Emotional Intimacy!

Ok, I’m now going to explain to you something that we all tend to unintentionally avoid. A little thing you can do to change that ‘who you are within’, and create a space that in most peoples lives has been missing due to the rush, rush of life. Or as most people come to realise, the person that they are with, or even themselves, have been raised in a way or been through something that takes this part of their lives away and is replaced with a wall to stop the fear or pain of being hurt or rejected. Or even do not understand its meaning due to never being shown how to express themselves in this way.

Now I’m going to ask you to do something very simple (and to those that know how to…ask yourself, ‘do you really’). I want you to steal 30 minutes from your hectic life, grab your partner and go lay down together (and I mean together, not you on the lounge and your partner on the floor, I want contact here) somewhere comfortable. Bed, lounge, hammock or just out on the grass somewhere (which is so much more grounding and will connect you much closer). And fully clothed thank you!!!

Now I want you to do the unthinkable…I want you to just hold and cuddle each other for 10 minutes and DO NOT talk (especially about any problems, the days uproar, the kids or the stock market). Talking does need to be done BEFORE you get to this position as it will remove any stress, tension or worry that is bothering you. Then you can lay down and not have this need to connect verbally, which is a bonding in itself, but I need your undivided attention on you and your partner and not a mind scrambling trying to sort out a problem.

At the 10 minute mark there should be this thing called ‘relaxation’. But more than that, you have now (and especially if you haven’t done this for a long time), just re-inserted yourselves into each others most intimate zone. (Yes, I probably could have worded that a little better). That connection is something that life tends to keep you ‘on guard’ for, and only a select few are allowed in that place. But life and it’s ‘zoom, zoom’ gradually distracts us and we seem to get further and further from that place that if you really think about it, is so much more inviting than the stress of everyday life. It’s a balance so that life isn’t all work and no play.

Now here is the hard bit. I want you both to touch each other. And NO, I don’t mean sexually! As a matter of fact I want you to be emotionally intimate, not physically. Just very gently, as the urge takes you, I want you to just lightly brush or touch your partners back or neck or hair or whatever you feel is that connection that shows your partner that you are enjoying the energy that is going on between you. Now here is the even harder bit. It can be a very fine line between gently touching someone to express how you are feeling…and not become aroused by the sensation that is developing between you. As a matter of fact it is a very fine line and normally it would be a way of really connecting from there to a very physical encounter which is also fine. But I want you to be strong and resist that temptation.

Over that 30 minute period you may start or stop that touching and go through different feelings and sensations as you hold one another. But at the end you will realise you have gone somewhere very different to what you are used to. Many of us start off this way but eventually reach that point of wanting to do the ‘tango’ and share something on a physical level. And that is fine. But this level of emotional intimacy is something that many of us can find to be quite difficult, due to our upbringing, life as we have experienced it or even many of those fears that won’t allow us to ‘open’ and share at this level. And especially the men. And that is not meant as an insult guys, we are generally brought up to be hard and ‘get on with life and don’t sweat the small stuff’, so that this level of intimacy is very foreign. Whereas the ladies are brought up much more emotionally connected and can express it a little easier.

And that is why we are physically intimate because we don’t know how to, or don’t want to become emotionally intimate. And I do think the ladies miss this type of connection guys. When they want to be cuddled, it is for this intimacy, not the grope, grope, c’mon let’s go into the bedroom. Trust me, if you build this type of trust it will change that connection for you both. You might be pleasantly surprised πŸ™‚

Be gentle with whoever your partner may be as we all have ‘bits’ tucked away inside us and they can be a difficult thing to broach. Take it slowly and at the end you will realise that you have connected on a much stronger level with someone because you have established a very real trust because you have allowed someone into that personal zone and allowed them to see and feel the heart within. For many it isn’t easy because the one thing that this connection does is bring their hearts up to the surface, and in doing so may bring with it the many emotions that are kept close to their hearts on a day to day basis. It can sometimes bring tears…and fears, because with great love you have shown that trust. It is not something given lightly so be gentle with the emotions that are being shared. It can be hard to do, but remember, this is all about breaking down those walls and helping each other to share something that has great meaning to you both.

And even for those that are single, we all need to share our emotional intimacy with those that are special to us, whether they be friends, family or sometimes even strangers. To share our innermost feeling with someone is a healing within itself. It brings a closeness that our hearts need to share occasionally so that the power of those words can help us clear and know that another is connecting with us. And I have seen such beautiful heart connections with so many people and their pets. Now that is unconditional love. I defy one of us to express ourselves so fully with a sloppy grin and a tail that wags forever πŸ™‚

The heart has great power, but it also is built from the most beautiful, gentle things in our life. From giving a flower with love, to the smile of another. All of it has great meaning and touches us all in such profound ways. We must return to that place within to keep our balance, emotionally and physically or we allow the things of this world to keep us away from what has true meaning in this life.

Enjoy that connection, that touch of life that brings a smile within, and you will see you and your partner (furry or otherwise), connecting on a whole new level. Namaste

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18 thoughts on “Emotional Intimacy!

  1. Emotional connection – It sounds so simple. Like something we do naturally from day to day. But to REALLY connect, it takes so much more than a ‘grope’ in the kitchen or a sofa cuddle. I’m going to try this with my husband, and I think it’s going to be harder than it sounds. Fighting the ‘urge’ and doing that thing we are both so rubbish at doing – RELAXING!

    Thanks for sharing!

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    • It can be quite confronting Amanda, but only because we do not realise within ourselves, how distant our fears of the world makes us. There will be many ’emotional’ walls to overcome, and you will notice these by the parts that make you uncomfortable. And these parts are usually filled with our coping strategies…ie, change the subject, talk to avoid something…and even just laying there ‘intimately’ (not sexual), can even make us uncomfortable.
      Here is something to add….just look into his eyes (the windows of the soul πŸ™‚ ), while gently stroking his face without saying anything. For a guy this can be quite uncomfortable due to their upbringing, and even the ladies can find this difficult. If it does become awkward for him, just gently ask what does he feel…or you speak in how it makes you feel. But be very careful in the asking, as this brings the heart to the surface and allows you to peek over those walls and it can be very frightening and confronting for him or you. Do not ‘force’ anything, just allow it to be in its own time. You may even be surprised when you or him ‘open’ and suddenly start expressing things from deep within. You will ‘know’ because it will be a truth and they really relax into what is said. If it stays uncomfortable, allow it, but do not push, this is something that must come freely. It is a creation of trust by allowing another to look over that wall, and builds love even deeper because of that.
      Enjoy the journey, may it be a beautiful connection in something that you thought was far away πŸ™‚

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  2. How beautifully and well expressed, Mark!
    I donΒ΄t have a partner now but I will try doing this by visualize him:-)
    Emotionally intimacy, so important – that makes relations become stronger when, as you said, both can open up without any fears. Then I think itΒ΄s easier to express feelings, give gentle touches that can give both so beautifully moments and be emotionally closer connected…

    You are so right, if not all but many ladies miss this type of connection. What most guys donΒ΄t know is that if they take time for this they will get so much back from their ladies and in the extension probably deeper feelings with also more intense and better sex!

    If their Lady are happy, they will be happy:-)

    Wish you a sunny day tomorrow /Elaine

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    • Thank you for your wishes Elaine. We begin those relationships very close but life seems to get in the way. If we can keep that ‘contact’ with someone, it just makes life so much easier, more pleasurable and allows a safety zone to the one thing in our lives that has meaning.
      Happy visualizing, and may it be a beautiful journey. Mark

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  3. Thank you for this post. My partner recently said we don’t share enough time together. I now realize what he was saying. I will take time to create emotional intimacy.
    Love, light & blessings
    Vee

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    • My pleasure Vee. We just let life get us a little sidetracked and lose those little things that in the end, mean so much.
      Even just taking time out for a heartfelt hug can make a great difference. Enjoy the contact πŸ™‚ Mark

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  4. Every bit of this post and advice appeals to me. In fact, it almost put me into tears as I sit in this airport and calculate that it’ll be after midnight before I have any meaningful human interaction with the people I love.
    I coudn’t have read this at a better time…my day tomorrow will start exactly as you’ve outlined. Thank you, Mark!

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    • My pleasure Michelle. And so you did read it at the right time. It will allow you to feel the love and connection that you are missing, AND then you can show that love to all because you did miss them.
      Feeling the airport blues has great purpose too, so that you can feel the depth of how you do feel within. Mind you, you have to be careful in the airport and feeling that way, we then tend to cover the blues with a chocolate or candy for a ‘pick me up’ πŸ˜€
      Hopefully you are home now and comfortably wrapped in the love of family…and not too many chocolates in the meantime πŸ™‚
      Love and light to your new day! Mark

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      • I am so glad my comment posted – it looked like it had been lost as I was sitting there trying to send.
        Just so you know, I totally took your advice when I got home at 1:00 this morning. I feel so much better having harnessed the healing power of my hubby after a really long three days.
        As for the chocolate – well, you know me too well πŸ™‚

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        • Good to hear Michelle. There is nothing like those connections, they can heal lots of things. Especially exhausted working women. If only the men knew πŸ™‚ And I mean that in, if they connect in a close way ie. help with the cooking or housework or in any way that is in a sharing mode, it brings you closer together in a more trusting, sharing and loving way. Makes life so much easier.
          Life just gets in the way, we just need to relearn our normal coping strategies so that it does include those connections and it will bring much more satisfaction to the lives we live.
          Well, chocolate was one of those things sent to test us I think πŸ˜€
          Now that you have connected again, have a beautiful day my friend, may it be with the new smile that glows within from that connection πŸ™‚ Mark

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    • Good stuff, glad for both of you! Just remember there can still be rough bits. Just take your time, and as we all learn, just by ‘being there’ is worth its weight in gold.
      Got me all motherly now *sniff*, good luck for both your journeys πŸ™‚

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  5. I think I may have forgotten the value of emotional intimacy unless where obvious need is concerned. It’s so easy fo me to rise to another’s need if the signs are visible. You want it, you got it. You need me, I’m here. But what of the unspoken? The silent voices who cannot or will not shout or be obvious. I’m ashamed. Truly. I can think, right now, of several people in my life whom I love whose reticence precludes shouting for what they need. And I am, or should be, the one to provide it. Earlier this evening I had the opportunity to do just that. Not as described here. But to reach out with words. And tomorrow she comes home to be wrapped in my arms and feel that connection you speak of. I thought I was giving her space. I was wrong. Mark, you have touched me to tears. Right here, right now. Spirit bless you. Healing is your gift. I love who you are.x

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    • My pleasure momus. Just remember sometimes others can’t reach out, through their own fears they are afraid because they know if they allow others into their space, THEN they have to deal with something that they are not sure they are ready to. It’s a fear, and like all fears we avoid them like the plague. But if they ‘know’ you are there for them, then they are given a lifeline to step across that chasm of uncertainty and be free of something that may have been within for a long time. And even then they may need assurances that you will be there, sometimes for the long haul, to help them do something that has been so fearful to them. That voiceless ‘knowing’ that only a mother can sense has great purpose, but just be aware to not push it. It is not a rejection of you but more a hesitation on their part because they are unsure of themselves. And that is part of the healing within. They must come to terms with where they are at within, then step across that line that has held them at bay. Good luck…and above all, remember the hug…it speaks volumes without a word being spoken. Mark xo

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  6. This makes me think of the Billings Method of natural family planning where selected times of the month may advise abstinence depending on why it is being used. Rather than a sense of loss at abstaining, it has been observed by many that the closeness achieved through the type of emotional connect you describe has helped couples retain the connection usually more prevalent in the early days of their relationship. It makes a lot of sense.

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    • It is a very connecting practice. And I might add, something that our lives are missing very much. That closeness gets drowned out by work, kids and every other stress you can think of. And most couples unintentionally get into a habit of being a certain way with each other, and aren’t game to cross back over that line. It can feel quite uncomfortable because it is so foreign to their usual way of relating, especially after many years. Try it, it’s like chocolate, after a few bites your hooked πŸ˜€ and can open things emotionally that had been long forgotten. It’s not meant to reach that rose coloured glasses, high on love feelings of our youth, it is a much deeper connecting that in itself doesn’t really require talking, it is a connection without words, a bringing back together what should be touched and bring forward that ‘knowing’ of who you are to each other.
      P.S. And if you accidently ‘tango’ in the trying….gives you an excuse to try again πŸ™‚

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  7. Wow, Mark, your post enunciates a new paradigm for a qualitatively better emotional connect. The pressures of the workaday world tether us within restricted experience fields that limit true enjoyment and hamper deeper bonding. This is a prescription for all…best wishes… Raj.

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    • Thank you Rajagopal. Our world does numb us to those connections. Too much speed and when we do come together we fall asleep from the tiredness that our lives bring. It should be like those South American places where a siesta is a part of their culture. We should get into the habit of making sure our relationships are based on that connection that does bring us closer together. And I don’t mean a habit of certain time and place because the spontaneity is also part of the magic and removes those unintentional expectations from the equations. Thank you Rajagopal, and blessings to you also. Mark

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