Well folks, I’ve done it again. Another little adventure to see a part of myself that obviously hasn’t been very clear to me.
And spirit being the very loving other half of me, allowed me to have a venture into life, allow me to fall flat on my face, and discover just where my heart is currently at.
Being a regular reader of scottishmomus’s site of poetry and words of life I usually click a like or fire a comment her way as I find the words of her poetry enjoyable. She has a way with expressing something, even if it is about something a little risque.
And she did this the other day with a very well written piece about problems that older , men and women, go through as they get older in life. I laughed because of its relevance and how it strikes us all, regardless of who we are and where we are in life.
And that’s where I decided to give a reply of an incident in my own life…..a very risque one
Now because of where I’m at in my life I have no problems speaking what is a truth within my life, so I do, without hesitation, because I know it is just a part of life that we all go through.
Well, I sent the comment in reply, and started to feel uncomfortable. So I went for a walk, I had a coffee, I chatted to different people, I got lost in multiple things…and it kept coming back to haunt me.
So I did what I always do and decided I needed to ‘see’ something here or why else the feelings.
So after another 24 hours (and a chat to spirit), I finally realised that my comment was having an effect on me simply because what I had said was an old way of how I used to be.
The following is a quote that I sent to mommus….
“When your awareness reaches where I am at, you no longer do ‘old’ things….like I used to fire off comments like that dime a dozen and not think anything of it.
But because I realise that how I am now within myself, is what I put out into the universe , and then attract back accordingly. I am no longer in that space and the comment has made me feel very uncomfortable.
I suppose its like kicking an old habit…when you do it again after a very long time, you kick yourself and feel daft for doing it again 🙂
But no, I’m not worried about the goody two shoes bit even though I was constantly worried about what others thought of me up until only a few years ago, and I’m just as flawed as the rest of the planet, I can still do daft things (thankfully) as it teaches much, and I obviously needed to see this to realise where I’m now at.
But what my main ‘thing’ was….I have reached a point within myself where I stand in my truth. Now what happened IS a truth, but in understanding that truth you come to realise that they did assist you in becoming what you now are…BUT, they ARE no longer what you have now become. Standing in those old truths again takes you back into those feelings, attitudes etc.
We all change, and as you said, it is part of the process.
To give you an example…when we go back to a place long ago in our lives, it gives a range of feelings, some good, some bad…but almost all of them we think, yes it had its time but I wouldn’t go back there, because we have learnt from that time, we are changed, we are no longer that person. “And can actually feel uncomfortable…BECAUSE we now know better (of ourselves), and are past those times and feelings in our lives. We can even go back into old relationships…but because we have learnt and moved on, it is never the same, we are changed by our experiences.”
It is a natural process to move on, or we would be forever stuck in our childhoods of eating sweets, ice cream and wanting to ride on dads shoulders 🙂
So it is an expectation, a knowing that I have moved past that. Yes, I laughed my head off at your post BECAUSE it was written with the wisdom of a mother, teacher and very funny lady, and because of all those experiences. Your take on life is done in such a way to enable us to laugh at ourselves, it is a very big thing to be able to do that, it is an acceptance of ourselves even though we can do some crazy things.
And those memories are important as they are the guide to our future. The basis of our wisdom and the love that that creates.”
I sent an apology to mommus, and on her post for any offense caused, but truly inside…I think it was because I wasn’t standing in my truth…and I know that isn’t my path.
So, I obviously needed to ‘go back’ and see where I’m now at. No, I’m not a prude or a holier than thou in where I’m at….but, I do know that I’m what I have become…a wiser, more loving and giving person BECAUSE of my journey through all of those things, like we all do as we go through life. And just maybe to pop a little ego bubble that was floating around in my life and make me stop and think a little 🙂
And I accept that, for it brings us closer to that love we all seek within ourselves, a love of that truth within, our truth, by the journey that is us.