Emotional Intimacy!

Ok, I’m now going to explain to you something that we all tend to unintentionally avoid. A little thing you can do to change that ‘who you are within’, and create a space that in most peoples lives has been missing due to the rush, rush of life. Or as most people come to realise, the person that they are with, or even themselves, have been raised in a way or been through something that takes this part of their lives away and is replaced with a wall to stop the fear or pain of being hurt or rejected. Or even do not understand its meaning due to never being shown how to express themselves in this way.

Now I’m going to ask you to do something very simple (and to those that know how to…ask yourself, ‘do you really’). I want you to steal 30 minutes from your hectic life, grab your partner and go lay down together (and I mean together, not you on the lounge and your partner on the floor, I want contact here) somewhere comfortable. Bed, lounge, hammock or just out on the grass somewhere (which is so much more grounding and will connect you much closer). And fully clothed thank you!!!

Now I want you to do the unthinkable…I want you to just hold and cuddle each other for 10 minutes and DO NOT talk (especially about any problems, the days uproar, the kids or the stock market). Talking does need to be done BEFORE you get to this position as it will remove any stress, tension or worry that is bothering you. Then you can lay down and not have this need to connect verbally, which is a bonding in itself, but I need your undivided attention on you and your partner and not a mind scrambling trying to sort out a problem.

At the 10 minute mark there should be this thing called ‘relaxation’. But more than that, you have now (and especially if you haven’t done this for a long time), just re-inserted yourselves into each others most intimate zone. (Yes, I probably could have worded that a little better). That connection is something that life tends to keep you ‘on guard’ for, and only a select few are allowed in that place. But life and it’s ‘zoom, zoom’ gradually distracts us and we seem to get further and further from that place that if you really think about it, is so much more inviting than the stress of everyday life. It’s a balance so that life isn’t all work and no play.

Now here is the hard bit. I want you both to touch each other. And NO, I don’t mean sexually! As a matter of fact I want you to be emotionally intimate, not physically. Just very gently, as the urge takes you, I want you to just lightly brush or touch your partners back or neck or hair or whatever you feel is that connection that shows your partner that you are enjoying the energy that is going on between you. Now here is the even harder bit. It can be a very fine line between gently touching someone to express how you are feeling…and not become aroused by the sensation that is developing between you. As a matter of fact it is a very fine line and normally it would be a way of really connecting from there to a very physical encounter which is also fine. But I want you to be strong and resist that temptation.

Over that 30 minute period you may start or stop that touching and go through different feelings and sensations as you hold one another. But at the end you will realise you have gone somewhere very different to what you are used to. Many of us start off this way but eventually reach that point of wanting to do the ‘tango’ and share something on a physical level. And that is fine. But this level of emotional intimacy is something that many of us can find to be quite difficult, due to our upbringing, life as we have experienced it or even many of those fears that won’t allow us to ‘open’ and share at this level. And especially the men. And that is not meant as an insult guys, we are generally brought up to be hard and ‘get on with life and don’t sweat the small stuff’, so that this level of intimacy is very foreign. Whereas the ladies are brought up much more emotionally connected and can express it a little easier.

And that is why we are physically intimate because we don’t know how to, or don’t want to become emotionally intimate. And I do think the ladies miss this type of connection guys. When they want to be cuddled, it is for this intimacy, not the grope, grope, c’mon let’s go into the bedroom. Trust me, if you build this type of trust it will change that connection for you both. You might be pleasantly surprised 🙂

Be gentle with whoever your partner may be as we all have ‘bits’ tucked away inside us and they can be a difficult thing to broach. Take it slowly and at the end you will realise that you have connected on a much stronger level with someone because you have established a very real trust because you have allowed someone into that personal zone and allowed them to see and feel the heart within. For many it isn’t easy because the one thing that this connection does is bring their hearts up to the surface, and in doing so may bring with it the many emotions that are kept close to their hearts on a day to day basis. It can sometimes bring tears…and fears, because with great love you have shown that trust. It is not something given lightly so be gentle with the emotions that are being shared. It can be hard to do, but remember, this is all about breaking down those walls and helping each other to share something that has great meaning to you both.

And even for those that are single, we all need to share our emotional intimacy with those that are special to us, whether they be friends, family or sometimes even strangers. To share our innermost feeling with someone is a healing within itself. It brings a closeness that our hearts need to share occasionally so that the power of those words can help us clear and know that another is connecting with us. And I have seen such beautiful heart connections with so many people and their pets. Now that is unconditional love. I defy one of us to express ourselves so fully with a sloppy grin and a tail that wags forever 🙂

The heart has great power, but it also is built from the most beautiful, gentle things in our life. From giving a flower with love, to the smile of another. All of it has great meaning and touches us all in such profound ways. We must return to that place within to keep our balance, emotionally and physically or we allow the things of this world to keep us away from what has true meaning in this life.

Enjoy that connection, that touch of life that brings a smile within, and you will see you and your partner (furry or otherwise), connecting on a whole new level. Namaste