. It is a freedom that is unbelievable when you finally step past it and feel that freedom for the first time, and in doing so you realise just how constrained you have been in all of your life. That fear constantly held ‘out of sight, out of mind’, not realising just how conformed you have become to living with it riding on your shoulders.

And as time slowly goes by you become more relaxed, more ‘seeing’ the world from a whole new perspective as you are no longer ‘on guard’ for the fear that was always there as you went about your life. This freedom begins to rebuild what you ‘want’ to be, rather than feeling ‘forced’ to be something by the world around you. A happier place where even if anything comes up in your life, your ability to cope is more at ease, relaxed and understanding….because you have been there, have much wisdom because of that journey and can now help others from now being in that place…and glad to do so.

The anger and pain that usually comes with these events are a part of being able to ‘let go’ from the loss of the security and love that we feel we are losing. And usually because it feels like a total rejection of who and what we are, and a very painful experience that hurts because we feel so unloved…and that is the key…it is a fear that is built on our own self worth. Our own inability for self love. And this is built from childhood and the relationships we have with (usually), our parents and how they were able to express the love that THEY were shown by their parents….and on and on it goes. We are always trying to find what we feel we haven’t got. And we feel we haven’t got that love, and the happiness within that, so we try to find that love in others…but it is in our self love that the answer is hidden.

We have been through a childhood where we have felt either a rejection of love, a hurt or a denial by someone we loved and looked up to. And in that is built our self worth. Are we loveable or not? That self worth takes a battering at this time and we spend the rest of our lives trying to rebuilt that feeling of love and connection with another, to rebuilt that loss we hold forever in our hearts as a consequence of this hurt, and to find that happiness again that has so much meaning within it. But when each time we are with another and they do something that gives us that feeling of rejection again, it re-ignites that fear and we jump straight back behind those emotional walls to keep that pain out.

Holding onto the pain and fear will only hold us in that pattern. We must look within it to find why it makes us feel this way…deeper in your heart to find what you are afraid of, and seek its meaning. In that you disarm it, realise the truth behind your fear…AND LET IT GO.

In total truth the above journeys do have great meaning…those relationships that seem to be a horror at the time ARE done from a place of great love, so that we DO find that self love within. Those instances where the world seems to be crumbling around us DO allow us to eventually come to that place within, and in doing so we heal that hole that always seems to be in our lives, and completes us in such a way that we ‘let go’ and no longer hold onto so many things that in the end, have no meaning or worth and opens us back up to that love and eventually give back out what we have now become.

Because I have been on this journey from a healer’s perspective and actively searched for meaning within my journey, spirit has shown me a great deal of understanding as I step through my fears and see those fears within others. We all must go through them to find that self love within, and gradually we are shown where the love really is…inside us, not ‘out there’. And in that realisation we finally see that all the stress and pain in our lives are all built upon the foundation of our fears that we have held in place since childhood. It is our path…a painful one but with an outcome that will far outshine all that went before.

Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves. If we didn’t we would always be wandering around pointing the finger at the world for the pain that we are in. If you look around you will see this, but eventually they begin to realise that they are changing, and in that change they find a new heart, a new direction and a peace that goes with that understanding. There is a silver lining to all events, it is made that way even though at times it may not feel like it, and slowly we are guided to find that truth within.

This world has many things for us all…much beauty AND much fear, so that we can become what we all truly seek. It is a balance where we will attract exactly what we need to find that beautiful heart within and finally understand the love that we are.

Where is your heart now?

Look inside, find that self love…your happiness is there…that unconditional love that is who you are…you are so worth it!

Life by the Numbers!

I initially didn’t understand spirit when told you can never understand anything until you HAVE experienced something. I always thought that spirit knew everything…and they do…but they do not ‘know’ it. That is our journey, to see, feel, understand and become that unconditional love within from every possible way, every infinite path within this universe, and probably outside this universe (sorry, spirit hasn’t mentioned anything beyond our earthly life here), a ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’ I am not….yet ๐Ÿ™‚
So I looked back over my life to see this journey and realised I really don’t ‘know’ anything until I experience it. You can be given lots of information which will create an awareness but its actuality has not been realised yet.

So I get the manual out…

Step 1. You are born into this world, painfully (birth canal), blindingly (theatre lights…unless you didn’t make it that far and the taxi was as far as you got ๐Ÿ™‚ ), and stark naked (I’m sure there wasn’t a wardrobe in there anywhere, but ask mum and I’m sure she will beg to differ, the pressure on the bladder for nine months couldn’t have been from just one tiny little body).

Step 2. I’ve got holes in me…the urge to shove everything….and I mean everything in my mouth is incredible (I can even chew the dogs ear but apparently that’s not acceptable). And these other holes…who invented those! Phew…is this a test, an endurance trial…it leaks like crazy and mum keeps looking at me with these incredibly loving eyes…till I leak, and especially that one at the back, WOW doesn’t that create a fuss, especially when it’s not expected. Out to dinner, at a function…and something funny called ‘I’ve got no wipes’. And I want what mum’s got over her nose, I think she called it a ‘peg’.

Step 3. I see lots of action. Tossed up into the air and caught on the way down, at attempt number seven I throw up all I’ve eaten and see such vivid colours AND the noise it creates can be a bit scary. People flapping all around me. This happens repeatedly over the years and I keep doing this but they never seem to learn.

Step 4. It’s now school time. Years of torment from all those other nose picking, humiliating, fight starting, embarrassment creations from all those pranks by the other kids. Oh, and we learn something called school work. Numbers, logic, playing with words all the time, and something called ‘life’ that is absolutely nothing like what really happens. Where do they get this stuff!

Step 5. I am struck totally numb. It was so sudden that I think it must be a particularly virulent disease that has taken me over. I can’t think or eat and anything like sanity you can forget. I don’t know what happened but she looked at me funny. Kind of smiled and did this pirouette and sauntered off. I’ve been lost ever since. This is dangerous, I cannot function while this smiling face keeps floating through my mind. I wonder where she lives?

Step 6. I married the disease darling. The circumstance has worked its way into me to such a degree I just say yes to everything. Where did she get that smile. I’m sure this is illegal. Oh, and I found out it is something called ‘love’. And you must repeat this often or all smiles are off….right off. Eating from a tin is ok, but it does not taste anything like what she can do.

Step 7. What?…you want to have a what??? No way! I mean of course I would love to have one of those…but now! Ok, ok…yes, of course I love you! Victory in defeat…is that an oxymoron? And so the cycle goes on…now she throws up, followed by the baby throwing up, followed by me as I clean one of those orifices. How can it be that colour?

Step 8. My mind is screaming, I want to jump off something, my world is upside down. No, not another nappy. She’s left me 12 months ago for another man. He would have to at least be able to mow lawns, clean the attic, paint the garage and change a nappy five times before lunch to outdo me! But she’s gone…and I’ve had enough of….me.

Step 9. Spirit whispers to me ‘Get off your butt and do something’. I think it’s just me feeling miserable and ignore it as usual. This time spirit says ‘Your going to die!’. I tell spirit ‘We all are’. Spirit says ‘But you’ve only got five years’. NOW spirit has my attention. And I realise that I can sit here and be sorry for myself or I can see the truth in the fact that I could die any day, so do I want to stay in this hole or do I want to live. No brainer.

Step 10. I realise that it has always been me and how I reacted to life and what I did about it. And that I have a passenger on board that has always been there guiding away…but ‘sometimes’ I don’t listen. Ok, the disease darling that I married (and still love if I admit it), made me, forced me, showed me what and why I was really feeling within and with great love crushed me, made the baby throw up on me all the time, dragged me kicking and screaming, showed me my fears so that I may be divorced free and live a life of unconditional love. (grumble, grumble…ok, this part takes time to get through).

Step 11. It’s time. I’ve released that body that has carried me for years and years. The relief and beauty that I’m now feeling is beautiful. Finally I’ve let go of that life of misery and pain and emotional turmoil. I know I’ve gained much wisdom and ‘knowing’ from the hardships I’ve been through. I realise that these hard journey’s must be done to understand what unconditional love is. I know I’m now in a much more loving place within from that understanding. I see a lovely light coming towards me…at last, I’m free…totally free. And as I enter the light I see….I see…no, noooo…I’m being born into the bilge water in the bottom of a convict ship, everyone chained to the walls. Nooo, send me back, I want to go back, I’ll be good I promise…pleeeeeease, send me back!!!

Step 12. This is life 682. Only 43,318 to go. They say that it teaches such beauty and wisdom and love. Well, no point in fighting it, as I throw up onto the first mate’s shirt for the second time. I think I might be starting to get the hang of this.

The Walls of Jericho!

Yes, those walls of Jericho were an amazing sight to the enemies of those times. Never to be breached as they were so well built to only allow friendly passage and not those who were against what those within believed and lived. Well, until the spirit of God arrived within the Ark to bring it tumbling down.

A little like those walls we build within, to stop that invader that would dare attack us, try to invade OUR space and force their ways on us. And to test whether those walls are there for the right purpose. Enable those that think like us free access, and refuse entry to those that hurt us and cause pain.

And those invaders are there to do exactly that. They are showing you your fears and walls that we all build to protect ourselves, and they have great purpose.

As you test those walls you realise why they are there, and understand that they were your only way of protecting yourself from what you felt was a very hard, unloving and hurtful experience in your life, so you put up a wall so you no longer get hurt.

And that is usually done as a child when your coping strategies were very immature because you were so young, so a wall goes up because you know no other way to protect yourself, and you then begin to avoid those situations like the plague. But when you begin to realise why you put those walls up and you start to see those coping strategies for what they are and how they are blocking your life, you begin to understand how that blockage is affecting you. And in that understanding that comes from your spirit within, after many, many years, you finally release something that feels like the weight of the world (and to you, it is), has finally been lifted and everything from that moment on changes forever. The change is so huge that you feel a little lost in the beginning because you have never been in this place before. Your life has never had such freedom and an ability to stop and smell the roses….literally.

We don’t realise that this fear has been so integrated to our lives that we are always ‘on guard’ in everything we do…from when we get up of a morning, working, playing or even scratching our nose, it has always been a part of who you were.

Now you are free, and it can almost feel like you are in shock because of that release. But it will be like no shock you have ever felt before. And when reached, you slowly make choices for you for the first time…and not from a place of fear where you are always second guessing yourself so that you don’t have to face that fear. It is a magical place that freedom, as it gives you unfettered access to that beautiful thing inside your heart….you…the true you, that has wanted to escape to a happier place forever. And now you are finally there.

As you release that fear you are no longer giving from a place of fear. We actually project those fears out from us everyday.

As an example, and this is me personally, I always gave to a lady with everything that I was….I would take them out, give them flowers, be courteous by pulling chairs out for them to sit etc. I would smother them in love….but that was the problem, after a while they would hold their hands up and say ‘whoa, that’s lovely but please just slow down a bit’. And I would be all offended, thinking I was being rejected for giving that love. I would point the finger and say ‘it is their fault, how could they possibly not want to be loved’. And because all my relationships ended like this I would always think that they had been hurt by some other man and found it hard to accept that love from some one. Any excuse in fact, bar the one that mattered.
Because I felt rejected from my parents as a child, and felt that total fear of being unloved by the very people that I looked up to and loved, I would bury my loves, with love, so that I WOULDN’T BE REJECTED.

And there lies the rub of my journey. I projected my fear onto all those that I loved. I wanted to be loved so badly, and not be rejected, that I led with my fear.
It is such a subtle thing these fears, and we do the most incredible things to not go through them, not realising that they are there for all to see…AND that they actually attract exactly what we need to go through them. How many fears have you avoided? None, zip, nada!

With great love the universe wants you to understand…you. And within that understanding come back to your truth. Not a wobbly version that is trying to avoid the pain that is carried within your heart for what seems like forever. But the real you within that is a very beautiful and loving person entirely. And as you break free and release that fear, and those negative feelings about yourself that go with it, you finally find that thing that you have always been looking for. That journey of seeking to find that ‘happiness’ somewhere and finally be at peace.

And it can be found…where it has always been, but hidden behind a wall of fear. That fear has great purpose, for it has led you to find this place…and finally understand, and appreciate the beauty that is within each and every one of us BECAUSE of what we have been through.

You are a beautiful soul…something that shines out forever. Believe in that, for at each turn in life a little more is set free and you begin to shine a little brighter each time to stand in your truth and release what you know is no longer you…and be that love that is always there.

Your walls of Jericho will crumble at a shout from you, and a determination within to seek the fear that holds those walls up. They will crumble in an instant when you find that truth that is you…and release you from their bondage forever, to finally be set free.