The Waters of Life!

Life and all its hardships, the rivers we do dare
Traveling dangerous waters, captaining its glare
The mastering of the winds, the swells of our pride
The holding of our tiller, for there is nowhere else to hide
But if I could but show, the beauty that dwells within
The reality in this path, built from where we’ve been
We see so much in our wake, but only through our fear
All the while on lookout, glancing to the rear
So grab that tiller firmer, know through this gale we go
That the sails of this journey, need this truth to blow
Find the hearts compass, point it as a guide
Hold it with gratitude, for in there you know you’ve tried
So seek out all your glory, venture to every port above
For within that travel far and wide, is a journey full of love

Happy New Year everyone, may it be full of adventure, beautiful waters and much love! ❤

Mark

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Joy…is it a myth?

This post is triggered by a friend, Leigh, who was wondering out loud in her post, ‘Joy, what is it?’ , and its part in her life. So I thought I would pass on what I personally found, and maybe it will help or give an understanding in something that we all ask at times in our lives.

In my own journey I felt a joy from what I was taught…lets say it was my birthday (as a child) was coming up, so I would get all excited and happy leading up to it. And children are much more unconditional until ‘life’ gets in the way. So it was my environment guided me in many things like this, from what I was shown and experienced as I grew up.

But the one thing that never seemed to be satisfied, was this ‘something’ that I never seemed to reach, a place where everyone said I would be happy when I reached it, but in finding this ‘so called’ nirvana, it left a lingering hollow that just didn’t touch what I thought would be ‘joy’. A career, home, partner, children and so on would bring it into my life, but never a lasting one to make you feel you had found ‘it’, that place we all search for.

Until I did ‘touch’ it, after picking myself up off the floor in a crying heap as I finally ‘saw’ what was truly holding me back. After a divorce, severe anxiety, loss of family and friends…I finally dared to look within and ask that question…’is this it down here, a life of misery and pain?’, as my fear dragged me kicking and screaming into changing what I had re-inforced my whole life up till that point.

Through my life I saw one thing, and one thing only…as a child it was my reaction to (I felt), was my dad treating me in such a way that I felt he didn’t love me, and that I couldn’t handle it anymore…so I blocked him emotionally (I was a grand old age of about 7 or 8). And anyone else who said they loved me needed to then ‘be’ a certain way to prove themselves, and I would drown them in some artificial love (because it had conditions tied to it everywhere), by sending flowers, invite them out, do grand things for them…all built on my fear of not being loved, being rejected by those who I loved and looked up to. Of which I carried on into adult hood.

So began my journey to find ‘why’, and once I saw what it was….I finally let go something that had weighed a ton on my life up to that point, physically, emotionally and most certainly spiritually as I had blocked it with all my walls.

My point being, once that fear was finally understood, you let go, and I mean really let go of expectations (of you and others), wants, needs, judgement, and a million other things that we don’t realise we do in avoiding that fear. The world completely changed overnight…well, actually I did…and without that one constant of fear affecting everything that I did…I began to ‘see’…and I mean really ‘see’ what had always been there, but I was blinded by my walls.

Let me show you an example of how it happens….your boss asks you to do something for your work, it is going to take some serious effort to get done so it will take over your life while you finish it. It is done at work, at home, in the shower and even sidetracks you in your family life. When you finally come back up for air at the jobs end, half your life has passed you by. A child’s birthday missed, a presentation for a family member or even friends invites are ignored.

And that is what fear does, it blinds you to life, keeps you on-guard and sidetracked in so many ways. But when it is finally understood, it is YOUR jobs end. You will release it because it no longer has power over you. You…are…free.

And in that freedom is a relief, release and self love because of what you have endured to see it for what it is, and break free of that life of drudgery.

And then something comes in that you weren’t expecting….you can now ‘see’ life (dancing under your tree’s Leigh 🙂 ), and it brings a joy like no other. It is a feeling that you have never had, simply because it has been blocked all your life. And there where it has always been is…your lovely tree’s on a roadway :), a butterfly with beautiful wings, flowers with color that you have never been able to really see before, even just a child’s happy face.

You can even now see and feel joy in others, because you ARE now joy because of what you now understand within yourself.

Yes, through your life you will feel bursts of joy in different events, simply because you have let your fear go, its overpowering reins on your life for just a while…until it slowly comes back in, reminding you of what you hold deep within.

That is our journey, to find that joy, in the love we have of ourselves. It holds so much joy unlike anything in this world…but it is only blocked by that wall of fear. Beneath that wall is an indescribable beauty…a place that will bring a smile from within like no other, regardless of where you are, whenever you are…it is timeless, and very unconditional.

I wish I could just show you what I found…but then you wouldn’t understand, because you hadn’t experienced giving that love to you, and finding that joy…the most important part of this entire journey down here 🙂

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Change…it is our birthright!

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Rumi

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”

Rumi

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”

Rumi

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I Prayed and I found all my Answers!

Very wise words! 🙂

SHAMS

image Sea view, Karachi. 

I prayed for change, so I changed my mind.
I prayed for guidance and learned to trust myself.
I prayed for happiness and realized I am not my ego.
I prayed for peace and learned to accept others unconditionally.
I prayed for abundance and realized my doubt kept it out.
I prayed for wealth and realized it is my health.
I prayed for a miracle and realized I am the miracle.
I prayed for a soul mate and realized I am the one.
I prayed for love and realized it’s always knocking, but I have to allow it in.

Rumi

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First Love! (Part II)

What can I say, that first encounter (First Love!) was over 12 months ago.
She crossed my mind often, in between life’s many wanderings…but not to make ‘that’ meeting again.
It felt like a loss, but not, because I was blessed with touching something so beautiful for what it was.
So I moved on, lived in a world somehow devoid a little because it felt so wonderfully close and personal, but never to be touched.
I had even tried to measure it against what I thought my life should be like, constantly a part of someone who made me feel that way.
Fool…expectations are a brace for the unwary, wanting of something that I couldn’t find in myself.
And because of that realisation, I let it go…gently, oh so gently.
And so in doing this, I allowed it to happen again…just by minding my own business, expectation-less and celebrating a birthday with a friend.
And there she was…I wasn’t sure what to do at first…a quick hello because of how unsure I felt, many people around us.
But the glow in that smile, the sparkle in those eyes could never hide this…this ‘connection’ beyond time.
We mingled with friends, always aware of a darted eye, a comment, and that smile that can only come from one place.
I also became aware my jaw was hurting again, like the first time, from smiling so much…but I didn’t care. I would recite a prayer 5 million times just to see her smile.
Many little chats began, but broken because we realised we were ignoring everyone else…but flowing so smoothly.
And suddenly we were by ourselves, wiping up the dishes, a chore by anyone’s standards…but we didn’t see it.
And even that came to an end, and my time was up, I had to leave…but never wanting to.
Unsure of what to say to end this day…I lifted my arms to show a farewell at the least by that embrace.
And it happened…….we gently embraced and joined together in the most beautiful serenity, melting into each other.
We floated in a sensation that when we met before was but a gentle flutter, now turning full force.
The world did not exist, nothing did but that beautiful touch within.
A moment as the ego wanted to know what it meant, but I released it and moved beyond it into acceptance. Just a perfect moment where everything was…was…just so perfect.
Not a word was spoken, it didn’t need to be. Not a movement was made, it was no longer required…we just were.
I have felt many things in this life, touched many hearts, experienced much love, physically and spiritually in the healing’s around me.
But this…words could not utter what was there in that moment…I was lost…and found…in the simplicity of that connection.
A singularity where all comes together in that one instant of time, to touch that perfection.
We finally released each other, very reluctantly, after what seemed like forever, and searched for a way to be together again.
And the universe opened and showed us a way…she would be back in two weeks.
I left. I smiled inside and out, my jaw hurting like crazy…by a pain I did not want to stop.
Two weeks?…14 days? Could I wait that long.
This is only day three…and look at what I have written.
Even my heart is beginning to ache…but it too is a pain I would gladly endure forever.
But above all that, is the one thing that is there above all else.
I ‘knew’, even before a word had been spoken…a calm ‘knowing’ that I was already there, a connection unlike any before.
Soul Mates? Or is that just the Universe opening a gate, to help us to walk through and find that truth within.
I’m reaching for the latch…hesitating…but I am lost already, and know it.
Smiling the smile of the heart, I follow my path…touching that place within us all, with a love like no other to guide us truly.

***Footnote: Well, a little time has now passed since I wrote the above, spirit had asked me to ‘delay’ putting it up. And I realise why now. I’ve had time to digest something that still leaves me amazed at this connection. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The lady in question is going through a very difficult time in her life so is in no space to be wanting a relationship at the moment.
So, what does that mean…well, I do now realise, because of the previous relationship that I was in, that if it didn’t ‘connect’ with the incredible power that it did, I may not have told myself ‘it is time to move on’, and wanted to. It isn’t until we are faced with these issues that we really look within and make those decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I have been quite happy in going where I have gone in life, but I think it may be time to ‘change’ my direction, hence the ‘contact’ with another beautiful soul.
But beyond that…I was allowed to touch something…feel and see something that is within us all. And I smile all the more inside for the ‘knowing’ of that beauty, and what is gently waiting as we step past our fears, and open truly to a whole new way of being 🙂

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Finding Your Heart!

(An old, but important reblog for a friend)

But which one? The one that goes pump, pump…or the one we feel every little emotional vibration with? Or are they the same one?

The Journey we all make within, one way or the other, can come at any time in our lives. Usually at a time of deep emotional upheaval due to a loss of something…a partner through divorce, the security of a job, a death in the family or even from facing a fear …and sometimes all of them. And in response to this we often feel the pain deep inside with an emotional agony that we think will never leave us. We have all been there sometime in our lives and know this isn’t an easy time.

It takes a long time, going through the stages of grief, anger, fear, loss to finally reach an acceptance of what has happened. This can take years and in the final view, we look back at different times in our life and see that we actually change over this time frame and see we have actually changed in how we feel about what has happened. Why? Is it because we are not as close to the situation any more…or maybe we have reached an understanding that yes, we have lost something but now that the waves of emotion have finally settled to a more manageable level we can see that we have come to a point of accepting, and have changed in such a way that many of those things we used to worry about, don’t really matter anymore, are no longer important, and our direction in life has taken on a whole new meaning for us. We find that as our life progresses we are able to handle these situations in a much better way.

As a child when we lose something it is called a ‘spak attack’, as for them this is an absolute loss and the only way to express this is directly from the heart. Scream, yell and cry your eyes out. (And I might add it is a very good way to release tension and stress from the body…but you try and do this each time, as an adult, that you don’t get your way and watch out…the boss, wife, boyfriend is going to be loooong gone very quickly). As a child gets older this is…beaten, scolded and ‘learned’ out of them. They begin to take on the persona of those adults and people around them, mainly because they are people that they love and look up to, until such a time, usually around eight years old, that it is locked in, walled up, covered over and second nature to them, and these attitudes are carried on into adulthood. And of course how they act, to them, seems so right and correct, that they react so badly to all the other children and their ‘right and correctness’ that they close down that tiny little pump, pump thing, (or was it the other one?), so that they can no longer be hurt by it any more. They are all so sure that they are right in their attitude, (well, it was taught to them by their loved ones), and they might agree with the stronger children, (who wants to get taunted, embarrassed, abused or bashed?), but deep inside they still side with mum and dad.

So now we have the little problem of all those things tucked away inside, ready for those unwary souls that want to be a part of who you are. Boss’s, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, husbands and wives. And what a Pandora’s box! I’ll always remember my first girlfriend. How on earth did she make me do all those things…the guys would laugh their backsides off…but I came back for more, and more. What was this funny attitude I had…this gooey, intense, adoring, couldn’t stand to be away from her type feeling…ever. Where did that come from? Yes, I loved my mum and dad, brothers and sisters. But this, it was like a Bullet Train, so fast and POW, at the platform already and didn’t care where we went. Then she broke it off…the world came crashing down…I felt like I was dying. She had pulled out my heart and left it on the street to be downtrodden forever.

And as we progress into this world of pain, love, pain, love…we reinforce those things we are taught from youth by closing down our hearts from pain, opening it up to love, over and over. Until one day you just can’t do it anymore, your so tired and scared of being hurt, that you decide to close up shop and not let anyone come near that poor little pump, pump and its emotional connection to you.

But what if we knew, really knew, that we had actually put ourselves in this position in the first place? What if it was meant to be! What if it was needed, so that we could truly understand what it was like to be down at the lowest point in fear, anger, pain and hurt from our reactions to all those things that happen in our lives…so that when we ARE at the opposite end, and are happily ecstatic, madly in love…don’t you think we would be so much more appreciative because of what we have suffered and now learned what it was to be like at the bottom of the human emotional ladder? The learning we understand when we know that ‘opening our hearts’ is actually a beautiful place to be. Giving you great strength and fearlessness to deal with everyday life? The healing that takes place when we open, and in that healing being able to heal others? The ability to create on such a level that it amazes you, let alone those around you? This learning is so powerful that as each and every one of us interact it creates a wisdom within that is taken wherever we go and used as an encyclopaedia for everything we do. If you haven’t learned it properly, you do it again, (and even keep telling yourself inside ‘why did I do that again, I know better!’).

And that is just on the outside, physically. On the inside is just the same, you do the range of emotions and learn from that as well, with many an admonition to never do that again. But we do…why…because the urge to feel that one thing that we are missing in our lives, and comes closest when we are in love…is to love ourselves…totally and unconditionally. If you think I’m wrong, then why is it that we always put ourselves down, feel that we are not capable of something or avoid something through fear. Think about it, we act exactly how we think of ourselves. If you are angry, that’s how you act. If you are happy, that’s how you act. If you unconditionally love yourself, that’s how you act…how many people do you see that love themselves unconditionally. Not many, I’m sure.

What would it be like to live with people like that, no stress, no pain, no anger…sounds like heaven. Do you think I’m kidding you? You don’t think that we go along each day convincing ourselves that everything is ok and concentrate only on the good bits and ignore the rest? Yes, that works for a while, but I’ll let you in on a little secret…YOUR Higher Self, Guide, Spirit, God deliberately puts you into a position so that you face that very fear/problem you were so desperately trying to avoid. If you battle it out to get your own way and avoid it…it will roll back up down the track a bit further. Still think I’m rambling on…then tell me, which one of those fears/problems have you been able to avoid and it’s never come back? Zero, nada…not a one! Because that is where you wish to go…and you know this deep inside. And when you look back you will actually see some of the things that you do…the arguments, actions and things that at the time seemed the right thing,(and to your Self, it is), but looking back you cringe and think ‘did I really do that’.

And when you have time to really absorb this you will finally realise it has turned out for the best. There will be turns and twists that make you feel that the world is out to get you but in the end you WILL be able to smile again, you WILL be able to feel again…and above all, you WILL be able to LOVE again. And each time from a much better place. Yes, sometimes they create more fear, like scared to open up to someone again, but that is your journey that you chose, and you WILL get past that too, and each time be more beautiful inside as you realise you are coming home…to you…where all the love in the universe is…and always has been.

As you begin to understand this, be prepared to feel something…something that you know within is a deep truth…that could only come from one source, and learn to listen to what your Higher Self, Spirit, Guide or God is really saying…to show you a path that is eon’s old and as fresh as today…and a healing for that little pump, pump that you hold so dear!

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The Traveler!

The soul…eternal…connected…sharing…as one.
But just imagine being eternal…ageless…forever part of these multiverses.
A balance…at times physical…emotional…spiritual…independent, in the many forms taken.
A ‘life’ that goes on and on, forever seeking….something.
It cannot just ‘be’, for it is always absorbing, accepting from all around.
Otherwise it would stagnate, diminish and be absorbed into what ‘is’.
In all its ever journey’s it senses, touches, and experiences all around.
For a knowledge like no other, that thing that we all seek…even in our part ‘down here’.
All parts living a journey, to blossom, reveal and understand that path.
Cycles upon cycles, ever reaching to find that something, that meaning to sate that urge within.
Until our path is revealed, each time a blossoming in knowledge as that understanding is reached.
But where are we going? What purpose does a destination have in forever.
For if we found it, we would also stagnate, purpose released.
Then a traveler must be a purpose within itself, that constant journey, a journey to find self.
That place that is changing within, in each experience that we do.
Each time building self, that love within from those many understandings that they give.
Showing us ourselves in each passing moment…to be felt, realised…savored even.
We are travelers, moving, always moving…but within that movement blossoms a love,
even as a flower does, always changed, no two the same, but so beautiful within themselves.
So I bid you welcome fellow traveler, I greet you and share this moment in time.
May your travels enlighten, touch that soul, to begin another journey as each change brings a new love within.

Namaste

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