Splat!

Well folks, I’ve done it again. Another little adventure to see a part of myself that obviously hasn’t been very clear to me.

And spirit being the very loving other half of me, allowed me to have a venture into life, allow me to fall flat on my face, and discover just where my heart is currently at.

Being a regular reader of scottishmomus’s site of poetry and words of life I usually click a like or fire a comment her way as I find the words of her poetry enjoyable. She has a way with expressing something, even if it is about something a little risque.

And she did this the other day with a very well written piece about problems that older , men and women, go through as they get older in life. I laughed because of its relevance and how it strikes us all, regardless of who we are and where we are in life.

And that’s where I decided to give a reply of an incident in my own life…..a very risque one ^^’

Now because of where I’m at in my life I have no problems speaking what is a truth within my life, so I do, without hesitation, because I know it is just a part of life that we all go through.

Well, I sent the comment in reply, and started to feel uncomfortable. So I went for a walk, I had a coffee, I chatted to different people, I got lost in multiple things…and it kept coming back to haunt me.

So I did what I always do and decided I needed to ‘see’ something here or why else the feelings.

So after another 24 hours (and a chat to spirit), I finally realised that my comment was having an effect on me simply because what I had said was an old way of how I used to be.

The following is a quote that I sent to mommus….

“When your awareness reaches where I am at, you no longer do ‘old’ things….like I used to fire off comments like that dime a dozen and not think anything of it.
But because I realise that how I am now within myself, is what I put out into the universe , and then attract back accordingly. I am no longer in that space and the comment has made me feel very uncomfortable.
I suppose its like kicking an old habit…when you do it again after a very long time, you kick yourself and feel daft for doing it again 🙂
But no, I’m not worried about the goody two shoes bit even though I was constantly worried about what others thought of me up until only a few years ago, and I’m just as flawed as the rest of the planet, I can still do daft things (thankfully) as it teaches much, and I obviously needed to see this to realise where I’m now at.
But what my main ‘thing’ was….I have reached a point within myself where I stand in my truth. Now what happened IS a truth, but in understanding that truth you come to realise that they did assist you in becoming what you now are…BUT, they ARE no longer what you have now become. Standing in those old truths again takes you back into those feelings, attitudes etc.
We all change, and as you said, it is part of the process.
To give you an example…when we go back to a place long ago in our lives, it gives a range of feelings, some good, some bad…but almost all of them we think, yes it had its time but I wouldn’t go back there, because we have learnt from that time, we are changed, we are no longer that person. “And can actually feel uncomfortable…BECAUSE we now know better (of ourselves), and are past those times and feelings in our lives. We can even go back into old relationships…but because we have learnt and moved on, it is never the same, we are changed by our experiences.”
It is a natural process to move on, or we would be forever stuck in our childhoods of eating sweets, ice cream and wanting to ride on dads shoulders 🙂
So it is an expectation, a knowing that I have moved past that. Yes, I laughed my head off at your post BECAUSE it was written with the wisdom of a mother, teacher and very funny lady, and because of all those experiences. Your take on life is done in such a way to enable us to laugh at ourselves, it is a very big thing to be able to do that, it is an acceptance of ourselves even though we can do some crazy things.
And those memories are important as they are the guide to our future. The basis of our wisdom and the love that that creates.”

I sent an apology to mommus, and on her post for any offense caused, but truly inside…I think it was because I wasn’t standing in my truth…and I know that isn’t my path.

So, I obviously needed to ‘go back’ and see where I’m now at. No, I’m not a prude or a holier than thou in where I’m at….but, I do know that I’m what I have become…a wiser, more loving and giving person BECAUSE of my journey through all of those things, like we all do as we go through life. And just maybe to pop a little ego bubble that was floating around in my life and make me stop and think a little 🙂

And I accept that, for it brings us closer to that love we all seek within ourselves, a love of that truth within, our truth, by the journey that is us.

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31 thoughts on “Splat!

  1. Just wondering how you would know what it feels like to be in jail for 50 years????? Have you forgotten to tell me something, Sir Mark??? LOL 🙂 Peace out, my friend! Just doing my job! 🙂

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    • Thankfully, no, I do not ‘know’ that experience Tammy! But I do have a feeling of what it is to be stuck within ourselves in fear while we gain the courage to step finally outside that fear.
      It usually takes a long time, but that has purpose so that we DO see within ourselves as we let go and love ourselves by doing so 🙂
      Thank you for sharing my friend, and doing your job nicely 😀

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      • 11 seconds after the game started, we’ve already scored a touchdown!!!!! I didn’t even get a chance to log out. I consider my body my prison cell, as you already know, so I do know what it’s like to be in prison for we won’t discuss how many years, but anyway……..I better log out for now. Be back around. later, gator. xx 🙂

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          • It was a shut out. We won 30-0. That was the wildcard game. Next Saturday or Sunday, we’ll play Denver. One of our biggest rivals. Anyway, it was fun watching them beat the pants off Houston! They started the season 1-5 and everyone gave up on them, then they started winning and they’ve now won 11 games in a row. They totally turned themselves around and look like a totally different team. Anyway, that’s enough of that. Getting ready to attempt to go to sleep. Hope your having a good day, while I’ll be sleeping. Peace out, buddy! xx 🙂

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          • Well, Y0ur Royal Heinous, the Chiefs had a rough start and it looked like they had blown it, early on, too. They started the season at 1/5 and went on to win 11 games straight! I’m riding the insomnia train. I’ve only had, maybe 3 1/2 hours sleep since Sunday, and I’m probably exaggerating, it’s probably really only more like 2 hours of very restless sleep. Yesterday morning, I had to have injections in my back and the doctor must have given me one hell of a dose of steroids! I slept for one hour this afternoon. I decided to meditate and it put me to sleep, but only for a very short time. Everyone in my house is sound asleep and snoring away. I’m just a little jealous. Looking like it’s going to be another sleepless night. Shit!!!! If this no-sleep situation, if it goes on for too long, I’ll snap. Been there, done that, and it’s not pretty. I really don’t ever want to go there,again. Sigh…………….I’m having one hell of a time typing this because I have band-aids on several of my fingers because in the winter my skin gets so dry and my fingers get all these little cracks, like deep paper cuts. Therefore, it’s jacking with my typing abilities. Hope your having a GREAT day, buster! Time for drugs, and lying down and doing that stuff you always tell me to do. It didn’t work last night, but tonight is a new night, so we shall see.
            Peace out,
            Tammy xx 🙂 Goodnight! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………………….

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          • Hey Tammy, that not sleeping isn’t good dude. We need to change your rhythm 🙂 Maybe force yourself to stay awake daylight hours and only allow night time sleep. The light throws out your inner clock and it just may need to be reset. Mind you, Kansas City has got you all excited anyway 😀 We need to calm the Wild Flower 😀
            I have some magic for you….put Macadamia Oil on your hands, it is very like the moisture normally in your hands and it will soften and moisten them back up very quickly, and speeds healing up. I use it constantly in my massage and I have baby’s hands 😀 . Truly, they are so soft and I never get any infections on my hands at all. Most people don’t realise that most of the ladies moisturisers have macadamia oil in them….that is its secret.
            Most people my age (I’m 23 😀 ), are starting to get the wrinkly hands thing happening….my hands are beautiful, and when I do the spring back test on my skin it bounces back nicely, and not that sloooow crawl that says the elasticity of the skin is starting to lose the plot 🙂
            Have a great night Tammy, sending night time energy, sleep well my friend. xo
            P.S. If you buy any Macadamia Oil make sure it is almost totally clear, the more yellow in the bottle the more impurities it has and it will stain clothing and smell stronger. Not that Macadamia is a bad smell but I found the unclear oil made me throw my massage towels out much sooner 🙂 Night!

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  2. How did I miss this, Mark? In reading it I’m pretty sure that I already have although there is no like or comment to signify. That usually means with me that I had no time to comment so register nothing until I can comment. So much for how well that worked. It usually does. :/
    I understand your discomfiture by thinking of when I too am uneasy about actions or words that don’t feel right with me. We best know ourselves what seems fitting for who we are.
    I want to reiterate that no one, then or since, has said a word to suggest that any offense was given. I know that’s only a part of what troubled you but you should know it, nonetheless, to ease that portion.
    It sure is a journey and a half to get to where we begin to know ourselves and expect our words and actions to reflect that for the greater part. I guess we just keep on tripping and falling and getting up to go on and learn some more. Sticking plasters at the ready and on we go. 🙂

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    • Probably because we had that little chat by email felt like you had replied….which you did 🙂 It is an interesting journey and just to reinforce what I was looking within myself for, it came up again since that post.
      We all get lessons in all their forms and it is amazing just how many times it comes back to touch us (some of us are a little thicker than others, must be the male energy 🙂 ).
      Actually, I shouldn’t say that, we attract exactly what is needed and it no longer touches us when it has been dealt with.
      Same goes for the good things in life….just as I heard this amazing singing on a post just yesterday and how it has been attracted to them in their journey, singing like a lark momus and lovely to hear. That takes great courage to do, I applaud your standing in your truth 🙂
      And I also thank you for reassuring me with regard to the ‘event’, and that ‘sticking plaster’ is the love of a great friendship, it is much appreciated, thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes we are tested, and it seems here Mark you also saw the wisdom of why you needed to revisit the comment and learn from the truth of who you no longer are.
    The past has created you to who you are today, but you are no longer who you were.. And it takes courage as Val has said to openly admit to those feelings..
    We each are changing.. And learning and growing.. And only in the moment of impulse can we often see ourselves in a different light.

    Wishing you an insightful weekend Mark.
    Blessings Sue

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    • Thank you Sue. I have noticed that this last 18 months there has been a lot of things coming up from the past, and all have pointed to that big fear in my life of rejection.
      It has gradually positioned me to face it and let it go. And the squirming has been amazing 🙂
      Finally I’m in a place where it is becoming a memory, and like everything else they come up occasionally to let us see just how far we have come along 🙂 If it didn’t we wouldn’t have a way of seeing just where we have come in our lives.
      The past does show us our future, without it we can’t alter make or alter our choices.
      I choose freedom 🙂
      Have a great weekend too Sue, may it be full of sunshine, green gardens and others around you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Such a great insight Mark! Thank you for courage in sharing about listening to these “off” signals and reconnecting with your inner truth. As we evolve these splat moments are precious gems.
    Shame also belongs in the past xo

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    • Thank you Val. It was an interesting moment. Spirit brought me up quick smart to realise just where I am at. And I have a feeling that it is needed for something coming along soon, I have a funny feeling I’m about to be tested big time, and I needed to see where I was at. Time will tell, and in hindsight and as you say, they are precious gems 🙂 Thank you for sharing. Mark

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        • No, I’ve learned to ‘listen’…most times 🙂 I’ve even had spirit outright tell me something, and I’ve still gone in and done something anyway. Actually makes me wonder just how much control IS brought to bear. Yes, it’s still free choice, and back ‘in there’ is still me….but, makes you ponder sometimes. And yes, hindsight is also very important, it produces our choices for the future, and I get lots of that too so I do keep out of trouble. You would think all the help I’m getting I would be cruising along, happy as a lark. Well, usually I am, but it would be a boring old trip down here if I didn’t have to look within occasionally. Apparently I have to look for my unconditional love too 🙂

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          • Now that is a lot Mark! There is much that we can’t figure out … And, bottom line, it is in fact arrogant to think we can.
            Accepting what we don’t know is such a hard step!

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          • Thank you Val. Yes, it is in fact by letting go that makes it so much easier, and not trying to figure out the world.
            Yes, I get pulled up when I need to understand something, and thankfully I have learned to release which allows me to ‘hear’ spirit/higher self/God, passing things on as I need to learn or help others.
            It is in just accepting ourselves, and others, as we are…that looking within thing, and not try to fix the world that finally brings that understanding 🙂
            Most point the finger ‘out there’ for their problems until slowly they realise it has always been within, where everything begins. In there is all we need to know!

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  5. Mark, you are being too hard on yourself. Whatever you said was how you were feeling at the time and that’s okay. It’s just too stressful to monitor ourselves. That’s why I now just laugh at, and with myself. But I love your post and your honesty.

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    • Thanks Michele. I thought about that, about being hard on myself, but in the end it was just being uncomfortable because I knew it wasn’t me. I suppose I’ve got into a habit of being that way and it was a bit of a shock to realise that something I did dime a dozen, is no longer who I am.
      I should have realised a while ago, I got frustrated with some work I was doing and I swore. It shocked me because it has been so long since I have heard anything like that come out of my mouth.
      Again, I’m not being prudish, it’s just no longer who I am. Thanks you again Michele, I appreciate your reply.

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      • We are always learning, my friend. Your sense of self-awareness is a true gift.
        I can’t begin to count how many times I wished I wouldn’t have pressed “send” or “publish” on something. In most instances, the discomfort came because I knew it wasn’t me. Just as you have spoken.
        On a lighter note – I loved her post and am curious as heck about the deleted comment 😉

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        • Momus always has a way with words. She knows how to say something without saying it 🙂 Might have something to do with being a teacher 🙂
          It was an interesting thing to feel how uncomfortable I actually got because these days anything I think of in my past I just accept, regardless how mortifying it was back then because I know it was a lesson. They are all lessons.
          But this one got me so it set me to wondering why.
          Yes, it was a bit too risque (an event many years ago with a lady. No, not the actual act…but a funny (to us :)), event in the lead up to it. Lets put it this way….tangled hair :)), and I’m always aware of others, but I think I needed to see if I had become a bit too blase and maybe I needed a bit of balance in how I was being ‘truthful’.
          It’s one thing to say something truthful to someone, but more importantly it is ‘how’ you say it, so maybe I needed a heads up.
          Can’t go embarrassing everyone else just because I’m ok with something 🙂 Thanks Michelle, hope that eased your curiosity 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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