Life by the Numbers!

I initially didn’t understand spirit when told you can never understand anything until you HAVE experienced something. I always thought that spirit knew everything…and they do…but they do not ‘know’ it. That is our journey, to see, feel, understand and become that unconditional love within from every possible way, every infinite path within this universe, and probably outside this universe (sorry, spirit hasn’t mentioned anything beyond our earthly life here), a ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’ I am not….yet 🙂
So I looked back over my life to see this journey and realised I really don’t ‘know’ anything until I experience it. You can be given lots of information which will create an awareness but its actuality has not been realised yet.

So I get the manual out…

Step 1. You are born into this world, painfully (birth canal), blindingly (theatre lights…unless you didn’t make it that far and the taxi was as far as you got 🙂 ), and stark naked (I’m sure there wasn’t a wardrobe in there anywhere, but ask mum and I’m sure she will beg to differ, the pressure on the bladder for nine months couldn’t have been from just one tiny little body).

Step 2. I’ve got holes in me…the urge to shove everything….and I mean everything in my mouth is incredible (I can even chew the dogs ear but apparently that’s not acceptable). And these other holes…who invented those! Phew…is this a test, an endurance trial…it leaks like crazy and mum keeps looking at me with these incredibly loving eyes…till I leak, and especially that one at the back, WOW doesn’t that create a fuss, especially when it’s not expected. Out to dinner, at a function…and something funny called ‘I’ve got no wipes’. And I want what mum’s got over her nose, I think she called it a ‘peg’.

Step 3. I see lots of action. Tossed up into the air and caught on the way down, at attempt number seven I throw up all I’ve eaten and see such vivid colours AND the noise it creates can be a bit scary. People flapping all around me. This happens repeatedly over the years and I keep doing this but they never seem to learn.

Step 4. It’s now school time. Years of torment from all those other nose picking, humiliating, fight starting, embarrassment creations from all those pranks by the other kids. Oh, and we learn something called school work. Numbers, logic, playing with words all the time, and something called ‘life’ that is absolutely nothing like what really happens. Where do they get this stuff!

Step 5. I am struck totally numb. It was so sudden that I think it must be a particularly virulent disease that has taken me over. I can’t think or eat and anything like sanity you can forget. I don’t know what happened but she looked at me funny. Kind of smiled and did this pirouette and sauntered off. I’ve been lost ever since. This is dangerous, I cannot function while this smiling face keeps floating through my mind. I wonder where she lives?

Step 6. I married the disease darling. The circumstance has worked its way into me to such a degree I just say yes to everything. Where did she get that smile. I’m sure this is illegal. Oh, and I found out it is something called ‘love’. And you must repeat this often or all smiles are off….right off. Eating from a tin is ok, but it does not taste anything like what she can do.

Step 7. What?…you want to have a what??? No way! I mean of course I would love to have one of those…but now! Ok, ok…yes, of course I love you! Victory in defeat…is that an oxymoron? And so the cycle goes on…now she throws up, followed by the baby throwing up, followed by me as I clean one of those orifices. How can it be that colour?

Step 8. My mind is screaming, I want to jump off something, my world is upside down. No, not another nappy. She’s left me 12 months ago for another man. He would have to at least be able to mow lawns, clean the attic, paint the garage and change a nappy five times before lunch to outdo me! But she’s gone…and I’ve had enough of….me.

Step 9. Spirit whispers to me ‘Get off your butt and do something’. I think it’s just me feeling miserable and ignore it as usual. This time spirit says ‘Your going to die!’. I tell spirit ‘We all are’. Spirit says ‘But you’ve only got five years’. NOW spirit has my attention. And I realise that I can sit here and be sorry for myself or I can see the truth in the fact that I could die any day, so do I want to stay in this hole or do I want to live. No brainer.

Step 10. I realise that it has always been me and how I reacted to life and what I did about it. And that I have a passenger on board that has always been there guiding away…but ‘sometimes’ I don’t listen. Ok, the disease darling that I married (and still love if I admit it), made me, forced me, showed me what and why I was really feeling within and with great love crushed me, made the baby throw up on me all the time, dragged me kicking and screaming, showed me my fears so that I may be divorced free and live a life of unconditional love. (grumble, grumble…ok, this part takes time to get through).

Step 11. It’s time. I’ve released that body that has carried me for years and years. The relief and beauty that I’m now feeling is beautiful. Finally I’ve let go of that life of misery and pain and emotional turmoil. I know I’ve gained much wisdom and ‘knowing’ from the hardships I’ve been through. I realise that these hard journey’s must be done to understand what unconditional love is. I know I’m now in a much more loving place within from that understanding. I see a lovely light coming towards me…at last, I’m free…totally free. And as I enter the light I see….I see…no, noooo…I’m being born into the bilge water in the bottom of a convict ship, everyone chained to the walls. Nooo, send me back, I want to go back, I’ll be good I promise…pleeeeeease, send me back!!!

Step 12. This is life 682. Only 43,318 to go. They say that it teaches such beauty and wisdom and love. Well, no point in fighting it, as I throw up onto the first mate’s shirt for the second time. I think I might be starting to get the hang of this.


29 thoughts on “Life by the Numbers!

    • Thank you Barbara. It was just an urge to try something different 🙂 And it would be hard to choose a life elsewhere, this lovely blue ball hurtling through space has some of the most beautiful things on it, over it and within it…a magic when we finally understand. May THIS journey be the one. Mark xo

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      • My own dream of this life being the one inspired me to write about my journey towards my vision… Which is so near to be published Your Magnificent Self… A Journey to Freedom, to inspire others to resonate with their own truth and live their heart and souls desire… Barbara

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Mark great way to say serious things in a fun way! 😉 I am agree we have to experience things to know and feel the urge to look into our souls, and opens up doors to our consciousness and awareness going deeply in our search throughout the unknown…I always enjoy reading your posts! Much love sent your way I will leave you with one of my 50 Words Story…

    Golden Aura

    The bright golden aura was expanding through the darkness of clouds lighting up the sky. Unconscious awareness of an awakening soul was swimming through the thirst of truth. Climbing stairs of universal love, finding peace and happiness into a raising moon.



    • Thank you for your lovely comment Carolina, very much appreciated. And the Golden Aura is a beautiful story, it allows you to see the truths of our journey, it has a good feel to it, thank you.
      I enjoyed playing with this post as I think I needed to not be so serious and do the deep thing and just go with the flow. I had it tucked away and finally decided I needed to let my hair down and do something different 🙂
      Thank you again for visiting and sharing your golden glow 🙂

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  2. I have been saving your piece in my inbox all week and knew I’d find the perfect time to read. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life–step 10 really got to me. I’ve always been able to feel your heart – thank you so much for letting me see it, too. xo


    • Thank you Michelle. I was being a little off handed with this one, but it does all come back to how we face our journey, and the building of our little pump pump thing inside 🙂
      You are doing very well my friend, thank you for sharing my hearts journey, and me for sharing yours also. Your words on your blog that you share, are beautiful to feel and see also, for it does show the beauty you have created within. xo Namaste

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was just talking with a friend last night about “knowing” and how you have to have experienced something to have this sensation. I have done quite a bit of healing work with a hypnotherapist, and have experienced several instances of knowing. When the chatter brain is quiet, then it’s a lot easier to connect and for me to have these knowing experiences.


    • Yes it is a very distinct connection. When it happens the understanding is so direct there is no confusion or ego questions firing because your unsure or whatever. You just ‘know’ because you have connected with a truth.
      Thank you for sharing mariner2mother, may your ‘knowing’ be all from the heart 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Michele, the mood took me, I think I was needing a little fun and a poke at myself 🙂
      And yes, the beat does go on, but thankfully there are places of much beauty or I think we all might go a little crazy. Those lovely places where it so feels like magic to make it all worthwhile 🙂


  4. Mark this is brilliant my friend.. And so understand those 12 steps, and still the lessons keep coming.. ( I am secretly hoping this is my last incarnation Earth Side… I am hoping some other Galaxy perhaps where by we have already learn’t life’s ‘Emotional Lessons’) 🙂 well, I am a Dreamer after all 🙂

    Great post dear Mark which had me smiling all the way through reading 🙂

    Blessings Sue


  5. I remember my dad trying to caution me on choices I might make and my mum, being the wise soul she was, said, ‘You telling her isn’t going to make a bit of difference. She’ll have to it find out for herself.’
    My dad was right in his cautions and my mum was right in her advice. Learning the hard way is the only real learning it seems.
    I dont know about this whole coming back for a do over. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now spirit hasn’t shown me anything about the ‘come back’ bit. I was in a quite frivolous mood as I wrote this. It has basic truths but the urge to just be lighter about it took me. I actually penned it a while ago but didn’t post it as I thought it may have been too off handed, but hey, I needed to just go with the flow and have a laugh. We take life much too seriously 🙂
      But your mum and dad gave very sage advice, we do need to be told but it will always come back to the experiences we have and the wisdom we gain. Mum and dad are great for a heads up but I do remember going against what they had said….once….ok, maybe twice 😀 Experience is worth its weight in gold 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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