No, I’m not Gay. Nor am I 40,000 other labels that I could wrap around my name, put up in lights or even tack onto my door. I am that I am. A discovery we all make at different times in our lives as we wade through a multitude of things to ‘see’ if this fits or that resonates.
But it is in finally realising that what we are…is enough. After struggling, trying to find something ‘out there’ for many, many years, finding what at first seems to be exactly what we were after, only to realise that it still didn’t reach that fulfilment, that something that we constantly try to find in our journey.
I am that I am because I have now accepted that knowledge that what we had been looking for has resided inside this body always. But I had just been too noisy, trying to find something that would not be found till I let it go. Released this journey outside and listened within, instead of looking, I saw, instead of constantly worrying of my past or future, I became silent. And in that silence I began to hear something.
A voice I at first didn’t recognise. No, not a sound but a ‘knowing’ that had at different times come into my life and was fobbed off as ‘a fluke’ or ‘freaky event’. But this in fact was my centre, my spirit, my guide and myself within. It has been helping and assisting my journey with all of the love and beauty that it could. And suddenly I realised I needed to feel and experience all that I did so that when this moment arose for my understanding, it would be gratefully accepted and appreciated so much more BECAUSE of what my path had entailed.
That understanding is a watergate. A time to really understand the first part of my journey and now encompass what I have now become because of that. The first part must be experienced, felt and understood or the duality cannot be released. It is in that acceptance of what I really am within that removes the crutches, the helping hand of life’s many experiences so that I can stand within my truth and now give from that acceptance of the discovery within and be at one with myself.
It is an incredible experience to suddenly realise there is a completely new world within our own but beautifully interwoven so that it only becomes apparent when it is needed for our journey. And even ‘knows’ when we are ready to step into it fully so that we are not scared or reject it unintentionally thinking we are losing our minds. For it will only be accepted by those who are ready. The world will keep us distracted with life until that point is reached. It may dance at the fringes so that an awareness is gradually accepted but only enough so that eventually it becomes too apparent to be ignored any more.
So as I begin this next stage of my learning, and feel so much more within it, the urge to share from where I am at, is a natural by product of giving from a place that has become more open, more loving and more unconditional as I grow into who I have now become.
There are no words to fully describe this, ‘beauty, acceptance, embracing, seeing, knowing’ and a million other words to embody something that has no words. It IS of another world but one that has always been a part of us, and which with great love, has given us something that will help create the most beautiful and heartfelt soul on its infinite journey.
And in sharing such an incredible journey with the many blogger’s of THIS world, I felt it was time to embody the voice, visualize the writing and create this journey from a more balanced and open perspective. (Actually scottishmomus started this with her coming out party, and I’ve been threatening to do it ever since 🙂 )
So with respect to the many who were happy with that isolation, I will now integrate that balance with my mug shot below. May it not scare children or animals :), appease those with sight, and give love and understanding to those that only see my writings origins from the healing within my heart. Namaste